Court order 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Chloejm]

I’m at a loss, my partner has 2 children. Who he has a court order for. His arrangements have been in place for nearly 3 years. Weekend on weekend off, The mum is being very difficult she has social services involved with her (which I never have) the children are very prone to telling lies and mum knows this. They have mentioned me punishing them to the social worker my punishment is sit down and think about what you have done then you can carry on with what you was doing, in worse cases I take there’s devices off them. As I do my own children, Any way cut a long story short. A social worker has written this in a report but “mum” wouldn’t allow social services to contact dad in regards to it even tho he has parental rights and on the birth certificates. We have been waiting for a week for this social worker to contact us, but still no response, am I in the wrong for not wanting the children at my house if they have been making these allegations until we have spoken to them. It’s making my children’s life’s miserable to I know kids can be kids there is much more to this in regards to how difficult there mum is my partner suffers from anxiety attacks because of her and how she’s going to react some one please help and give advice we can’t win either way in how we deal with things 😤

Seems harsh to alienate the children, how old are they?
Do you know it is them who have complained, or has their Mum exaggerated their comments.

Is it normal for a step parent to be disciplining their partner's children, should he not be doing that?

Why do your children know about it? Have you discussed it with them? How old are they?

Could you have his children more if Mum is struggling that much she has social services involved, give her a bit of a break?

For the children's sake leave them to it, you won't win it is not a competition 'them or me' why are you doing this to them? There must be other men out there

I don’t understand what the poll means or exactly what the children have alleged.

Why are you putting your DC through this though? There are so many of these threads where women have rushed to repartner, inflicted a new family on there children, and now are the driving force in some legal wrangle against their OH’s ex. None of it is your circus.

Their^

I can't click on any of your options TBF
If there is a report being written then the social worker must speak to the father too. It's not fair to exclude the children from the home, they are your partner's children. I also don't think it's ideal for step parents to discipline children - why isn't their dad doing it?

How do you know this report has been written?

I assume it’s your husband’s children also. I wouldn’t not be happy if someone saif my children, especially children who vunerable. If my DH did this to me I would takimg my children to a hotel and taking steps to end my marriage.

Has DH got his finger out and rang the SW?

mum Can not dictate who the social worker speaks to. It’s her parenting they are there for presumably, not your partners and they will contact him if/when they see fit! You can’t just stop the children coming. It’s their father and they shouldn’t be punished due the actions of adults. It’s probably wise to leave parenting and discipline to their dad while they are there though although I don’t understand how you know what is in the report if you have had no contact with SS or why it matters. It doesn’t sound like any serious type of allegation!

Hi, looking for some advice on how to cope with my emotions. My abusive ex partner sees my son every fortnight, after three years of no contact (which was his choice). He continues to bad mouth me at every opportunity. The child enjoys spending time with him so contact will increase. I constantly feel anxious and sick and need to find a way to cope with my emotions and continue to live my life. Does anyone have any tips on how to do this? It’s impacting my life massively 😔

It’s age dependent really. Sd lied a lot and about us and she came round as normal ans a younger child, and we carried on. But once she reached 16/17 and was still lying I stopped being alone with her at all. It put my dh in a difficult position as he couldn’t even nip for a hair cut or pint of milk without her but tough. If she hadn’t been parented properly and the lies continued I wasn’t going to the one looking over my shoulder every day

I think a bit more context is needed here. Is the punishing reference meant to be referring to abuse or just the fact that they get reprimanded by you in dad's time but not off either of their actual parents? Because to me, the latter would lead me to question if the DC's behaviour is down to the fact that their parents aren't doing anything about it and the assessments are going to highlight where additional work may be helpful to manage these issues. Children do lie and exploring the deeper reason why they are behaving like that and punishing where necessary is more appropriate than just cutting them off.
You have also bashed the mum a lot in your OP but mention very little about your partner other than he has anxiety. Just because he has a court order, that doesn't automatically make him a better parent than her because we all know how bias the system can be. But anyways, the mum has no say in whether SS involve dad in the assessments or not, he is named on the BC and they have ways to contact him so they will be required to get in touch at some point.

You don't get a say in whether contact should be stopped, I'd actually think less of your partner if he actually agreed with this, but you do get to decide if this is a situation you and your children want to be stuck in and do something about that.

You’d do better to start your own thread. Sorry you’re having a tough time.