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Parenting

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Wanting to move closer to family but husband has niche job

9 replies

Hilda23 · 26/04/2025 18:33

Four years ago, I moved to city with my husband as he was offered a job there which worked for the two of us at the time. The plan was never to stay here long term but to give us a steady income. His job is incredibly niche and mine isn’t so I have unlimited job opportunities. We are still here and have since had a child who is now two. I like the city but
Sadly I’ve had no luck making friends ( neither at work nor through attending groups with my little one) and it’s not through lack of trying. Neither of us have a social network nor family anywhere near. We have both been pretty nomadic individuals before we met and this was never an issue for me prior to starting a family / getting married etc.
I have always said that if I were to move anywhere else in the UK, I’d move back to be close to my family.
Since having our daughter, life has been a real struggle without any support network at all. I took a year of maternity leave and did this alone and now I work part time and look after my daughter the other days. I ahve wanted to move closer to my parents ( 300 miles away) for the last 2 years and husband agreed this would be good for us. The issue is that his job is so niche that finding one even remotely nearby is an issue and the opportunities across the country come up every 2-3 months.
We get by but do not earn a great deal between us. With me having to work part time because of limited childcare for two days a week, nursery fees for three days and a lack of job opportunities for him, we have become stuck in this situation that is not ideal for our family.
We do have significant savings for our future home and I have suggested we move to be closer to my parents without having jobs secured ( at this point in time, I feel this is necessary for my mental wellbeing). We have the opportunity to live in a family property short term rent free but my husband does not want to take the risk of moving without a job in place. The only solution aside from me staying here until he has a job close to my family ( who knows when that might be) is to go down without him.
The whole situation has put a massive strain on our relationship and I feel I have no control over my life all because of his incredibly niche career choice.

Anyone been in a similar situation ? :(

OP posts:
JBrumours · 26/04/2025 18:35

my husband does not want to take the risk of moving without a job in place.

sensible

rubyslippers · 26/04/2025 19:08

I wouldn’t be moving anywhere in this job market without a job (actually jobs for both of you in place)

Deafnotdumb · 26/04/2025 19:11

Can your husband retain his job via remote working? Mine does so and has company f2f meeting once per quarter.

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wishIwasonholiday10 · 26/04/2025 19:14

I agree that you shouldn’t move until he has a job. You are in a difficult situation but unless he wants a career change your options are pretty limited. I work in a field where it’s very difficult to find jobs in a specific area and it puts a lot of strain on relationships and usually requires one partner in a relationship to be very flexible on location.

Whyherewego · 26/04/2025 19:25

Does he have any prospect of finding a job in the location you want to move to? If he doesn't then you are being unreasonable.

If it's a question of time, then why not wait for him to find a job.

Side note- be wary of moving back to be near family. Sometimes that doesn't work out. My mother moved back to UK after many years abroad to be nearer friends and family. Well it didn't work out, friends are happy to see you once a year on a visit but have lives etc that you are not part of. Family members were similar. She ended up moving back abroad !

Ddakji · 26/04/2025 19:27

Will you be able to find full time work where you want to live? Could you live just in your salary for a while if so?

Hilda23 · 26/04/2025 20:26

@Ddakji yes- it’s easy for me to get a job and work very flexibly and yes we could but we’d struggle :)

OP posts:
Superscientist · 26/04/2025 20:32

I work on a niche roll and I don't think I would take the risk personally. I was made redundant in Feb and my role only existed in the company I worked in so I am having to change to a slightly different role and there literally has only been 1 appropriate position in that time. I'm pregnant and facing a career break and it is quite daunting to have that gap and finding a job next year when I will hopefully will be in a position to start looking again. There's also the pressure on my partner being the sole earner and potentially his job insecurity. His position is less niche but still quite specialised.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 26/04/2025 20:41

300 miles is an extremely long distance to live from family in the context of the UK. Is that about 5 hours drive?
I know several families who manage to live about 2 hours drive from the husband’s work - the husbands stay near work a couple of nights a week and work from home the other days. Could that work for you - how flexible is his job?

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