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Parenting

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Does anyone else not remember giving birth ?

20 replies

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 16:52

Not sure where to put this really:

It bothers me more as time goes on DD is 10 months now, I was induced and had a very very quick labour 13/14 hours start to finish and contractions were back to back , I had Pethidine early enough on can’t remember when, and gas and air after that’s it . I’m missing hours and hours of time and I remember the nurse telling me her head was coming then again memory goes and next thing I remember is her being placed on my chest memory dips in and out again but I hate that I don’t actually remember her being born. I’m assuming it was a mixture of Pethidine gas and air and maybe just the absolute agony I was in but I’m missing so much time during labour I don’t even remember them checking to see how dilated I was . I remember my waters breaking but literally anything for hours after that I can’t remember . Is it possible you were in so much pain your mind blocks it out ?

OP posts:
ScrewedByFunding · 24/04/2025 16:54

I wouldn't call 13/14 hours a very very quick labour though so are you sure it was that long if you can't remember hours of it?

BoredZelda · 24/04/2025 16:55

I was fast asleep. I don’t remember a thing.

Toomanydogwalks · 24/04/2025 17:07

I remember very little. I had emergency c section in the middle of the night, think I fell asleep.

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KaToby · 24/04/2025 17:09

I remember all of mine quite clearly. 13/14 hours is long though! My youngest was 3 hours from the first pain to her being on my chest

FloatingSquirrel · 24/04/2025 17:11

You're biologically programmed to not remember it well. It's part of the effect of the rush of hormones. Also its because its hours and hours of the same thing, changing events stick in the memory better, but things that are the same for hours won't have a detailed play by play memory usually.

CrispAppleStrudels · 24/04/2025 17:11

Have you done a birth debrief? They go through things almost minute by minute. I found it helpful as my memories were a bit jumbled (DD1 ended up in NICU and the resulting PND caused me to forget quite a lot of what happened).

It could also be a side effect of the pethidine though? Our NCT course leader really recommended avoiding pethidine and i do remember that when I declined it, one of the night midwife's said "oh you must have done NCT". 🙄

Octavia64 · 24/04/2025 17:12

I don’t remember large bits of it.

I had a bad reaction to some of the meds and lost consciousness.

i remember other bits but not really clearly.

RentalWoesNotFun · 24/04/2025 17:14

My pal told me just after giving birth how awful dreadful horrific it was and she was never ever doing that again.

A year later she was pregnant again and couldn’t remember the entire conversation with me and said “the birth wasn’t that bad”!

She implied I was making this up to scare her. Um no, i recall exactly what you said hours after the birth and on subsequent days after while the stitches were healing (but I just left it as I then didn’t want to upset her as the baby was yet to be born …. )

Gorbie · 24/04/2025 17:14

Certain bits yes but my first is nearly 19 now and his I more vague than the other 2. He was a quick labour, contractions started at 12.30am and he was born just after 3.30am. So I'd class that as quick not 13/14 hrs!

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:15

ScrewedByFunding · 24/04/2025 16:54

I wouldn't call 13/14 hours a very very quick labour though so are you sure it was that long if you can't remember hours of it?

Yes I’m sure of the start and finish times , was my first baby so I’ve nothing to compare it to but assumed it was fast , was fast in the end anyway I remember telling them I needed an epidural and next thing I was pushing with no epidural

OP posts:
BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:16

KaToby · 24/04/2025 17:09

I remember all of mine quite clearly. 13/14 hours is long though! My youngest was 3 hours from the first pain to her being on my chest

i feel better now I thought that was quick but I was in a lot of pain and have nothing to compare it to. I asked for an epidural but wasn’t time she was born about 20 minutes later

OP posts:
BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:18

CrispAppleStrudels · 24/04/2025 17:11

Have you done a birth debrief? They go through things almost minute by minute. I found it helpful as my memories were a bit jumbled (DD1 ended up in NICU and the resulting PND caused me to forget quite a lot of what happened).

It could also be a side effect of the pethidine though? Our NCT course leader really recommended avoiding pethidine and i do remember that when I declined it, one of the night midwife's said "oh you must have done NCT". 🙄

I didn’t know until after about the pethadine if I had I wouldn’t have taken it. I don’t ask for the debrief I should of in hindsight

OP posts:
ScrewedByFunding · 24/04/2025 17:18

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:15

Yes I’m sure of the start and finish times , was my first baby so I’ve nothing to compare it to but assumed it was fast , was fast in the end anyway I remember telling them I needed an epidural and next thing I was pushing with no epidural

Not at all, it's about average for a first birth, and very long for a subsequent one.

My second was 4 hours from waking with contractions to baby born.

SpecduckularlyQuackers · 24/04/2025 17:24

My first was 6 hours from a few irregular contractions to birth, with 90 minutes active labour (i.e. 4 cm onwards). My second was a couple of hours of mildish contractions then less than 20 minutes active labour. So to me, 14 hours sounds ever so long, you poor thing - no wonder you're having trouble distinguishing bits of it, you must have been exhausted ❤️ and induced is supposed to be more painful so very likely your brain has decided not to remember!

EatMoreChocolate44 · 24/04/2025 17:33

Mine is hazy in parts and I do think you are programmed to forget. My labour with my first child was induced, the first stage of induction didn't work so I had to be hooked up to the drip ending in episotomy and forceps. 29 hours! I was already exhausted as I had been in the induction ward for 3 days, I was 2 weeks overdue and I was induced with the drip at midnight so I had already been awake since 6am that morning. I remember the significant parts as my labour took different stages with epidural not working properly, then being readjusted, then falling out, no hours of pain relief as anethisist was in theatre, my daughter going into distress, drip being turned down, her heartbeat stabilised and then the second epidural finally working many hours later. I saw various midwifes & different doctors as they came on and off shift. I was sucking on gas and air like there was no tomorrow 😂. I was definitely traumatised. I had an elective C-section with my second. I remember the full hour of that. 😂

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:36

SpecduckularlyQuackers · 24/04/2025 17:24

My first was 6 hours from a few irregular contractions to birth, with 90 minutes active labour (i.e. 4 cm onwards). My second was a couple of hours of mildish contractions then less than 20 minutes active labour. So to me, 14 hours sounds ever so long, you poor thing - no wonder you're having trouble distinguishing bits of it, you must have been exhausted ❤️ and induced is supposed to be more painful so very likely your brain has decided not to remember!

That’s true actually I had been in hospital for 4/5 days before not sleeping so was completely sleep deprived by the time I gave birth.

OP posts:
CrispAppleStrudels · 24/04/2025 17:46

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:18

I didn’t know until after about the pethadine if I had I wouldn’t have taken it. I don’t ask for the debrief I should of in hindsight

There's no time limit on debriefs! If you think it would be helpful, you can still get in touch with the hospital or PALS to arrange one.

Meadowfinch · 24/04/2025 17:58

I don't.

I went into labour on Saturday afternoon. By the early hour of Monday morning, I was so tired I was basically asleep. I'd had some painkiller but mostly I was just exhausted. I vaguely remember my dp shouting at me, and wondering why he was shouting, but it is a vague memory and I don't remember anything else. Everything was all a bit abstract by then.

He was shouting at me to tell me I was finally OK to push but I passed out. Then they lost DS' heartbeat and intervention was needed to get him out fast but I don't remember that.

The next thing I remember is a doctor asking my permission to stitch me up, and me wondering who she was and what had happened to me. That was at 7.50 on Monday morning. Then I remember waking up at 2.30 on Monday afternoon, to be told I had a healthy 8lb son.

I do feel a bit of a fraud. I have no idea what actually giving birth feels like, and I'm too old now.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 24/04/2025 18:50

BackinBlack24 · 24/04/2025 17:36

That’s true actually I had been in hospital for 4/5 days before not sleeping so was completely sleep deprived by the time I gave birth.

It could be the sleep deprivation. I read somewhere that sleep deprivation can prevent you forming long term memories and I certainly find that’s the case with me (as well as reducing cognitive ability generally). A lot of the newborn period with my DD is quite hazy as a result. Wish I had taken more videos and better photos but I guess I was too sleep deprived to think of that.

Dyra · 24/04/2025 21:55

Does the 13/14 hours include any cervical ripening (e.g. gels, balloon, pessary), or did contractions start after an ARM, or was that just time on the drip?

I remember mere snippets of both my births. Key moments mostly. Both labours (once they got going that is) were about the same length (11.5 hours). I remember a bit more of my second than my first, which I put down to multiple reasons. Those being: Time of Day, Tiredness going into labour, Pain relief, Length of labour, Repetitiveness, Sleep deprivation post partum, and Time itself.

Time of Day: With my first I was sent down to delivery suite at 1 fucking AM. The time suited them, but it did not suit me one jot. ARM at 3am, then drip started at 5am. Yeah... I remember it, but I remember much better going down at a much more reasonable 8am, 10am ARM 11am drip with my second. Much more civilised.

Tiredness going into labour: With my first, the night before the whole cervical ripening malarkey I hadn't slept much. Some of it nerves, some of it 4 hourly obs, some of it was my poor Canadian friend having a chemical pregnancy and forgetting the time difference. Then being sent down at 1 fucking AM the next day meant I was on single digit hours of sleep over 48 hours. With my second the cervical shenanigans had already been over for a few days and had merely been waiting for a bed. I was an old hand at this induction bullshit, so wasn't nervous. Still 4 hourly obs, but what can you do. Either way I went down after a full night's sleep feeling pretty refreshed.

Pain relief: Like you I'd been warned away from the pethidine. Luckily it seems my trust doesn't offer it anyway as it was never offered. However, what was on offer was diamorphine. Holy fuck is that shit good. I was sound asleep between contractions, and is the reason I pretty much have the best part of a 5 hour memory black out while it was in effect. Worth it. Wasn't on offer with my second, but due to various reasons I had an epidural instead.

Length of labour: Now as I mentioned, both labours lasted about the same amount of time. But as their start times were different, their end times were therefore different too. My first came at close to 5pm. My second was lifted out the sunroof a little after 2am. Now, while I remember more of my second's labour, I remember far more of my first's birth. I remember close to nothing of the C-section itself. While I had got a bit of sleep once the epidural was in, 2am is a really bad time to be making memories.

Repetitiveness: Much of labour (for me) was contacting on a bed. I remember points where things changed, I changed position, or I was told new information. But as large portions of it was just contractions and nothing changing, it was broadly forgotten. I know I was labouring for that time, but that's it.

Post partum sleep deprivation: The real memory killer. Forget labour. Forget the birth. Basically the first few months of both baby's lives are gone. I can look at photos/videos and get some memories stirring. I can broadly tell you when certain milestones occurred. But the vast majority is just gone. Even more memories of my first would have been lost to the second (worse) sleep deprivation.

Time itself: My first is 5, and my second 3. Many of the stronger memories have dulled, and I'm sure more will go as I, and they, get older and we make new memories.

And finally, as others have said, hormones. All those hormones rushing around actively prevent memories being formed. Probably an evolutionary trait so we're willing to do it again.

From what you've said about your labour OP, I'm not surprised you can't remember much either. Try not to dwell on it too much. My trust does debriefs up to a year post birth and for any future pregnancies. If you'd like one to work out a time line and see if it triggers any memories go for it.

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