The guilt from going from one child to two

[ToadintheHole47]

I have just recently found out I’m pregnant, my child is 11 1/2 months and I’m struggling to feel happiness. I knew I’d always wanted a sibling for my little one but I can’t shake the feeling of guilt that my love and attention will
soon be divided. Should I have given more time to my first, am I going to ruin the dynamic. I feel so conflicted, I want to be happy but I can’t shake this feeling of sadness.

Completely normal! I have recently had my second baby. My first has just turned 3. I felt exactly as you did when I was pregnant and then felt guilty for feeling that way. I had a planned C-section, the night before when I put my eldest to bed I cried my eyes out. Worried I was ruining her life, worried she wouldn’t cope. I couldn’t wait to get home to see her. Anyway.. my heart has just doubled in size. Seeing them together, the bond they have. Best friend for life. Makes it all worth it. Your feelings are valid, but I promise you they will thank you xxx

I had to reply because I have exactly the same age gap you will have with with my first two children (I have three dc now). I also felt very guilty in the run up to having my second and couldn’t imagine how I would love another child in the same way. All I will say, 7 years later, is my elder two are the best of friends (lots of fights too) and yes the baby/toddler years are intense with that age gap but also so lovely as well. The guilt and apprehension is so normal and you’ll realise you can absolutely love another child just as much….congratulations!

oh and lots of benefits to popping them out quickly - I got to the easier ages much more quickly and we were still in the baby stage when dc2 arrived, so no shock of going back to nappies, etc.

It’s normal! But your love will be doubled - not divided. I constantly worried about ruining our dynamic when I was pregnant with DC2. Almost 10 years on and I adore him and love having 2 DC. You’ll be okay ❤️

I have a 2.5 year old and a five month old and I still have feelings of guilt that I can’t always give her the one to one time she had before, but I can almost start to see a little friendship forming that I think will pay off in the long run.

to be honest I think I’d have felt this no matter the age gap.

Cobgratulations. And don't worry - kids have lived with having siblings since time immemorial. Your love isn't pie, there is plenty to go around. Especially as your first is so little, they will barely remember not having a sibling, but even kids who have been 'onlies' for years and years can cope with becoming a big brother or sister.

Thank you so much for your reply and honesty. It is all coming in waves, one minute I’m ok and thinking about them growing up together and how it will be difficult for a while but worth it but then the next minute I’m thinking is it too soon, what if my baby feels like he’s not getting enough from me and as terrible as it sounds, will I resent not being able to give all my love and attention to our first. I just have to trust everything will be ok but hearing your story helps me so much!

That’s it. I wonder if I did leave it a little longer would I feel better but honestly I think I would feel like this no matter the age gap. It’s lovely you’re seeing their relationship grow. Thank you for your reply and honesty x

This is my favourite quote. Need to print it out and plaster it around the house. It’s hard to know how love can grow anymore until it does. Thank you x