Reducing breastfeeds for 1yo who won’t eat

[Blueowlnight]

My almost 1yo barely eats anything. We generally offer him whatever we’re eating 3x a day but he rarely eats it. Wont touch fruit, used to eat some veg but now rarely, mostly just likes yoghurt (with nothing in it) or breadsticks (with nothing on it)l and pasta. I’d say about 90-95% of his food is breast milk

a main challenge is he just wants breastmilk. At dinner he literally screams and screams until I give him any. I’ve tried feeding him before dinner (tried just before, 5 mins before, 20 mins before) but unless it’s something he decides he really wants to eat he really gets so distressed. I’ve tried not feeding him and it’s really horrible for the whole family. I’ve tried having him on my lap but he’s just trying to get to my boobs, and gets really upset on my partners lap. Tried not being there and he still just screams. We’ve tried eating on the floor, eating outside, tried playing with food by feeding each other

Feeling really tearful as the hv told me today he should be eating 3 meals and a snack by now and has got in the habit of only having breastmilk.

Im at a loss, I don’t know what to do and feel so bad that I’ve deprived my son of nutrients. Or I let him scream and get really distressed?

has anyone got through this? Any advice? The hv didn’t help with actually breaking the cycle

My daughter was still almost exclusively milk fed at 12months. She didn't eat her first meal until 13 months when she was sat on my lap and ate my dinner!
We were under dietitian and paediatrician as she has reflux and food allergies. She was slower to wean and was only having a few spoons of food a day.

We did keep milk separate for meal times from about 8 months she had a feed before her mid morning nap, her afternoon nap, before bed and overnight. We switched from breastfeeding to formula at 10 months and she had this same pattern. She dropped her nap at 13-14 months and that feed went with it. She was 20 months before she ate enough to reduce her formula and transition her on to oat milk. She had about 500ml of oat milk a day until 4when she started school she's at 300-500 ml now.

From 7-13 months she didn't gain weight as she needed food and formula to gain weight which was part of the reason we wanted to find a path for food and milk.

I think in your position you need to try to separate out breastfeeds and meal times. I wouldn't try and do the all at once so start with the easiest meal time to have a ban on breastfeeding and feed to the clock for that part of the day then pick another mealtime to tackle.

In your position I would take a big step back from the actual eating and focus on making the high chair fun and enjoyable. He's not going to eat anything if he's stressed and screaming. So bf him as needed, and sit him at the table whenever you're eating, as long as he's happy with that having been bf first. Toys on his tray to start with so he's just having fun and learning that the high chair is a nice experience. Keep the routine of bf first until he's happy in the high chair. Don't try and feed him, let him sit there and be curious about what you've got. He'll probably start reaching for whatever you have on your plate and if so great, let him go for it and have a try. Otherwise, start sitting him in the high chair when he's not full but also not starving, so snack time basically, and re-introduce food that way.

If you can, ditch the high chair tray and pull him right up to the table so he can really see what you're doing and can start to explore on his own terms. There is literally no food so charming to babies as the food on someone else's plate 🤣

Also, work with whatever time of day he's most receptive as to the bf that you start to drop. Eg if he's willing to eat a yoghurt mid morning, start with that as a regular time, and offer a bit of fruit or veg afterwards. He doesn't need to eat at the same times as you, you can adjust that later.

These are such helpful messages, thank you for taking the time. I felt really lost and now I have some ideas. Thinking about it, dinner is when we serve the bulk of food but he might be getting tired by then, so I might need to prioritise lunch or afternoon/morning snack and just use dinner as social time (with food around if he wants it).

I also just blitzed up some defrosted frozen mango and milk for him and he drank the whole thing through a straw cup - this is literally the most fruit he has ever had! I had wondered whether there was something sensory he didn’t like about the juiciness of holding fruit, maybe this is a good starter for him.

I don’t want to get into habits of serving him different food, so had been pretty rigid on giving him what we have (in a baby appropriate way eg low salt, finger food where poss or easily spooned) but maybe he needs a bit more adaptation to get the nutrition in him

It's really hard, I think some kids just aren't as ready for solids as others, or are more attached to breastfeeding.
My daughter took ages to take to solids and we did give up on feeding her the same as us - we continued to offer her the same as us on her plate but also included what's known as 'safe' foods, so things we knew she was likely to eat to try and get some food into her and make meal times feel a bit more productive.
We really struggled though because her sleep got so bad when she was hungry because we tried to limit breastfeeds and encourage solids. So we did take a few steps back to prioritise sleep for a while.
We managed to stop breastfeeding during the day at around 18 months as by then she understood the concept of saving it for bedtime.
I think prioritising meals during the day is a good idea, not leaving the main meal as dinner, they're always less likely to cooperate when they're tired!
I honestly found it all so stressful, especially seeing others eat so well and I found the HV extremely unhelpful, they basically refused any additional support until we weaned fully (day & night) and were quite rude about the whole situation.
I had to take a bit more of a relaxed approach for my mental health, I made an effort to find breadsticks with no additives etc so I felt a bit better about it being one of her favourite foods! Meal times being a battle 3 times a day was so unsustainable for my well being.
But honestly even now at 3 she's not a great eater, she's definitely averse to certain textures, despite lots of messy play opportunities. There's been lots of improvement, but she's very inconsistent, sometimes she'll eat meat, fruits etc but other times she won't touch them. We've never gotten a vegetable into her which I find so hard, I'm a huge vegetable fan so its not for lack of trying/modelling.
I just hope that as time goes on she'll gradually expand her range of foods because I think its such a shame to have a really limited diet.
But for now she is happy and healthy so I try not to get too worked up about it, we managed to wean fully about 2.5, and I think it has improved her appetite during the day but I don't think she was ready earlier than 2 to wean fully.
My husband keeps reminding me that she's improved massively over the last 2 years but I find it a bit harder to see.
I felt really lost, because most of my friends kids just seemed to eat anything and everything without complaint or fussiness and mine just refused until she was starving and then screamed for breastfeeding. So many of the strategies seemed to have no effect, it was really hard.
Hopefully you get some improvements soon!

It might also be worth finding things he will eat and adding extra calories to them. Eg porridge with peanut butter, or avocado and banana mashed together (sounds weird, tastes great).

I give my 11 month old sweetcorn or peas to play with (the frozen kind, so very cheap and easy to just get a little bit out). Some go on the floor, but some are eaten. I think you are right that you need to meet him where he is right now with food, help him get in to the idea of tasting/eating more things. There might be special food prep for a little while. Sometimes my LO will eat what we are eating (sandwiches are a recent addition; jacket potato; banana pancakes); but other times we need to mash or partially blend what we are having, especially if it's got meat in it. Otherwise it gets spat out.

I also just blitzed up some defrosted frozen mango and milk for him and he drank the whole thing through a straw cup - this is literally the most fruit he has ever had!
that's great! Nice one OP ☺️

I found weaning so stressful the first time around and SO much easier the second. When you have one DC already eating child -appropriate meals at child-appropriate times, it's almost harder to keep the youngest away from the food. They just slot right in. Whereas with your first you have to make all these decisions from scratch and it can be really overwhelming. And stressful because of helpful people like your HV giving you goals and targets. Which again, with your second you have so much less time and headspace to think about what they're eating vs their age, that milestones like that don't seem so crucial.

So my weaning hack would be to find some friends who have preschoolers and offer to take care of their kids for the day 🤣

Hi,

I hope you managed to fix the problem and wondering how you managed to do it? I’m in a similar position. I need to stop breastfeeding but my baby refuses to eat basically all food other than Ella’s melty sticks (🙄). She’s already lost half a kilo over the last couple of months and I’m a little worried about her weight even though she seems happy enough. I’ve cut out a couple of feeds but she’s still not interested in eating. Advice greatly appreciated!

Ahhhh this was exactly like mine! I tried to drop one feed at a time, offering cuddles or water or food. For food, we kept offering stuff we knew he liked or close to it as snacks, focussing on protein and fat like tofu, hummus, cheese, yoghurt.

we have persosted with offering the same meals we’re having, at the same time. There’s usually pasta, rice or bready food and we always offer Greek yog with each meal so he will eat part of it but is still being exposed to other things. Over time breastfeeding just gradually reduced to naps only, and food has increased

he’s still picky! I’ve never met another child who refuses fruit as much as him haha. I do still worry about him but I think we’re playing the long game

Thank you for replying!! Great to hear he’s slowly getting the hang of it - hopefully my girl is the same. She doesn’t seem bothered about losing the breastfeeds but also doesn’t want to replace them with anything… I expect it will be gradual as it has been with you