Please help me sort my bedtime routine

[Foodmammahelp]

3 and 6 year old share a bedroom. Lone parent so no-one to help with bedtimes, but need to sort this.

we go upstairs, they brush teeth, get in pjs and have stories.

dd3 will then go to her sister for a hug. Except it’s not just a hug. She climbs into her bed, gets silly, starts playing. Wants to be a cat or a dog or whatever else. I lift her off and take her to her bed. She goes back. Then I put her outside the door and she cries and then comes and tries it again. Or brings toys to her bedroom and starts to play.

dd6 is ready for sleep but her sister disturbs her.

I have tried letting them play before bedtime. They enjoy it but dd3 still wants to keep playing when it’s sleep time.

Can anyone give me a fool proof way of getting her into a better bedtime routine?

What’s your 3y old’s schedule regarding sleep? Is she still taking a nap?

Can you let Dd3 fall asleep in your bed while DD6 falls asleep in her own bed, and then transfer DD3 into their bed once they're asleep?

Does DD3 have a daytime nap? If so can you stop it so she’s more tired for bedtime.

What does DD3 do in the daytime? Your DD6 has obviously been at school all day, is worn out and ready for sleep. My DS went to council nursery at age 3, school hours and he was worn out and asleep by 7.30pm every week night.

I think you need to do things with DD3 in the daytime that wear her out leaving her tired and ready for bed at the same time as her sibling.

Put 3yo to bed half an hour earlier than 6yo b

Second the query on naps. Also what time is bedtime? My 2.5 yr old and 6 yr old share. Both have a bath then youngest has a cup of milk and into bed for 6.45/7.00. By the time elder one is ready for sleep at 7.15/7.30 youngest is asleep so she goes into her bed and straight to sleep. It took a while to get to this though!

What’s the need driving the behaviour? Is she wanting closeness, attention, physical touch? Can you give lots of that to her from you during the day? Preferably one on one, just you and her. Then she won’t look for it so much from the wrong person at night. It’ll take consistency for days to see a change, stick at it.

She doesn’t nap in the day anymore,but will
Sometimes have a nap on the drive home from dd’s club for 20 minutes (a couple of times a week). She’s at nursery 2 full days a week and on the days she’s with me she does swimming, dancing and music classes, so is pretty busy!

put eldest in your bed with a colouring book or tv on if you allow it or leave in bath if safe to do so?! Books with 3 year old then sort 6 year old in your room by the time you’ve done books hopefully youngest asleep

I guess there's no chance of separate rooms?

I'd do as a pp said and put the 3 year old to bed earlier

I feel your pain, that must be so tough

Seriously driving me mad tonight. Neither are asleep, we’ve been up here an hour. I’ve retrieved my 3 year old from 6 year old’s bed over 10 times and put her on the landing as she keeps trying to climbing on her bed and cuddling her/wanting to play a game etc

I don’t know what to do.

Can you stagger bedtimes? My almost 3yo goes to bed at 7 and then my 6yo goes to bed around 8. I find that hour a good chance for 6yo to do some bigger kid stuff with me and DH too without little sister interfering: board games, bead crafts etc.

I don’t have anyone to help and 6yo won’t stay downstairs alone.

Hey I feel your pain, I'm so over bedtime taking all of my evening and energy!

The things that have helped us are giving the older child a special comic book with a little lamp so that they can read to themselves while I purely focus on the baby. I ask the older child to be a bit bossy pretending to be me with the baby and they say "close your eyes", "time to sleep and relax" etc which means they stop acting in cahoots with the baby.
We also project stars on the ceiling and all say goodnight to the stars and planets which seems to switch the babies brain to sleep mode
Keeps a calmer atmosphere. Good luck!

DD3 should be going to bed before DD6

They’re only just asleep now!🤦🏻‍♀️

OP you have been told a few times now that they need to go to bed at different times.

put your 6yo in your room with a book / tv or whatever whilst you put 3yo to bed.

once 3yo is asleep, put 6yo to bed.

use stair gates if need be to keep 3yo in their room and 6yo in your room.

this way you can focus on 3yo getting a good routine in place. Sounds like 6yo isn’t getting much sleep anyway and if it’s that big of a deal, put them to sleep in your bed and move them later on.

I agree putting 6 year old in your room whilst 3 year old goes to bed is probably the best idea. You could also find an audiobook if you don’t want her to have TV and she won’t read. Or maybe CBeebies bedtime stories or similar on the iPlayer app on your phone. They do an hour long wind down video which is really slow moving and calming which my DD loved. I can’t remember its name but should be relatively easy to find.

you could also temporarily move bedtime later whilst your 3yo gets used to the new regime. Warn them both it’s happening with plenty of time.

Is bedtime too early? Do they struggle to get up in the morning? Some kids just need less sleep - my son is like this.

But yes, agree with everyone that they can't go to bed at the same time. Split it up and give them each some 1:1 time at the end of the day. Set your older one up somewhere with an audio book or actual book or 20 minutes of something soothing on telly (octonauts or similar) and get your 3 year old sorted with some 1:1 cuddles. Then swap. I know it sounds like you're dragging it out but it will be better in the long run and they are a decent age range so won't have the same bedtime forever anyway.

I have a husband but he travels a lot so I have done many, many bedtimes on my own with kids of a similar gap and I always split it up otherwise they just wind each other up too much.