Teaching white kids about the N word for the first time

[PuzzleFrog]

My 10 year old has been getting into his own music. He's built up some Spotify playlists and often plays them in the kitchen and car.
He knows all the swear words so I'm not too bothered about him hearing them in songs, we've had constructive conversations about swearing in modern culture many times - and what is and isn't appropriate. But I suddenly noticed he was listening to a song by the Weeknd which featured the N word, and realised he probably had no idea what it meant.

I wanted to have a conversation with him about it. We are a typical white middle class family in a predominantly white middle class town for context. I realised I needed him to actually hear the word in order to know what I was talking about, but I can't bring myself to actually say it, even within the confines of a private family conversation about racism. And I explained this to him to illustrate the power this word has.

What I ended up doing was finding a YouTube video featuring a group of black men and women, talking about the first time they had been called the N word. They described exactly what was said including the N word itself, and then went on to say how it made them feel.

Then I found a couple of other more general explainer videos talking about the history of the N word and its close links with slavery. And I followed up with how some in black culture use the word to try and remove it's power, but that non black people cannot ever say it, ever.

Then I let him ask questions and we had a bit of a conversation. He said he'd had lessons in school about racism, but had never heard the N word before.

Did I approach this the right way do you think? What have other white parents done? Is there anything more I should say at this age?

If anyone is interested in the video I used featuring the N word, it's called "What The N-Word Feels Like" on YouTube.

You brought up sexual abuse not me.

No, I brought up the racism perpetrated by Pakistani men against white girls. I don't know why you can't accept that lots of distinct ethnic and racial groups are racist towards other ethnic and racial groups.

Can't bring yourself to say it is a bit stupid. Refusal to say a word just gives it more power when it is said.

I just told them what it is, what it means, where it originated and how it became an offensive slur, and that we don't ever use it because of its history in racism and oppression.

I explained that they will come across it in music, books, etc as well as variations of it that are still in use, such as negro on a pack of pens, as negro is Spanish for Black. That these books/films/songs are a product of their time and should be treated as such, it's not acceptable to repeat it.

I likened it to the word retard. Still in use in its original form, which was primarily watch/clockmakers but should never be used to refer to a person.

Because you are derailing the thread about the N word, its impact on black people, and what can be done to educate children. You decided to make it about people of Pakistani heritage and sexual assault, you want to spread your hate then do it elsewhere

You think it's hateful to point out racism? Wow, that's really some take.

When did I say I didn't accept anything? I know that lots and lots of people (even some people who post on here) are VERY racist.
You seem to be very very determined to turn this thread into something that it isn't, almost like you have an agenda
This thread is about a specific word and its use by white people

Perhaps you could start a thread on the subject of men grooming young girls.
I am sure it will attract the kind of people you are looking for

It's not racist when a minority dislikes white people.

But it tends to be racists who say that it is.

Hope this helps.

No help whatsoever as all hatred of a group because of skin colour or ethnicity is racism.

It’s worth pointing out that as a white middle class male, what a privileged position he has in society. I don’t think it does any harm to make our kids aware of privilege. It’s also worth having a chat about systemic and institutional racism and sexism when he’s old enough, rather than simply racism on an individual level/offensive terms.

@Kardamyli2Racism is more complex and historic- it involves oppression and institutional and systemic racism. It extends to white Western power- across Europe, in America and the parts of the world that we colonised/claimed as our own.

I think it’s great you had this conversation. I think you should say the word out loud though because it takes the power out of it. It’s really important to teach kids (especially white kids) about racism. If they grow up in a predominantly white area it’s even more important.

The ones that are reported …