Can I be a good mum while working full time?

[Freddo993]

I am currently on maternity leave with my 2nd child (6 months' oldest is 2) and I'm going to have to go back to work full time this summer. I really wanted to avoid this but there are so few part time jobs where I live that pay above minimum wage that I have to go back to my old job for now (part time isn't an option there). I'm really struggling keeping on top of housework/cooking/life admin as well as being mum to two at the moment and I don't know how my job will fit in. I am married but DH's job is very full time and he is if the opinion that this is my problem not his because we need his wage to pay bills (he is a significantly higher earner than me).
How can I prepare for how awful things will be? I can't afford a cleaner on top of nursery fees and will likely be working 8.30-4.30/5 5 days a week so very little free time. Am I just doomed or will things work out?

I would add, I always worked full time. My dd is an adult now, and I think there are only two measures that actually count in terms of assessing the extent to which I was a good mum.

The first is the extent to which I feel happy with the young adult that she has become. And tbh, on this one, I am absolutely ecstatic with how she has turned out. I couldn't be any more proud of the fantastic person that she is, of what she has achieved, of the values that she holds or of the way that she interacts with other people. I literally wouldn't change a thing.

The second is the extent to which she feels happy with how things were in her childhood and her own assessment of whether or not I was a good mum. And thankfully, she does seem to think that I did a good job - if anything, her assessment is much more generous than my own, she is proud of what I have achieved in my career while being a very present and hands-on parent, and she feels that I have given her a great model for balancing different aspects of her own life in the future. We are fantastically close, and always have been.

So yeah, on balance, think I was a good mum despite always working full time and frequently getting things wrong from time to time, as we all do. I have no regrets at all.

Ooof so husband won’t do housework or childcare or pay for nursery because he has ‘the big job’ - he needs to be sharing his income properly.

The problem your DH, not working full time. The DC are equally your responsibility.

OP this isn't the first time you've posted a thread where your husband comes across as a massive arsehole. I think a lot of your problems would be solved by leaving him to be quite honest.

Just to try and give a bit of hope here. A 1 year old is easier than a 6 month old. A 3 year old is easier than a 2 year old. Getting them to nursery, doing a job that you actually get to focus on without distraction then doing dinner/bedtime/cleanup I found much more relaxing than being home with one that constantly needed feeding/entertaining/cleaning up after. So you may be at the hardest point right now and maybe it’s only going to get easier from here.

There are some jobs that just are long hours. If your husband has one of these and you both want him to keep it then the puzzles to sit down and solve together are how can you both get enough (and the same amount as each other) sleep, exercise, quality time with kids and quality free time, and try to also even up the hours you both spend doing things you enjoy and things you hate.
Save ten minutes wherever you can- get a dishwasher, tumble dryer, air fryer, meal plan, batch cook or do quick simple meals and shop weekly or get a delivery/click and collect. Sack off ironing, dusting, have boxes with lids or in cupboards you can hurl all toys into in 5 minutes, so on so on. Every few weeks/months invite guests so you do a proper clean and see human beings, in between just survive and think how much you’ll miss the chaos once they grow up.
This is normal, most families need two salaries, it’s hard work but you know you’re doing it for the most important people in your world and as long as husband is willing to approach it as a team you’ll make it and things will get easier as the years go on. Good luck!