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Original poster

Are there any single parents in this situation?

12 replies

Howandwhy · 27/04/2025 23:12

I'm curious as to how many single parents out there never get a break from their child/children unless they're at work?

If this is your situation (no family or friends to help, no help from children's father and no baby sitter) which tactics have you used to try to overcome this situation to prevent feeling burnt out?

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Temporaryanonymity · 27/04/2025 23:26

I was - eventually they get older and it gets easier. When they were younger I paid a fortune to David Lloyd gyms so I could put them in kids club so I could at least exercise.

EmmaJane2025 · 27/04/2025 23:44

Routine, routine, routine. I don’t know any different now. Gets so much easier as they get older

EmmaJane2025 · 27/04/2025 23:47

Feel free to pm me if you’d like a chat with someone else in the same situation.

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Original poster
Howandwhy · 28/04/2025 06:20

Temporaryanonymity · 27/04/2025 23:26

I was - eventually they get older and it gets easier. When they were younger I paid a fortune to David Lloyd gyms so I could put them in kids club so I could at least exercise.

That's my dream! Xx

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Original poster
Howandwhy · 28/04/2025 06:21

EmmaJane2025 · 27/04/2025 23:47

Feel free to pm me if you’d like a chat with someone else in the same situation.

Thank you and I will x

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AmyFFismyhomegirl · 28/04/2025 06:35

I was, from when ds was born to when he was 6. It was relentless and you have my sympathies. It does get easier as they get older and have friends and sleepovers and activities.

The main thing that helped me was making good friends with three mums whose children were at the same nursery and who worked as well. They had partners, but we had a tight group and would spend a morning or afternoon at the weekends together with the kids at soft play/park etc, and would sometimes have weekends away camping.

I did find it difficult finding a gym with a creche outside of working hours-that was the dream! Looking back with hindsight now at that time and knowing what I know now about work etc (and thr rules on flexibility having changed!) I would have dropped a daybor half day and taken the wages hit to have some time to myself for chores and shopping and just stuff on a regular basis. If I could work it I would ask for condensed hours and do an extra hour after bedtime from home to get an afternoon off.

However, with no other support it really does come down to making mum friends with a similar outlook and situation. Then they can hang out with you and the kids together at your house or on trips out, you can host their kids for a few hours (kids entertain themselves better together anyway!) and there will be reciprocity. And live for holidays away with holiday clubs!

Good luck-it really is a tough tough time and so difficult when you are in the thick of it.

Neveragain35 · 28/04/2025 06:42

That was me when my DC were younger. Absolutely agree on the making mum friends. My life was a complicated array of lift share arrangements, but it meant I only had to do the Brownies run once every 3 weeks!

Also be kind to yourself and find a way to cut corners- such as finding quick healthy meals the DC will eat, don’t beat yourself up about taking them to McDonalds/ a supermarket cafe when you’ve had a long day. I also had an amazing childminder who would feed them a proper dinner, so one night a week I paid for them to stay later and have dinner there so I could stay later at work and get stuff done.

Meadowfinch · 28/04/2025 06:53

Yes, me.

Ex decided not to have our DS until he was toilet trained and could use a knife & fork and sit quietly in a restaurant. Then when Covid arrived, he sent me a text saying 'see you both when it's all over.'. 😂

I found routine helped, and adding things in that cheered me up. Kitchen discos with DS when he was tiny, or organising a play pen in the garden so I could mow the lawn or plant bedding while chatting to DS. Being as mobile and unrestricted as possible - DS came with me in a sling then on the back of my bike, then on a push trike, a scooter, finally his own bike. We chatted a lot, even if he had no idea what I was talking about.

He went to the theatre, the pub, art exhibitions as a baby/ toddler. Hiking and beach walking. By five he could sing along to Dexy's Midnight Runners or Dire Straits 😊 and help me shop.

I got to the point that I got more stressed by the few times when DS couldn"'t come with me - finding Saturday cover for a 6-weekly trip to get my hair cut was a nightmare.

You have to find a way that works for you both. Children are adaptable and as long as everyone is cheerful and gets enough sleep, you can make it work. Don't be too precious about house work. Having fun and relaxing is much more important.

usererror57 · 28/04/2025 08:21

I don’t either - and quite often I get home from work and think my adult colleagues have behaved no better than kids either 😂 it’s exhausting. My ex husband left when twins were babies so I’ve got a long way to go until they are old enough to be a bit more self sufficient - it’s hard and recently I’ve been feeling the stress pressure and burn out. Now the weather is better that is helping a bit as able to get out and about more and I manage a coffee on a park bench whilst they play x

Original poster
Howandwhy · 29/04/2025 06:47

AmyFFismyhomegirl · 28/04/2025 06:35

I was, from when ds was born to when he was 6. It was relentless and you have my sympathies. It does get easier as they get older and have friends and sleepovers and activities.

The main thing that helped me was making good friends with three mums whose children were at the same nursery and who worked as well. They had partners, but we had a tight group and would spend a morning or afternoon at the weekends together with the kids at soft play/park etc, and would sometimes have weekends away camping.

I did find it difficult finding a gym with a creche outside of working hours-that was the dream! Looking back with hindsight now at that time and knowing what I know now about work etc (and thr rules on flexibility having changed!) I would have dropped a daybor half day and taken the wages hit to have some time to myself for chores and shopping and just stuff on a regular basis. If I could work it I would ask for condensed hours and do an extra hour after bedtime from home to get an afternoon off.

However, with no other support it really does come down to making mum friends with a similar outlook and situation. Then they can hang out with you and the kids together at your house or on trips out, you can host their kids for a few hours (kids entertain themselves better together anyway!) and there will be reciprocity. And live for holidays away with holiday clubs!

Good luck-it really is a tough tough time and so difficult when you are in the thick of it.

Well done for getting through this and I have tried to make mum friends but it's not reciprocal. Their kids spend weekends and half term at mines or have days out with me but nobody offers me the same and I hate to ask...

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Original poster
Howandwhy · 29/04/2025 06:50

Meadowfinch · 28/04/2025 06:53

Yes, me.

Ex decided not to have our DS until he was toilet trained and could use a knife & fork and sit quietly in a restaurant. Then when Covid arrived, he sent me a text saying 'see you both when it's all over.'. 😂

I found routine helped, and adding things in that cheered me up. Kitchen discos with DS when he was tiny, or organising a play pen in the garden so I could mow the lawn or plant bedding while chatting to DS. Being as mobile and unrestricted as possible - DS came with me in a sling then on the back of my bike, then on a push trike, a scooter, finally his own bike. We chatted a lot, even if he had no idea what I was talking about.

He went to the theatre, the pub, art exhibitions as a baby/ toddler. Hiking and beach walking. By five he could sing along to Dexy's Midnight Runners or Dire Straits 😊 and help me shop.

I got to the point that I got more stressed by the few times when DS couldn"'t come with me - finding Saturday cover for a 6-weekly trip to get my hair cut was a nightmare.

You have to find a way that works for you both. Children are adaptable and as long as everyone is cheerful and gets enough sleep, you can make it work. Don't be too precious about house work. Having fun and relaxing is much more important.

Thanks for that, you sound amazing. The house work is killing me tbh.

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Original poster
Howandwhy · 29/04/2025 06:52

usererror57 · 28/04/2025 08:21

I don’t either - and quite often I get home from work and think my adult colleagues have behaved no better than kids either 😂 it’s exhausting. My ex husband left when twins were babies so I’ve got a long way to go until they are old enough to be a bit more self sufficient - it’s hard and recently I’ve been feeling the stress pressure and burn out. Now the weather is better that is helping a bit as able to get out and about more and I manage a coffee on a park bench whilst they play x

Big hugs. You certainly get my respect with juggling two the same age!

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