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Parenting

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Original poster

9 year old DD doesn't like the hairs on her legs

50 replies

Daxiecrazy · 01/05/2025 11:22

Hi Ladies,

So my 9 year old DD spoke to me last night and she said she hates the hairs on her legs. She asked if she was going to be as hairy as daddy (extremely hairy man!) and told me she hated it.

Of course I told her it's completely normal, explained hormones, puberty etc but I could still see that the hairs bothered her.
She's blonde so the hairs on her legs aren't dark however they are fairly hairy possibly due to her dad's genes. I told her about shaving/creams etc when she's older, however it made me think what age do I let her use hair removal creams etc?

I don't want her to be so uncomfortable now, but is 9 too young? What age did you all let your daughters start using them?

Thanks!

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thegoodlifeha · 01/05/2025 11:25

why when she is older? She is unhappy now, not her remove the hair now.

lunar1 · 01/05/2025 11:26

It’s her body, and she’s voiced her discomfort so I would listen to her and help her remove the hair. My mum didn’t listen to me when I asked.

my sons both have their eyebrows done, ds1 was 11 when he started, and I initially felt he was too young. But after talking with some of my Indian friends and family quickly changed my mind. My sons have very dark hair and comparatively light skin being mixed Indian/white.

apparently if we were in Kolkata their eyebrows would just have been done with their haircut.

RareGoalsVerge · 01/05/2025 11:29

I really think it's more important to help her to accept her body as it is rather than starting her down the road of trying to change it. There's no form of hair removal that doesn't have down sides. Reassure her that no she'll never be as hairy as daddy. The hair on our arms and legs does important jobs helping us to regulate our temperature and stay healthy. Does she have access to online sources of information that are inappropriate for her age that push the misogynistic narrative that an ideal woman should only have hair on her head and nowhere else?

There is no amount of body modifications that anyone can do which has the result of making them think they are now happy with their body. Start down that path and there will always be the next target to hate, it never ends. Better to learn to love and care for the body you have.

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TheeNotoriousPIG · 01/05/2025 11:31

I'm all for body confidence, but hairy legs when you're a girl in school isn't exactly a walk in the park!

Could you help her to shave/use hair removal creams now? If she's conscious of the hair, and hates it, then you might find that she begins to dislike her appearance. This will damage her confidence. She may also do what I did, and on finding a razor, she might shave her own legs without your knowledge.

My mother objected to me shaving until secondary school. I have very thick hair and people at school were an absolute joy about it 🙄It put me off wearing skirts and dresses for years.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 01/05/2025 11:32

I’d let her use a lady shave. You can’t make her the torchbearer for body hair acceptance.

I shaved since 10 and am so far healthy 🤣 at 48.

GoodVibesHere · 01/05/2025 11:32

Teach her to shave her legs safely, that's what I did with both my DDs as soon as they asked. I honestly cannot see why they need to wait, I think that's something the older generation taught us but I have no idea why.

Coffeeishot · 01/05/2025 11:37

I'd get her a lady shave for now she can move on to razors/creams later on but the lady shave imo is safer to use, it's just hair of course but it's making her self conscious let her take it off if she wants

ThisPithyJoker · 01/05/2025 11:37

I share your concern that 9 is very young and would try and encourage her to notice that other people at that age have it too.

That being said, my Mum wouldn't let me shave in the early years of secondary (in theb90s so it was hugely frowned upon socially) so I knicked one of my Dad's razors and did it without any help/guidance. I still have a massive scar on one leg where I took a considerable amount of skin off. So I agree with the PP poster that said if she's sure and it's already typical in her age group, please do teach her to do it safely!

nahthatsnotforme · 01/05/2025 11:38

I was made to wait for everything. Shaving. Makeup. Heels. Even proper hair styling.
Waiting did more harm than good.

Coffeeishot · 01/05/2025 11:39

I remember cutting my legs to ribbons with my dad's razors because I wasn't allowed to shave my legs.

Comedycook · 01/05/2025 11:40

Honestly if she doesn't like it and it's making her unhappy, I'd just help her get rid of it now. I wouldn't use hair removal creams...I'd probable just get an electric razor and show her how to use it and supervise her.

Lovelynames123 · 01/05/2025 11:40

I remember not being allowed to shave until I was 12/13. I showed my dds what to do as soon as they expressed a desire to get rid of their hair. Youngest, 11, is fair so only really bothers about her armpits, eldest at 13 is shaving/waxing legs and underarms and trimming bikini line.

In an ideal world we'd all embrace our natural hair, but I'd be a bearded lady with gorilla legs so it's only fair if we allow our daughters to do what makes them comfortable

BashfulClam · 01/05/2025 11:49

I hate all the angst about’too young’ as someone super hairy (and yes my legs could be as hairy as my husbands if I let them) I feel your daughters pain. My mum never really understood as she is very fair and only ever shaved her under arms once a week. Her legs etc have fine blond hair so she never bothers. My dad was a very dark hirsute man, with black hair and dark skin and I unfortunately got his hairy genes. I even need to hair remove on my arms as they are so dark and hairy like a man. Help her!

Ineedcoffee2021 · 01/05/2025 11:49

Id let her remove and show her how

Another who stole her dads razors with very painful results

Those who say get her to accept it, i never did, shave daily
Even if all the razors around home had been hidden, i would have asked friends, stolen one from the shops, i hated it that much. Not just the look but the feel of it
We dont have to love everything about our body and some things can be changed
lets leave the acceptance speeches for things we CANT change

mindutopia · 01/05/2025 12:08

Teach her how to shave her legs if she’s happy to do that. I personally wouldn’t be pushing harsh creams on young skin. There are better ways to deal with it if that’s what she wants to do. I think she’s very brave to bring it up.

JoyousEagle · 01/05/2025 12:20

I was also not allowed to shave so nicked my dad’s razor. I don’t understand making children wait if they are the ones who bring up the issue and say they don’t like it. What are we waiting for? What’s the benefit? What’s the difference at, say, 12 vs 9?

It sort of feels like making a young girl be the one to take stand on body hair, but only for a few years, and while the mother probably continues to remove her own leg hair.

TeenLifeMum · 01/05/2025 12:23

I started periods at 9 and had hairy armpits so was using cream then razors when I was a bit older.

my DDs were still at primary when they asked. They were in year 6 but most of year 4 and 5 was covid home schooling so I imagine it would have been sooner.

Snorlaxo · 01/05/2025 12:24

I let dd start removing hair when she asked.
As soon as the hair was gone, she went back to being a happy, fun child who didn’t have to think about covering her legs.

Coffeeishot · 01/05/2025 12:28

Snorlaxo · 01/05/2025 12:24

I let dd start removing hair when she asked.
As soon as the hair was gone, she went back to being a happy, fun child who didn’t have to think about covering her legs.

This, especially with In the better weather they want to wear their shorts and not worry about their hairy legs.

TheScentOfElonMusk · 01/05/2025 12:30

I wasn't allowed to shave my legs when I was 10. I felt so embarrassed and it did the exact opposite of helping me accept my body. In fact I ended up hating my legs and had a weird relationship to them all the way into adulthood.

When my DD was 10, she asked to shave her legs and I didn't hesitate to let her. She's now 13 and often doesn't bother, but it's not remotely a big deal and her relationship with her body is very healthy.

Women often think it's about body acceptance and being a nice looking object for the male gaze. But I think really a child's aversion to their own body hair is more to do with the difficult transition from childhood to puberty and the feelings of fear that it brings up. Much better to give them a sense of control over their bodily autonomy at a time when their body is feeling out of their control. It's not the job of 9 and 10 year old girls to fight the fgoog feminist fight on our behalves, bless them.

Oganesson118 · 01/05/2025 12:32

I'd allow her to shave or use hair removal cream. If she is old enough to be bothered by it, she's old enough to remove it! I shaved my legs secretly using my mums razor for a couple of years starting around that age, it would have been easier if she'd showed me what to do cos I used to press on too hard and cut myself.

Coffeeishot · 01/05/2025 12:35

I wasn't allowed I was at High school, so 12/13 so I also cut myself using my step dad's razor then was shouted at, I let my Dds do it as soon as they started noticing/commenting it then becomes a non issue, not allowing just causes upset and friction.

WhatNoRaisins · 01/05/2025 12:40

Agree with PP, those electric shavers for legs are pretty safe so I'd go with one of those.

ConflictofInterest · 01/05/2025 12:45

Girls can start puberty at 9 it's really not too young. My DD asked to try shaving, followed by hair removal cream at 10, she was well into puberty by then. Once she realised it was a right pain and that no-one actually noticed after she did it she stopped and only shaves once in a blue moon now she's a teenager. So you might find once she's tried it out in a low-key way without it being a big deal of crossing some sort of line, she might be happy to go back to not bothering. This might just be families approach because I don't shave my legs so my DD's see it's optional (yes I do still swim and wear shorts/skirts) but I don't think it needs to be a big deal.

SlipperyLizard · 01/05/2025 12:47

My DD1 has very hairy legs, but at age 15 has never been bothered by them. She’s shaved her armpits maybe 3 times (she went through puberty young). I’ve always made it clear that if she wants to get rid of it, I’ll help. DD2 doesn’t shave her pits either (her legs are nowhere near as hairy).

The hairiness comes from DH’s side, SIL is also hairy and when DD1 was young made us promise that as soon as she asked us to help her with hair removal, we would. MIL had refused her and it made her life miserable.

Even if you disagree (as I do!) that women should have to shave, don’t make your DD’s life miserable to prove a point.

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