Night shifts with newborn and toddler, what do/did you do?

[Keepingbusyeating]

DC2 expected November and the only thing I am really anxious about is the nights. I am someone who needs lots of sleep, DH will take 4 weeks paternity leave but I’m wondering how to split the nights?

Assuming baby is bottle fed for various reasons.

Last time I did the week nights and DH did weekend nights but reflecting back and that’s probably why I found it so difficult 😂

Is it best to do shifts so DH does 10pm - 2am and I do 2am - 6am (wake up time for me)? Or every other night shifts?

We did split nights like that. DH would go to bed as soon as elder DD was asleep, usually about 7.30 and I would take shift 1 7.30 - 1, then DH would take over 1-7.30. It was the best way to maximize sleep!

I did the baby (breastfeeding) and DH took care of the toddler. Just that. We both had broken sleep for some time. DH spent a lot of night getting up around 2 when toddler woke up, getting him out of his cot and cuddling him back to sleep in the spare bed.

I don’t think you can really create this rigid timing structure before the baby is even born. Will the baby be bottle fed or breast fed?
Your DH staying up until 2 am then getting 4 hours doesn’t seem great for a day at work.

We generally did someone like I went to bed early, DH stayed up with the baby, had baby nap in the living room then fed him, changed him and brought him to bed about 11. Then I did night wakes and DH got up with the toddler, got breakfast ready and got toddler ready while I had another hour or two.

My husband would do both from after bedtime with the toddler till midnight, so 7-12 I would sleep. That’s a good 5 hours. I think it’s harsh to make him cover till 2am when he’s working the next day. Will your toddler still go to nursery?

We did this too. If 3yo woke in the night, DH dealt with her, and he took both in the morning before work while I got some more sleep and during the day during paternity leave whenever I wanted a nap.

it worked well for us as it played to our strengths. He needs less sleep than me overall but functions much better with it in one block. I need more sleep overall but manage fine with it broken into chunks. This way we both felt generally okay, even though DD2 was a demon sleeper for first 6 months.

I think it’s the kind of thing you just have to adapt when baby is here. I’m not sure we ever had a discussion about it, it just organically happened because it was common sense for our setup.

Everyone will get less sleep for a bit but it’s impossible otherwise with a newborn really.

Depends on work. I didn’t expect my OH to do any because he had to go to work the next day.

Those saying about husbands working the next day, maybe my thinking is wrong but I think being on maternity leave is as hard as going to work so it should be split evenly? I don’t think I took 1 nap when DC1 was a newborn!

DC1 will be at nursery 3 days a week.

Open to hear opinions, I could be being unfair!

(I didn’t mean my husband stay awake til 2am, just be ‘on shift’ until then)

Dh works up heights so has to be fully awake and aware at work however he is a bit of a night owl.

for the first few weeks I went to bed at 9pm, dh did the midnight feed and put baby to bed after that , then I did the 4am feed, dh was up and out the door for 7.30am. So it meant that I had a good 6hrs sleep as did he.

worked well for us.

at the weekend we each had a long lie on one of the days.

we managed to have baby feeding at 8pm, midnight, 4am, 8am, noon, 4pm give or take 30Mins. Both ours sleep really well which did help.

I just coslept and breastfed my 2, you adjust quickly

I covered baby waking and he covered toddler

No I don’t think being tired at home with a baby for 3 days is quite the same as getting out to work first thing in the morning and being “on” all day succeeding at a job. I don’t think the person at home should get no sleep but I don’t think it’s quite the same. The person at home can sit on the sofa with a coffee and cuddle the baby when they’re tired, or go on a sunny walk to wake themselves up.
You have 3 days to lie in with the baby in the early weeks or have a nap. Just because you didn’t do it doesn’t take away from the fact that you have the option and the working parent doesn’t.

My husband does a fair bit of driving so 4 hours sleep wouldn’t be enough for him (and those around him!) to be safe. Also, his employer wouldn’t be happy with him doing a half arsed job because he’s tired.
Why didn’t you manage to nap with your first child? I used to try and get at least one nap with them. My husband helped with laundry and cooked in the evening. He’d leave him a packed lunch/salad etc for the next day. We had a cleaner.

Totally agree with this. It’s never easy being tired but it’s far easier to cope with tiredness when you’re spending your day in the house, sat on the sofa, watching TV or scrolling your phone than it is to manage having to be on, 100% performing at full standard at work for 8 hours a day- especially when your partner is on maternity and you’re potentially solely financially responsible for the household.

You have the chances to nap/rest through the day (especially in newborn days when they are only really awake for 45 mins at a time and don’t do much).

I became a loan parent to 2 under 2 years. Bought a super king size bed, and co-slept with both of them (and the dog!). Went to bed early every night as knew I’d be disturbed, but it actually wasn’t so bad. I miss those days.

I bottle fed one of my DC and I did all the night waking for the first three weeks and then my DH did every three nights for about three weeks which was amazing as I’d conk out for about 7 hours and not move. Then around 7 weeks I got a plan/routine going which I did for my other 2 DC and they started sleeping a short night at 8 weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks.

Ok taking this on board! I think last time I was so desperate for sleep because I did 5 full nights in a row and had a baby who woke up lots and didn’t go back to sleep easily so I wondered if that was “fair”. I can’t really cuddle a newborn on the days I have a (very energetic) toddler running around too but I see your point. I’m only 12 weeks so it’s just my initial thoughts about a plan I suppose

You could certainly implement your plan on the weekends.

Keep in mind I’m not at all saying your sleep isn’t important, I just don’t think being at home vs being at work while absolutely exhausted is quite on par and I say that as someone who has worked full time out of the house with young babies and had 2 mat leaves recently.
You will need to figure out what works between you both and who functions best on what sleep, and then see how the 4 weeks paternity at home go and get a plan towards the tail end of that leave.
It all depends on how the baby sleeps too.

12 hours at 12 weeks! What is the secret? My DC slept 10 hours by 5 months which was amazing. I’ll never forget the first nights full sleep 😂

DD1 would only sleep attached to me so DH couldn't help - it pushed me to the edge of sanity.

DD2 was a great sleeper. I'd put her in the moses basket in the lounge with DH early evening then go straight to bed. DH would moved her to the crib in our room around 11pm and she'd usually stay asleep. I would handle wake-ups from there (usually only one) after having had at least 4 hours of sleep.

Glad your 2nd was a better sleeper! Maybe this is a better way of doing it… DH doing until he goes to sleep 10-11 and then I take it from there.

I left work at that point.

I managed night shifts with one child and the money was good but two was not going to work for us, especially as the 2nd was a truly terrible sleeper for quite a while.

So we got rid of a car, got rid of holidays, got rid of anything but basics and managed.

You lost me when you referred to caring for your planned (presumably?) and loved (presumably?) children as ‘shifts’.

Wow.

When DCs were small, DP went to bed about 8ish - once we'd put DC1 to bed & we'd had dinner etc, slept alone until DC2 woke at around 12am - 2am, I used this time in the evening to sit downstairs with DC2 in a crib in the same room as me & read, browse the net, stuff that I usually didn't get to do during the day with 2 under 2.5 (sometimes I'd sleep on the sofa beside DC2 in the crib). Then we'd all sleep after that early hours bottle until DP got up at 5am to go to work. So DP was at least, mostly, getting a good chunk of sleep. He'd bring a bottle up for DC2 before he left for work & I'd doze until DC1 woke at 6.30-7ish. DC1 then didn't nap during the day, but would happily watch a couple of episodes of something on CBeebies in bed with me after lunch, DC1 in their cot for a nap & I'd often grab 20minutes sleep. It wasn't great, but once DC2 started sleeping more reliably (I mean only waking once or twice over the whole night) DP & I moved to a more regular sleeping pattern.

I'm about to go into this situation as expecting DD2 in May, and DD1 has just turned 2. I'll hopefully be breastfeeding but my expectation is that I'll do all the nights for DD2, and then DH would deal with DD1 on the occasional nights she wakes up. I did all the night wakes for DD1 and found it okay, I got lie ins on weekends if I wanted. DH would do more if asked, but I agree with others that being tired and having to face a full day of work and being switched on and productive is chalk and cheese with being at home with a baby. I also would struggle to sleep once baby was awake anyway, but that's a me problem!