Please help I have never felt so low

[JustPlumPombear]

Backstory pleaase bear with me I really need advice
I been with baby’s dad 5 years ( he lied about his visa status. He was illegal I didn’t know till he got deported)
he got deported when I was pregnant. I had to move back with my family
Didn’t reunite till baby was 6 months old I had to go through all that completely alone ( one bit of trauma)
cut to now we’ve broken up and baby is 8 months old
he came back when she was 6 months after a long process I had to do a dna and speak with people to get family visa etc he “came back” to my surprise one day.. ILLEGALLy again.

so now he’s here illegally we’re not together I’m struggling beyond words so much raising a baby alone, I never expected this would be how it would play out. I get 2 hours sleep a day sometimes 4 if I’m lucky
POINT
point is he sees her 2 hours a week in the day on a Saturday that’s “ all he can afford to do”
I have to beg him to give me any money for her
i get universal credit and child benefit that’s it £675 a month
i hold on to that 2 measly hours a week to sleep some solid 2 hours sometimes he’ll stretch to 3 hours..
Now he’s moving away for work 7 hours he doesn’t know if it’s permanent or at least 6 months.. he said he’ll come back for her birthday that’s it
I said how can. U even leave ur daughter this long it’s disgusting
I am really struggling it’s so unfair he can work and better his life and I’m stuck with no money, no life, no sleep no job nothing I’m totally fucked
I can’t even go to court as he’ll just get deported which at this point it won’t make any difference to me
honestly this has even made me suicidal I have never felt so down and low In my life and stuck to add to it the person I stay with has said they would like me to leave in the next few months they never signed up to have a crying screaming baby here this long
I’m so fed up

Oh my word it’s no wonder you are struggling and fed up. What an absolute shero you are to be powering your way through this the way you are. I know you feel so low and overwhelmed but you are hanging in there for your daughter and that is amazing. Remind yourself of that daily.

I think you need to try (I know easier said) to forget about this guy, he’s a waste of space and draining your precious energy. Maybe in the future he will realise what he is missing but for now he’s not contributing much to DDs life. Your energy would be better focused on where you can get some reliable help - are there any family or friends who can take baby for an hr or two?

You need to forget him and find support elsewhere. You mention you moved back with family, can they not support you? You must be seriously ill with only getting 2 hours sleep everyday. I assume baby is getting more sleep than this, I would recommend the balance app whenever baby is sleeping, to teach yourself how to meditate and get some proper rest. I would speak to someone impartial like citizens advice about what you should do in regards to the dad, but there’s no point in harvesting a relationship between him and your daughter if he’s not going to be here. Also speak to your gp, it may seem pointless now but they are the gatekeepers to a lot of services you might not know are available, sounds like you’ll need some counselling too if no one else is checking in on you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I was a single mother to a 6 month old and 14 month old, it was harrowing but I’m so so so happy now, they are 3 & 4.

Sorry that should say 18 month old

Hello OP,

First off you need to fix the sleep issue, as it's just impossible to do more than survive on so little sleep. What happens at night ? What are your daughter's sleep patterns ? At 8 months old it's unusual for a baby to wake regularly more than a couple of times a night, if that.

Second, you need to take things one day at a time. If your ex is here illegally, inform authorities. Then put him out of your head. He's shown clearly that he isn't interested in your daughter. Now focus on the two of you.

I hope you didn’t allow him to add his name to the birth certificate because he might try to use that as a way to stay in the UK. I would report him too.

definitely speak to your GP about the lack of sleep, they might be able to suggest something be it a service or medication.

Hi op, please call your health visitor and tell them everything here, they can signpost you to help

I don’t think you need to be responsible for getting her father deported though it’s better she sees him a few times a year than never at all

6 month and 14 months!! How is that even possible unless one born very early! True Irish twins I applaud you

We don't say that any more, as it's insulting.