Little interest in DCs birthday party

[Ladyingreen999]

My DC is in Year 2 and we still invite his whole class to his birthday because he doesn't really want to pick who to invite and doesn't have a close friendship group (but likes everyone).

We don't expect everyone to be able to come or even reply based on previous experiences, hence inviting the whole class and hoping for 60-75% turnout. However, I've noticed that, even with LOTS of notice, a lot of people apparently can't make it (some a couple of years in a row), and this year even more so than the year before. In reception the turnout was way better so I'm unconvinced so many people really can't make it (on a Sunday afternoon).

We booked a fun activity for his birthday and I know from various sources my DC gets on well with everyone in his class (just not close with anyone in particular, apart from maybe 2-3 kids, but I didn't want to invite just 3 children).

Now that birthday parties tend to get smaller he doesn't get invited to as many as I suppose he doesn't make the cut which I'm OK with. But I wonder if some parents just RSVP No to our invite because they know my DC wasn't /won't be invited to their DCs party so they think it would be cheeky to make us pay for their child’s activity? Or do kids their age start refusing going to parties if they're not good friends with someone /opposite sex etc? (my DC doesn't but maybe others do).

I'd just like to understand why this might be happening so I can decide what to do next year. He will still have a decent number of friends attending so it won't ruin his party, but it's been playing on my mind a lot!

I never had a whole class party

and never had the slightest qualm about accepting an invite from a child that my child hadn’t chosen to invite to their party!

Year 3…. Definitely no whole class party!!

Agreed.

OP, you say he's close to 2 -3 kids, so just invite those children.

I think people tend to be quite protective of their weekends and don't want to be tied up for a Sunday afternoon unless it's for a close friend of their dc.

I'd just like to understand why this might be happening so I can decide what to do next year

You are thinking about his party NEXT YEAR?!

Is it around the May bank holidays?

Our school puts the whole of ks1 together (in 3 classes) so whole class parties are still common. Year 3 is different. We had 3 kids for an activity and sleepover in year 3 (all 4 kids are close and parents are happy with sleepovers)

Have a yr 2 and a yr 3

yr 2 has had 3 parties all close friends and yr 3 has had 2.

I have honestly declined whole class ones as my child doesn’t know the child that well. Only had 1 full class invite this year for yr 2.

year 2/3 is where they start to dwindle to just main friends as it tends to be either something more expensive or pizza/milkshake

My mum had a rule that you could only invite as many people as your age. Maybe start that one with him.

Also a lot start getting friends from outside activities as well.

No.

No but I want to know the possible reasons now cause it's been playing on my mind.

Is the activity a bit childish? Whole class parties are usually things like bouncy castles around us.

It is Sat or Sun morning when lots of kids have activities?

Not at Easter or clashes with a local event?

Not at all, it's a sport activity paid per person but we knew from last year there's no way the whole class would turn up so it's still affordable for us. Suppose it might be less appealing to girls.

It’s more than a year away op

maybe revisit a couple of months beforehand and see what your son fancies

I think people have more and more commitments on weekends. In reception we had no commitments. Now we have dance, football etc. we would probably only miss these for close friends parties. That may explain why there are less attendees than in reception 👍🏻

By year 2 or 3 here parties were mainly split into boys and girls or smaller groups. Year 2 and 3 for DS he had a football one at the local leisure centre. Invited all the boys both times and nearly all came. Year 4 was same but laser tag instead.

DD in year 2 had 3 friends over for a twa party and then an activity out.

Whole class parties have always been either village hall with bouncy castle or soft play.

I'd go for a smaller invite list. And make sure it's afternoon not morning. Less likely to clash with regular activities

If its a sports type activity it may be the child invited doesn't want to do that activity. So they would say they don't want to go.

I think I'd just invite a few you know he is good friends with.

I did a whole class party in y1 for both my kids and it was fun. We had about 66% attendance. but after that just did a smaller group, doesn’t have to be close friends - but still nice to have a little activity/ celebration in y2 and beyond.

The activities tend to change as they get older so you naturally invite less & you need to help your DC pick fewer next year ( it should be obvious, the ones who they’ve had round for tea or come out of school talking to)

Some reasons they might decline:

1. it’s a whole class party, your DC isn’t particularly friendly with the birthday child so they are not bothered if they go or not & the parent doesn’t have the hassle of getting a present
2. invitation didn’t reach them
3. invitation reached them but they have forgotten about it / have family or work crisis so it’s not on their radar
4. it clashes with another commitment or activity 5) they may also have other DC & do not want to give up all their weekend to carting kids around to parties
5. it’s an activity they don’t like or are afraid of e.g swimming

If you think about it if you invited your work colleagues or friendxx so to a weekend event you’d probably get a fair few who couldn’t make it as life is busy!

Being realistic, weekends get very busy. Lots of kids have one or two weekly activities that take up a chunk of one or both days; there's family to see; shopping to do etc. If your kid comes home with a party invite, and they don't seem very excited/enthusiastic about the child or activity, then you maybe say yes if it's a quiet weekend. If it's not and accepting the invite would take away the small remains of your family/down time, then you don't. I think we did a whole class party in reception, after that chose a small number of kids that he really wanted to invite. His real friends are likely to want to come and therefore their parents' will make the effort if possible, so you might as well chose something smaller, that he and his friends will really enjoy.

In our area generally party invites are well-received at our dcs school (Yr 2) - I couldn't imagine turning one down unless we have concrete plans to be elsewhere. Definitely no sense of being protective of weekends amongst the families we know. We do turn down invites even with plenty of notice, when we've booked a holiday, a booked event like a theatre show, or have an extracurricular commitment we can't skip (eg a performance). But we will skip a weekly extracurricular class as a one-off, because we prioritise social events like parties. DCs have always had fun at the birthday parties they've been to, they wouldn't turn down an invite based on the activity, or whether they were particularly close to the birthday child (because there will still be lots of other friends there from the class).

We've had a few whole class parties in Yr 2, but it's dwindled down since R and Yr 1. We've opted to do a whole class party for Yr2 as my DD prefers bigger, busier parties. We've had about a third confirming attendance so far, and still awaiting rsvps but it's a few weeks away and I think more will confirm. If attendance was low I'd expect it might clash with a specific event or a lot of families were away (we always avoid weekends before/after half term even though that's usually when her birthday is, to ensure a decent turnout).