Baby cries and I cry

[FumbleBumbleBee]

I want to start by saying I absolutely adore my newborn baby. But when he cries I struggle so much. He always wants to sleep on me and as soon as I put him down, he wakes up and cries. He'd sleep on me all day if he could. I'm finding it hard to take time just to go to the toilet or make myself a drink or sandwich without him getting upset. It's getting on top of me a bit, to say the least. I'm sat here nursing him at the moment and I'm in tears because I feel trapped, and that's making me feel guilty. I had the baby blues but got over them after a few days, and overall feel okay in myself now. But the sleep deprivation is making me feel sad so easily. My husband is very supportive and does what he can when he's not at work. My mum has offered to help, but her idea of helping is holding the baby for ages while she suggests I get things done around the house. She's not someone I see as part of my support system for various reasons. I have wonderful friends who I can open up to. But when I'm on my own and he's crying, I find it hard not to get upset, and feel very alone. How did you cope if you felt this way?
Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post.

Aww, currently sitting here reading this with a 10 week old on me, a 5 year old watching TV and a car wreck of a house!
So I feel your pain, the frustration of putting a sleeping baby down just for their little eyes to pop open is the kind of frustration I wouldn't wish on anybody which is why second time round I'm not really bothering! I'm just baby wearing most of the time and try one nap to get her down. I find the first nap of the day easiest to get down for at least 30 mins swaddled in a baby nest with white noise. I time it for about 1 hour after she's woken, feed rock and put down- the only time it works. The rest of the time pop her in the sling and away I go.
Honestly this frustrating time will pass and eventually they will either nap on their own or have much longer wake windows for you to get stuff done.
It's really hard though.
Do you have someone who can get you easy to hand meals and drinks ready at the beginning of the day?

Sorry forgot to say the way I coped is the experience of knowing it will pass and getting out for a walk each day (will yours sleep in the pram?)
Also I let myself go to the loo even if they are crying whilst talking to them all the time. When they cry they are communicating a need, you are also a human being with the need to go to the toilet, talk to them about your need while you go and then pick them up as soon as you can- but you do have to go to the loo and they won't remember 3 minutes of crying as someone speaks to them soothingly. Its bloomin hard though!
I'm sorry your mum isnt more supportive, I had no support last time but this time my sister came over and did all the housework for a week while I rested, is there anyone who would do that for you?

It is hard when baby is crying and you can't have a minute. I've no idea if this is PPD to be honest, but I did feel the same. It does get easier, and I know everyone says this but it really does and that's the main thing that's going to make you feel better. Baby will go down to sleep and you'll have time for yourself. Have you tried a carrier/wrap? What's baby like when he's awake, are you able to get things done? In the end I stopped trying to put so much pressure on myself with housework etc. I did, and still do (he's 8 months now), do housework, , eat, showers etc with him while he was awake. Just put him in the same room as you, chat to him he'll be fine. That meant when he was asleep If we did need to contact nap I could just relax or even have a sleep with him. I know you said mum isn't much help but could you get some sleep when she's around? Even for an hour. Sleep deprivation is real and with a bit of sleep you may feel a bit better. Or I know it's cliche but try to get some sleep with baby. It will get better for you OP, these weeks seem to last forever but you will get through it

When your mum offers to help, ask her to take your baby out in its pram for a walk and go to bed yourself and get some sleep. Or if that doesn’t suit her and she insists on holding him for ages, fine, but don’t use that time to get things done. Use it to go to bed and sleep. You need sleep right now, as you’re sleep deprived, and everything is worse when you’re sleep deprived. Don’t worry about getting things done around the house.

Sleep is the most important thing for you right now. When my now 34yr old son was a month old, he spent 5 days in hospital as they wanted to investigate his feeding (turned out he needed soya milk). In those days, parents didn’t stay in the hospital with babies, so I had 5 nights of unbroken sleep. It was the turning point for me. What had been unmanageable before ( I can identify with wanting to cry/crying when he cries!) was no longer so, and I finally was able to start enjoying interacting with my baby. Sleep is SO necessary, and becoming a mother is such a huge change, nothing can prepare you for how tired you can become, and how even an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep can help “re-calibrate” things.

Ahhh I'm sorry you going though this and so many emotions. It's so difficult it really is, it's so much we go though that it can feel like you have changed ten times a day. For what it's worth it gets better, because they do eventually sleep longer. I remember that newborn sleep depravation, I was getting 2-3 hours a day and felt like I was fighting to be awake.
My boy eventually went done for one slept in the night, and it's heaven to get a little sleep.

Im sitting here with a 16 week old who I just got into a nap. It's very normal, some newborns don't want to be put down, mine is 16 weeks now and I still can't put him down during the day. My heart breaks too much to hear him cry as well.

Might not be useful, but I coped by using slings, I also have an ergo baby carrier. As a newborn I could swaddle him and put him in the pram that stayed with me, but it was very short time Maybe gave me ten min, five at times.

My house work hardly ever gets done still, I just prioritise the musts first. I'm so OCD and I've had to just let it go. I don't pee alone, I don't put on makeup daily on the odd day fine. I am getting a gym workout from holding him, walking around swaying him.

The emotions in the first month balanced, and I love it. I love every single moment, once I realised he wasn't a newborn anymore, it hit so hard how short time is. It's for just a moment, and this is that moments of a lifetime. I embraced and love it, doesn't mean it's not hard. I'm sitting in a dim room, listening to white noise as I have a very sentivie baby.

I also didn't have support, family friends too far. We can't afford help. My partner helps, but as well he got to work, and had to work during his paternity leave too. I was doing the laundry four days after having mg baby.

Try embracing carrying them, and read a book. Find a series use headphone, try music. Ask your DH when he is arojnd if you need extra time and support.

And take photos, capture th moments, weather you look dressed up or not. Just enjoy the moments it goes so fast. I'm sorry if that's not useful, but u hope you find a way to cope for yourself.

I got some ear defenders. Once you know the baby is crying and you are meeting whatever their need is, you don't have to listen to it at full volume, it is like a knife to the heart. A few minutes safe (crying) in their pram or moses basket won't harm then.

I would put my baby in the pram basket on the floor while I went to the toilet. Baby would cry. I would say reassuring things. I would take the baby for multiple long walks every day so they would sleep - when the weather is better, you can put them out in the pram in a shady spot while you have a cup of tea.

It WILL get better. Gradually they will let you put them down in their basket or on a blanket/play mat while you do things next to them (eat lunch, read a book...). Big hugs.

Holding the baby for ages is something I found genuinely helpful. Means you can have a shower and ideally a nap without thinking about the baby, and otherwise moving around a bit will make you feel better.

Thank you everyone. Just having a bit of solidarity is helpful. 💜
I absolutely love holding my baby, despite how it might sound, and I remind myself several times a day to take it all in and enjoy the gorgeous cuddles. I honestly wouldn't be without him. I love him so, so much it hurts.
I appreciate the suggestions. I've tried a sling, but he doesn't like the one I have. If anyone can recommend one, that would be great. We take him out for walks every day in the pram, which helps. Im still recovering from the birth, so I haven't got the confidence to go on my own yet, but I will try soon.
To the ones saying I should accept my mum's help, I've decided I won't be doing that. She's quite a toxic person and makes me feel even worse.
I think as a few of you have said, I need to just get on with doing these simple things for myself and maybe just talk to him while I do if I can bring him with me.
Thanks again, I felt so guilty writing down how this was making me feel. 💜

OP mine are grown up now and I survived by putting them in the cot and closing the door and having a shower and doing some jobs. Within a day or two they were fast asleep within about 10 minutes and then it was pretty instant. I know times have changed but you have to let them learn to self settle.

I also used to nap in the feeding chair with the baby in my arms, and at night. I know that's a no no now due to research and the lullabye campaign but I don't know how I'd have coped otherwise.