Ugh. Constant digs that baby is attached to me.

[howmanytimesnc]

Just need a vent really. 9mo DS. DH works in the city and with commuting he is gone 7am-7pm. I’m on maternity and so baby is with me all the time. We don’t have family locally, so I don’t get to drop him off for an hour here or there, but see friends occasionally and do school runs for eldest so it’s not like he hasn’t seen another human before.

So here’s the vent. DS is very attached to me. Not only it’s normal for a baby to go through clingy stages, but come on - he is with me ALL the time. So it’s understandable no?

DH could have him in the evenings / weekends and the moment DS sees me, he becomes hysterical for me. Yes, I do leave them to it sometimes, sometimes if he’s inconsolable I will take him back.

DH will make the same comment EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. “It’s because he’s seen you”. “It’s because he’s too attached to you”. “He’s a mummy’s boy”. And I hear it multiple times in the evenings and all bloody day Saturday and Sunday.

Okay? I can’t change his reaction! I can’t “train” him not to be attached. I’m not exactly going to leave a 9mo in the living room for a couple hours while I go to the supermarket so he stops seeing me. So why make those comments?

And more importantly why do they boil my piss so much!!! I think it’s because it’s implying I am some sort of problem? I raised it with him today and he said no he doesn’t think it’s my fault, it’s just stating a fact. Ok?!?!?!

Thanks for letting me vent ha!

They all go through clingy stages, and he will probably grow out of it. Tell your DH to pipe down. It is perfectly normal and not a reflection on him. Equally some of the comments, he has said were just banter in our house so maybe try not to read too much into them. When I was on mat leave my DH did find the clingy phase difficult. He wanted to spend time with DCs when he got home from the office and it made him quite sad when they wanted nothing to do with him. It will swap though, there will be times when he will be a Daddy's boy and you will feel a bit left out too. Just both try and enjoy it for what it is and keep smiling. This bit is tough and so rewarding. And maybe encourage your DH to take him out for an hour or so this weekend on his own for a bit to give you a break. That way they can spend a bit of time bonding too.

Can you give them some time together alone in the evenings and weekends?

Have you told him how annoying you find it? It would drive me mad too!

Your husband has a point. He wants to be a father and spend quality time with his baby.
He could be one of these deadbeat dads always down the pub.
Yes you can do something about it- you can go out at the weekend or evening and let them have some bonding time, rather than hover.

Can you ask your DH to stop it? He’s shaming your baby for being secure with you. It’s just separation anxiety - totally normal phase, nothing wrong with it (except being exhausting for you!)

He's making those comments because underneath it he's probably a little bit sad/worried that you have the closer bond. He's not saying you are the problem. He's saying (clumsily) that there is a problem. It's hard when your own child screams blue murder when they're handed to you.

I agree with pp that you should try to leave them for some 1:1 time at the weekends.

I've just come through the clingy stage with my 9MO DD. DH WFH and takes her every morning and evening for some solo time but it still doesn't help.

From my perspective, it sounds as if your DH is a bit embarrassed or jealous that baby clearly currently prefers you. My DH explained that he felt a bit hurt and a bit of a failure when DD was so clingy to me. He acknowledged it was completely irrational, but I can appreciate that it still mustn't be a nice feeling.

Sympathies, hopefully this stage doesn't last long

I’d stop leaving them to it ‘sometimes’ and make it part of your routine every day when he gets home to leave them totally alone for 30mins or whatever and go have a shower or something. Babies love routine so he will get used to it and your DH will stop expecting you to come take the baby every time he cries

I agree with this. He wants to spend time being dad and is happy for you not to be there. That’s surely the dream isn’t it? Take a bath, go for a walk, read a book, decompress. Many would love that chance.

Thanks all! We do have a 5yo too and I know that his experience back then was different - he was WFH a lot during Covid and so DD was generally the other way I’d say - a daddy’s girl! I could never calm her the way he did! So I can see why it frustrates him as he’s probably comparing the baby stages to each other.

I wouldn’t say he particularly wants to spend ‘quality time with baby’ - he doesn’t really ‘play’ with him in the evenings. It’s his cranky stage and he wants to be distracted but DH is tired from work (understandably) so will sit on the sofa with him, not walk around like I would. It’s also hard with the layout of our house not to be in DS’s view, when walking to and from kitchen / going to bathroom so I’m not ‘hovering’.

Guess I’m not saying his feelings are invalid, I get them! I just can’t do much so the digs don’t help when I’m tired and baby is screaming.

Tbh, this is usually the time I will be with 5yo attending to her needs but I’ll be within earshot. So DS will either hear my voice or see me. If it was just baby I totally would just disappear!

Tried to tonight but I don’t think it landed! We’ll see though!

I wouldn't tolerate that. Of course he a mummy's boy, he 9 months old for fucks sake. I can't stand that phrase it means he thinks the baby is pathetic for preferring his mum and should "man up". It's such a horrible misogynistic phrase.

Take your 5yr old out for the day, spend some quality 1 on 1 time. Leave DH too it with the baby. Or go out for a walk, gm, shopping, spa whatever.

I can see how those comments might be upsetting but you need to give him a chance too. Not just taking the baby back whenever they get cranky.

Have similar comments. Especially the mummy's boy one but it's banter in our house and I just say and you are too? Difference is he's 10 months and you're 40 🙄 my DH likes the fact our son is so attached to me as he thinks that's normal. In saying this, I always try to encourage their bond and definitely don't see myself at the expert on our baby. Tell him to pack the comments in and stop digging at you.

Absolutely this! You need to give him a chance to bond with your child. He’s got so little time so you need to help him make it count. If, of course, you want them to have a relationship.

I like this comeback! Stealing!

My little one is super attached to me and often gets very distressed when with his Dad. He is breastfed and I think that hasn’t helped. He is now 18months and still inclined to want to be with me more especially if tired or hurt but also happier to do things with Dad a bit too.
My husband finds it hard and I do too as it kind of makes me feel a bit trapped at times. I tell myself this phase will pass.

I just want to add that in the evenings, when he is shattered after work, the tone in which he says ‘ugh it’s because he can see you’ is snappy and more fed up. And knowing him for as long as I do what that translates to is ‘I am happy to hold him while you get on with stuff, but he needs to be happy’. So I rather take the baby and keep the peace rather than have a grumpy DH and a grumpy baby + in overtired DD who doesn’t want to go brush her teeth.

On the weekends yes, he’s refreshed and the comment is probably more to do with him wanting the relationship to be different so I am taking on board the suggestions to give them one on one time rather than having strictly family days as a 3.

Ahhh I’m sorry! That does sound tough as it’s been so long! You know what, sometimes I just want to eat my dinner without someone needing me! If it’s not DD asking me to get her something, it’s DS wanting me to give him attention. Why can’t I just eat without feeling stressed 😂

Omg yes to eat dinner in peace. We can dream 😉

I agree with this.

Go out and let them have some time together.

Eh well, they do go through clingy phases but I wouldn’t say it’s normal for babies to be like this generally just because they have one primary carer.

I would tell your husband you aren’t enjoying the clinginess either, so pls knock the comments on the head because it’s maddening. But your husband is flagging (in a tactless way) that the clinginess isn’t helping him bond with his kid, so (because it’s not good for you or the baby either) I would start leaving him with Dad for longer pronto. Send them to the park etc.