Toddler Tantrums

[Megamom99]

Fellow moms/dads how do you deal with toddler Tantrums? Mine is 20 months old and is having mega tantrums/meltdowns to a point where he is inconsolable, screaming, head banging, arching back for like 30 minutes at a time? He will have probably one tantrum per hour sometimes 2 it's becoming unbearable and I'm going to have a mental breakdown soon if this continues or I completely give in and give him 24 hours screen time and unlimited snacks.

Oh OP. Welcome to terrible twos, sit down and have a cup of tea with us.

Yep, went through this badly with my first and then even worse with my second. It also didn’t help that my mum and my sister offered their support by telling me that none of their kids ever tantrumed like that so making me feel like the worst parent. So I am here to say it’s very normal, there isn’t much you can do, getting angry/frustrated won’t help, just wait it out - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

solidarity. My best approach I think is pick my battles, but when it’s important, I don’t give in. I’ve found when I don’t give in, the phase of refusal passes quickly. Eg refusing car seat- I force her, same with pram. Teeth, non negotiable, im brushing them tantrum or not. But if it’s something else, doesn’t want her fruit or wants something, I am pretty easy going to avoid the tantrum.

@blippitybloppitybloo Oh yes, the “my child never cried when she was this age, it’s a generational thing”.. ok Janet thanks

My daughter was 2 in February. She’s being an absolute horror. She is lovely when things are fun but if something doesn’t go her way she huffs, puffs, screams and sulks. To put it in context she is my fourth child and I am completely at a loss. The others had some tantrums but nothing on the scale of this so would love to get some advice. I’m hoping it’s a phase and just sitting on the sidelines letting her get it out.

Would love to hear from someone whose toddler had epic tantrums whether they chilled out when older or were always a bit fiery

Communication is the best solution I found. When my DC went through this stage any tantrums were normally because they were trying to communicate something and thought I didn't understand because I was just saying no.

Say the DC are screaming because they want to eat a whole easter egg, I just say "no you can't" tantrum ensues.

If I said "you want to eat the whole egg?" They nod... I reply "we can't eat a whole egg because blah blah blah" and generally this method helped.

Also, offering a big cuddle during a tantrum rather than just telling them off.

Also, lots of tedious negotiation 🤣

I'm going through this with my 22 month old and it's really rough going.

I recently had a woman come up to me when I was out with her and she was having an epic tantrum that had me on the verge of tears. The woman told me that her 28 year old daughter used to have tantrums like that, that they were absolutely wild but she grew up to be the calmest and most chilled out of all her children. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed for that.

I don't have any advice except I just constantly remind myself that it's a phase and that if I can get this stage right and not give into the tantrums for an easy life, then the years after this will be so much easier. I read that somewhere and I really hope it's true.

Mine is 33 months now, and had the worst of her tantrums between around september- december last year. Bad ones - she’d make herself throw up, scream like a banshee, and kick and thrash if she didn’t get something. The thing she usually wanted was me and my undivided attention (her baby brother had just come along). I gave her more attention, I babied her and even fed her with a bottle. She’d regressed because of the baby and wanted me to do with her everything she was seeing me do with the baby.

She now has fewer tantrums, like maybe two a day rather than one every hour. Today I could see one brewing as she was becoming more and more hyper, screaming in excitement, whining etc. So I gave her two minutes on the timeout chair, which calmed her down. Other times when I see it brewing I will stop and cuddle/ rock her or something like this.

Other times I let her cry it out because I’m exhausted and just at the end of my tether - but that’s also inconsistent which isn’t great. So just muddling through really.

We used to ignore DD when she had a tantrum. If she was too noisy DH would pick her up and take her out into the hall.

Setting boundaries is hard but you have to persist otherwise it will get worse.
I was cery firm with boundaries as soon as DS1 was able to understand basic things around 8 / 9 months we started. Consistent and set things uo so he started to understand he can't have everything he wants.
We skipped the terrible 2s but we got the threenanger stage which was a shock. Again he was trying to push boundaries and as he was able to understand more and communicate better we started with recogniaing his feelings, then reaffirmed the rules and boundaries and let him use his words. We say to use his words. We also taught him how to take deep breaths and lay down. When things are not working we do offer a quiet area. Usually the hall way and we s at to him to come back once he has calmed down. That always works.

So I would say to get to his level say you understand in basic terms he wants x,y & z. But explain in few words why he can't. Then offer him something else another activity. Colouring, toy. Usually 2 options.
He may need cuddles / being held or some hate to be touched during a tantrum.
At this age Inwoulsnt iffer time alone. But you could sit close by and let him know youa re there if he needs you but then ignore the behaviour. They to distract yourself but be available to he there when he calms down or needs you. May take a while and be hard at first but it will eventually work. Not foop proof they will have bad days.

There are days like this. Victory's and failures ut is super normal and tey to focus on the good outcomes and days. Give yourself some grace.

The book ‘how to talk so little kids will listen’ may help you. I’m not sure what age it’s for but I’m sure you can apply some of it now.

No screen time at all at this age. It does their dopamine system so much harm. Seriously just cut it out cold turkey and your child will become so much happier.

Solidarity. Wait for the 3 nager ones. They are also super fun.

ways I ‘dealt with it’ decided which hills I was prepared to die on or not. If I said no to whatever stuck to it. Held space. ‘Oh dear’ and then ignored it. Mine would go into orbit if you tried to ‘securely safely hug’ or whatever. So literally held space. Let the crack on with it. Once they calmed down enough to let me near them have a hug and a kiss and move on. It’s fucking relentless and exhausting but I’m not sure what else.

if it’s a safety thing eg car seat I force them in. Are you even a parent if you haven’t had to fold your surfboard like kid into a car??

teeth would pin down and do. Same with washing hair.

other stuff I let them crack on and ignore it.

Hi OP. How are things now? Going through the same!