This has probably been written many times before but I find having a toddler sooo difficult and I miss my old life sometimes. I have two older children aged 9 and 13 and was sure that I didn't want anymore because I struggled so much when they were toddlers but I decided to do it all again and now have a 19 month old. She's amazing and I love her so much but I feel like someone is pouring acid on my brain. She does go to nursery once a week which is all we can afford with the 15 hours and the added fees. I work evening shifts and my partner works during the day. We do a play area on a Friday but the other days I find myself so depressed. She screams when I leave the room, if I try to do any house work she screams and that's also adding to my depression as the house is a disgrace. My partner does help when he gets home from work but it's not how I'd clean and he's very tired. Then add a teenager and a 9 year old to the mix and I feel I have very little grey matter left. A messy house, a messy toddler and teenager, no me time and nothing to really look forward to, including a job I'm bored to death in. Yay! I really do try to be grateful and I am but its tough going sometimes. Maybe I'm just hormonal but just wanted to vent, thanks for reading if you got this far.