Do you ever regret having kids?

[Mumofonexo]

For background info I had a really traumatic birth with forceps/episiotomy done without consent, also ended up with a 3b tear.

diagnosed with ptsd and postnatal depression.

I’m on antidepressants too.

some days I feel like I absolutely adore my child then others I feel regretful. They are 18 months old now and I’m having problems with their behaviour (biting/ slapping/ scratching) and the screaming tantrums that go on for hours.

Some days I just think why did I choose to have a child because I’m so miserable and exhausted with the behavioural issues.

if you had a difficult time did it get better?

@Mumofonexo I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time OP 💐

Parenting is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever chosen to do. My child is now 4.5 and we’ve had some really difficult spells within that time where I’ve felt so completely overwhelmed by it all. Some lasting a few weeks, others a bit longer. Things like biting/hitting etc can be so overstimulating and triggering for parents too.

But the in between times, when things are calm and I look at this little human that I made…I know I made the right decision. He’s my biggest blessing and I’m eternally grateful to get to be his Mum.

Things really do get easier. At 18 months they usually don’t quite have the best communication skills or the ability to understand their feelings and it can lead to a lot of frustration for everyone. They change so much in such a short space of time. This stage won’t last forever.

Do you have real life support from a partner/family/friends?

I’ve never regretted having either of mine, no. But I have absolutely wanted a bloody break from them.

Do you get a break? Can you? I would have found it really difficult to be with mine all day every day. I went back to work at 9 and 11 months with my two and it was wonderful. 3-4 days a week when we had a break from each other and I enjoyed work, so it meant doing something I enjoyed all day. I also had Dh to give me a break outside work. I went away on holiday without them (well, one was a work trip, but felt like a holiday!) at 16 and 18 months. It was nice to just get away and not be stuck at home where it felt like Groundhog Day every day!

You don’t have to do the same, but do you get a break? Do you have access to childcare? Do you have family or a partner who could have them so you get regular time to yourself. That was really key for me.

I did but as she got older the regret faded a lot. The early years are so tough and birth can be horrific, but it does get better with time. Hang in there OP.

I also had forceps and episiotomy without consent and a 3b tear (which was missed so not repaired).

I’ve never regretted my baby, but being left disabled by the birth has completely thrown me as I wasn’t told of any of the risks so didn’t even know it was a possibility. It’s made my life much harder as I’m on my own with the baby and I’d always been really fit and healthy beforehand. It’s a weight being the sole provider for the baby but knowing that my body is so damaged and working is now difficult. It’s far from the motherhood i imagined.

I wish I could do more to stop instrumental deliveries ruining the lives of so many women.

It’s so hard, I can’t say anything to make you feel better but totally understand you. I wish I could be the parent I wanted to be to my daughter, but I’ve been so physically damaged by the birth it’s been impossible as I’ll never be able to do things like sit on the floor or bounce around.

I had a traumatic birth with dd2. Episiotomy, forceps etc. Not pleasant and hard to recover from. She's 7 now and mostly delightful. It remains hard work but it is different when they can do more for themselves and speak to you properly. It's more enjoyable and you adapt over the years too. Getting a break when you can might help you feel brighter.

You're in a crap phase. I did not enjoy ages 1-2. They are mobile, but their speech is limited, and they don't understand risks to themselves or others. My kid was constantly pulling my hair and taking my glasses off my face at 18 months, as well as climbing on absolutely everything.

Somewhere between 2.5 to 3 it got better. Potty training becomes established, so you don't need to leave the house with a massive changing bag, they start being able to have proper conversations and understand/ remember what you tell them (although they may choose to ignore it!).

No I haven’t ever regretted having them but have found it difficult at times.

I definitely found it hard at times but now they are all teenagers or older I can say it’s been worth it a zillion times over. Having a good relationship with an adult child is the greatest joy imaginable.

I could never regret it as every second I lived the way it was resulted in the child I have and she is wonderful.

however, I do occasionally find myself pining for the relatively carefree life and freedom I once had. My world is smaller for it, but life is richer.

As a PP has said, it is the single hardest thing I have ever chosen to do. I have had many days like yours and it can drive you to distraction. But then I look at her little face and I just know I couldn’t have it any other way. It’s like she has always been here!

i found 18-24m particularly challenging because she had the feelings and understanding but not the words to express herself. That’s getting better now (at 2.5), and spending time together is becoming a joy.

Hang in there!

I don’t think it gets easier. But, I assure you, it gets better.

I'm on the fence