Second born not hitting milestones as fast

[MommaSmith]

I hear a lot of the time that second children usually pick up things a lot faster by watching the first and maybe because my two are so close together that doesn’t apply to us since I had two under 1.5 years

my second is already nearly 8 months old and by now his sibling was rolling and pushing himself up to a sitting position and crawling and he was using his arms to pull himself to stand. speaking wise, he was already saying a few words like mama and papa and others (which I understand is advanced for that age so maybe skews my perception)

so far my second can roll both ways and he can sit and aided, but only if I put him in that position. He doesn’t really babble at all let alone say words.
He has a thing about sticking his tongue out his mouth when he’s smiling and sometimes when he’s playing and just randomly, but he does it a lot so I don’t know if that’s a thing too

it is hard to not compare as I know two babies are not alike, but it is worrying me at this age. Maybe once they’re in school, I’ll worry a little less, but I just want to know if I should be flagging this as urgent to my Health Visitor on our next visit (if she ever responds to my message)

My eldest walked at 11m. DD2 didn't even crawl until 15m and I think finally walked at 18m. The youngest has the advantage of being entertained just by sitting and watching , not every child's nature is to try and get involved.

There is a huge range of normal and if your eldest is at the early end then it can feel like a massive difference if the youngest isn't!

My 1st started talking at 10 months my second didn't say mummy until 2. They all do things on there own time. Try not to worry!

I wouldn’t worry yet, you shouldn’t compare your DC to each other. DS1 never crawled but walked at 11 months, didn’t talk much until 2.5 years, slept through the night early on but wouldn’t go down until midnight, only napped 30 minutes most daytime. DS2 was complete opposite, crawled but walked later, talked much earlier, didn’t sleep through till almost 1, had to go to sleep by 8 and would sleep all afternoon if I let him. Toilet training was really hard with first, easy with second.

They’ve continued being different, one outgoing, the other not so much, one loved learning, other hated it. They are both adults now, one has an office job the other manual, one has left home, the other I doubt he ever will.

My first was walking (running, not in any kind of skilled or controlled way) by 9 months but couldn't string 2 words together until 3. My second didn't crawl until 11 months, but she was speaking well before 1, in full sentences before 2.

They all have their own skills. My second was a bit of a lazy lump, she liked to just sit (or lay) and watch. She was in no rush is all!

I think if you have a first that is on the early end of development for everything then it is really hard not compare and wonder why your second isn't. The important thing to remind yourself is there is a massive range of normal and only worry if you start falling out of that normal range in terms of maybe speaking to your health visitor.

My youngest did the tongue thing. When smiling or concentrating. He still does it now when he is really concentrating on something at 7.5 years. I find it adorable.

There can be a massive difference op and early at one stage doesn’t necessarily mean early at the next. Some personality types like to sit and observe them suddenly they start talking in full sentences, run shortly after they walk etc.

I was momentarily worried when you were describing what your eldest could do that the 8 month old couldn’t sit yet, but I think you clarified that he can. If he isn’t sitting strongly by now I would flag it to be safe, but otherwise just try not to worry. He’ll probably be the family rocket scientist.

What I would say op is does he get plenty of floor time?
Lots of features of modern life, such as apartment living with no access to lawn and just general anxiety about germs can mean some babies are a bit slower with some gross motor skill development these days. But it sounds as though your first wasn’t so just make sure they are getting the sane time with those things. There can be a tendency ( I’ve done it) to always have a subsequent baby in the pram rushing to pick up siblings from nursery etc, whereas baby 1 has mum to themself for plenty of quality tummy time etc.

Never compare!

My second did everything later than his sister because he had a willing helper. He'd sit there pointing at things and she'd fetch them for him.

He did talk earlier and sleep through earlier though but was basically a potato until 18 months.

I’m waiting for the “misogyny” crew to arrive now!🤣

I have three DC, the eldest was the earliest to hit most milestones. He had more words at 18 months than his younger brother had at 2yo, and walked earlier too. They're teens now and are all doing really well.

Should you flag it as urgent that your 8 month old can't talk or crawl yet? Erm, no. Because that's completely normal isn't it?

I would maybe speak to someone about your anxiety (or just to yourself) and try and get a handle on it. You're not going to enjoy being a parent if you're wracked with anxiety about a) your children being different from each other and b) your children not developing ahead of what is average.

He sounds in the normal range at the moment, and all babies develop differently so don’t compare to your older child. It’ll be flagged up this 10-12 month check if development is delayed at that stage.

I have b/g twins so it's interesting to see how they've developed. DS crawled first and DD just used to swivel on her bum, get frustrated she wasn't going anywhere and finally just bum shuffled around. She never crawled so she was more motivated to walk whereas DS could go pretty fast on a crawl. They both walked around the same time. DD then ran much earlier as she had zero sense of danger and is still a bit of an adrenaline junkie. DS is Mr. Health and Safety, much more cautious.

They are taking GCSEs now! DS is a lot more academically gifted but DD is very determined, very ambitious and is Head Girl. They are both amazing! So just to say, we all have different gifts. Maybe your early talker will find school easier, maybe they will struggle more socially, it's so hard to measure 'success'. Never compare, just enjoy them for who they are and they will both succeed.

This was my experience too. Eldest was walking confidently by 12 months youngest didn't even do their first steps until 16 months.Neither if them crawled until they were 10 months
Eldest said first words at 12 months and joined words together by 16 months , youngest didn't speak at all until around 18 months. Eldest did everything earlier. But youngest caught up.
All children are different as long as his development is within the expected timelines I wouldn't worry unless there are other issues on his development you are concerned about

I think she meant babbling not talking.

Usually the window for babbling to start is about 4 to 8 months so op has posted at an appropriate time to ask about that - albeit I’m sure it’s fine.

She also mentioned pulling to sitting and gross motor skills generally, not just full on crawling.

I agree it all sounds perfectly ok but she is justified in feeling it’s not fast. It’s not like she posted saying he can’t leap the hurdles or read.

It doesn’t hurt to ask. That’s what other mums are here for surely.

So, so true.

I feel as though when my grandmothers had babies this was the sort of attitude people took. Then came all the manuals and self-help books and … boom: childhood became a ticking time bomb of targets.

Exactly this, I’m not putting them against each other but I know what to roughly expect by this age

I did find a list of things for baby to achieve 7-9 months:

Social & Emotional

Smiles at familiar people ✅
enjoys playing peekaboo or interactive games ✅
responds to their name ❌

Listening & Understanding

Turns head toward sounds or voices ✅
lookw when you point to something ❌
recog words like “no,” “bye-bye,” or their own name ❌

Sounds & Babbling

Makes a variety of sounds ❌
Babbles using consonants like ba, da, ga ❌
Strings sounds together (e.g., “babababa”) ❌
May imitate some sounds or tone of voice ❌

Mouth & Facial Movements

Explores with mouth (teething toys, fingers) ✅
Blows raspberries, makes clicking or smacking sounds ❌
Tongue stays mostly inside the mouth when not playing/teething ❌

But then I guess I probably got another month before I should become a bit more concerned

My eldest walked at just over one, my youngest wouldn’t even stand independently until she was nearly 2. She’s now a dancer and runner!! try not to worry xxx

Mine were exactly the same. My youngest was far more relaxed and didn't care about getting up and exploring.

My second was much slower to milestones - I think because frankly I had a lot less time to sit with him and encourage rolling, standing, walking etc! Also DD just passed him everything when he pointed at it so less motivation! He stood at 12 months, walked at 16 months and started speaking a bit after 2 - she was way ahead of all that! I wouldn’t worry he sounds like he’s doing fine