Getting it all wrong

[Illprobsregretthis]

I’m at home all day with my 9 month old and 2.5 year old. A few things have happened and I feel like it’s because I’ve been so stupid and careless and distracted. My baby fell out the buggy once because I hadn’t strapped him in properly. He’s now at the stage of trying to crawl and if I leave the room for even a minute the next thing I know he’s on his front and crying, because he’s lunged forward. Then I get so worried about the baby that I’m snappy and distracted with my toddler.

I obsess about it - I’ll convince myself he has a concussion or he’s going to be damaged in some way and it’ll all be my fault, even though he’s clearly absolutely fine.

Anyway, clearly all very rational thoughts from a rational woman. I’ve done all the practical things - never leaving him himself even for 1 min, taking him with me room to room, putting in a baby mat so he’s on a soft surface.

I’m not sure what I’m asking. I guess when he will crawl - because the constant lunging forward is so so stressful for me.

He’s still getting up a few times in the night so I’m really tired most days. But I feel sorry for him that has me as a mum, who’s so clearly shit at it.

Just feel so worn out and like I’m getting it all wrong every day.

Do you ever get a break??

If I were you I'd be out every day, walk/parks. They both need to burn off energy

You’re not getting it wrong! It’s called Parenting.. there isn’t a set of rules! You’re doing an amazing job and you’re being too hard on yourself.

I have 3 DC and I have 1 on the way and if you’re not making stupid mistakes every now & then.. you’re not doing it right!

Best thing I did was get a travel cot to keep babies safe if I was occupied with one of the others. Literally just pop them in there with a bunch of toys etc and even if they cry.. you know they’re safe.

please please please don’t feel like you’re doing it all wrong! Your babies are happy, healthy and alive. If you overthink everything then you’ll turn your rational thoughts into irrational ones. Just say.. whoops 😬 and move on.

never leaving your 9 month old for 1 minute will make for a very miserable toddler and mother 😘

This post nails it.

I have 3, youngest is 6 months but very mobile via rolling. My other two didn't hardly move til they were almost 1 so I could just pop them down on the rug fine and leave them, so this has been a very different experience! My eldest also could be trusted around the middle one as a baby but the middle one is a lot more boisterous and also a lot clumsier, so can't be left with the baby. So I definitely feel your challenge on that score - I do carry the baby about me with a lot, but as per PP I also have a travel cot up in the living room and he gets popped in there a lot too for little periods of time. No idea when your baby will crawl as DC1 was a bum shuffler but not until 11 months and DC2 crawled at 12 months. I'm expecting this baby to crawl a lot earlier though given how much more mobile he is already.

Thank you, this is kind. Reading it back and realising I’m being quite hard on myself.

Thank you so much, The travel cot hack is genius - can’t believe I didn’t think of it before!

Everything @flutterbye99 said !!!

Don’t be so hard on yourself - every baby is different and a toddler and a 9 month old is just such hard work - they both need you in different ways.

agree that it’s not easy or even really feasible to keep your eye on anyone 100% of the time so let go of that unrealistic expectation. Travelcot / play pen / bouncer is a good idea to keep them safe and occupied whilst you do a few things.

Poor sleep makes everything worse! No wonder you’re feeling low/ burnt out. Not for everyone but we found sleep training (Ferber) a godsend - just means you can reliably get a good nights sleep and feel refreshed and able to cope with the day - and have a higher threshold when things not going to plan. You have to be ok with a little bit of crying though - not sure how practical that is with a toddler trying to sleep too but it’s an option. There are some no crying sleep training methods too.

Your little ones are so so lucky to have you as their mum! You love and care for them and only want the best for them. Some people genuinely aren’t that lucky. Be kind to yourself OP. If you have a partner / friends/ family you can speak to about this in IRL please do. There could also be an element of PND so if this feeing of anxiety / not being good enough / exhaustion is persisting please see HV / GP - there’s really good help available.

sending hugs