Found out I’m pregnant - reassurance needed

[Saltvinegar]

Just found out I’m pregnant, which is a total surprise, and I don’t know what to feel. DH and I have a DS who is 13 months, and it took over a year to conceive him so I’m completely shocked. We’ve been dtd with condoms but must have had a mishap.

Im feeling so confused about the news. I feel like I’ve just been getting my life back together postpartum; since being at work/DS in nursery I’ve had more time to exercise, more money to spend a bit on myself, finally getting some sleep etc. I’ve had a promotion at work and was looking forward to getting stuck in. We’ve got a few holidays booked this year.

However, DH and I always said we want a sibling for DS, I’m 36 and DH is 40 so realistically time isn’t on our side. Practically, my MIL does 2 days of childcare and she isn’t getting younger either - if we waited a long time we probably wouldn’t get this help. And of course it took a long time to conceive DS, I was kind of expecting that to happen again.

Does anyone have experiences of this small-ish age gap? Has it worked out ok with work etc? I want to be happy and I am, but I’m a bit terrified as well!!

I've got exactly a two year age gap between mine. We figured we were tired anyway so might as well keep going. The first six months were fine - I did all my toddler's usual activities with baby in the sling. The only one I couldn't do was swimming. It got very hard when baby started rolling and moving and grabbing the toddler's toys. We had about a year of the toddler trying to clobber the baby whenever he felt the baby was close to a toy (or was tired, or overwhelmed, or hungry...any time basically). But now they play beautifully together (4 and 2) and are (mostly) super cute.

Thanks @Springadorable how did you manage the feeling that you had just got your life back together then it was off again? Or did you not feel like that?

Well my first was a terrible sleeper so I never reached that stage until I was about to start my third trimester...by which point being fat and uncomfortable kept me awake 🤦 for everything else I had already decided to temporarily park my career as for me (I'm self employed) it was less damaging to take a few years out that to ramp up my business and then let clients down with a second pregnancy. This was another reason I wanted mine close together. But I also didn't want to be in young child limbo indefinitely - I wanted to get it all done in a few years and then have two kids I could take on exciting holidays, rather than say a four year old and a new born and not be able to play properly with my older child and have to go back to the start with the newborn.

@Saltvinegar this is how I felt too, that I would rather get the baby stage done. It feels like the further away we get from sleepless nights the less likely we are to have another baby!

I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old, so the age difference is a bit more, but I also felt like I was just getting my life back to dive all in again. Somehow it works though, they play together very nicely already, and actually, I think a smaller age gap may have been preferable as it would have been over much sooner 😂

Congratulations! You'll be fine.

I have a 21 month age gap between my kids. It’s fine. At 36, I would just go with it. I was 35 & 36 when I had my kids. With the first it took 4 months to conceive so I was expecting the same second time around, but it happened as soon as I stopped the mini pill.

You and your DH will manage, the kids will be fine.

I had a shock pregnancy too, 15 months between them and it worked out really well . They went to nursery together, were great company for each other and now they are teenagers it's lovely fun in the house with them .

Yes very similar I accidentally got pregnant just after ds1’s first birthday

it had taken years conceive him!

the first couple of years of two were tough, I don’t really remember them tbh

but now they are nearly 10 and 11 and I wouldn’t change anything for the world

congratulations! You’ll be fine

I have a 15 month old and we’re just about to start ttc again. So a slightly larger gap but on purpose!

im a bit terrified and similarly feel like i only just feel like ‘myself’ again, but pregnancy is 9 months so its ages until you actually get the baby, and i dont really like the idea of dragging out the baby years.

Similarly work wise its probably better to get mat leaves done and dusted

I have a 16 month age gap between my two (also a surprise!) and I absolutely love it! As soon as DC2 could sit up they would play together, they love each other so much. I'm glad I hadn't come out of the baby stage as it wasn't jarring at all.

I found that with two kids there was no 'getting back to my old self' - I am a totally new self now and it's liberating. It's like old and new have integrated.

I didn't go back to work though and I don't intend to until they are at school - going for number 3 now anyway!

I have a 15 month gap between, one round of IVF and got my DS from that and then my DD from a frozen cycle when I was nearly 41.
The first year was tough but after that it was fabulous, they were big buddies and were happy to do everything together. At 28 and 29 now DD is staying with DS in his new flat.