Four year old coming into our bed every night

[GingersnapBiscuit]

For the past year our four year old wakes every night around 10pm and wants to get into bed with us. Initially when this started it was a month or two before our youngest was born so we allowed it as it was just easier not to have a battle while I was so pregnant and tired, and then after the baby was born my husband would usually go and sleep in our daughter’s bed with her when she woke (she has a double bed) to avoid disturbing the baby.

We really want to break the habit, I’m totally fine with her sometimes coming in with one/both of us but it’s every single night. We also lie with her to fall asleep. If she didn’t wake it would be ok but she seems to be in a rhythm of always waking at that time - often quite upset, though not always.

If you’ve been in a similar situation how have you moved away from it without it being too distressing for them?

If its not out of fear I think you can probably get this solved quite quickly. You should tackle the lying with them to fall asleep first. They are likely coming in because they have 'lost' you. Once they are used to lying on their own and nodding off alone it won't surprise them you aren't there when they stir in the night. We were surprised our 3/4 year old only took 3 days to get the hang of it from being a co sleeper. It was a lot less stressful than we'd imagined. Clear communication about whats happening and keeping it as a positive thing for a big boy- perhaps a coveted treat tomorrow if you can get yourself to sleep all by yourself tonight to motivate them.

Sorry big girl in your case- I was reminiscing about going through the same with my son.

I read a book called It's Never too Late to Sleep Train, got my child sleeping independently at 4 years old after a long and similar sounding situation

Mine came in till around 4, though it was later in the night (3am seemed popular).
He just stopped, I don't know why it just finished. He certainly wasn't doing it when he started school at 5.