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Toddler crying when doing poo on potty. What do I do?

5 replies

MeePa · 18/04/2025 16:08

Just started potting training my nearly 3 year old. Currently on Day 3. By the end of day 2, he was telling me when he needed a wee and successfully doing a wee on the potty without an accident (9 times out of 10). However he’s terrified of doing a poo.

He’s had multiple poos on the potty. The first one he did on the potty but I think mainly coincidence, the next was on the floor which he found really distressing, the next was successfully on the potty but it took about 30-45 mins and he was really panicked and upset about it (but really happy with himself after), next was in his trousers after obviously holding it for a while and then last one was successfully on the potty but really upset again and it took another 30-45 mins. I never force him to sit there. I ask multiple times if he wants to get back up and try again later but he says he wants to sit some more so he totally understands he needs to go and what needs to happen, he’s just scared.

No signs of constipation. We read books about poo, talk about where poo comes from, I’ve let him watch me go/showed him my poop, we sing songs and read books whilst on potty but so far nothing has helped. I’ve also tried giving chocolate buttons for a poo, which he reminds me of straight after but it doesn’t help in the moment.

I know lots of people offer a nappy for poos, which I’m totally fine with doing if that’s the best thing to do, but I wanted to at least give it a few days to see if we could overcome it and to give it a chance. But I don’t want to traumatise my child so I don’t know what to do. Do I give it a few more days to see if it improves or am I traumatising him and should I offer a nappy for a poo?

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IamChipmunk · 18/04/2025 16:18

Maybe try with a toddler toilet seat. They are smaller and go over the normal seat. My dd hated doing a poo in the potty and would get upset but was happy to do it on the toilet pretty much straight away. I have no idea why!

nonmerci99 · 18/04/2025 16:19

From what I understand this is very normal. Took my son about two months from starting potty training to get over his fear of pooing in the potty. Now he goes without incident.

MeePa · 18/04/2025 16:23

@IamChipmunk Yeah I have suggested it to him as we do have one but he’s said no, but maybe I’ll insist on trying it a bit next time and see if it’s any better.

@nonmerci99 This is reassuring. What did you do when he was upset whilst going? Or did he just have lots of accidents?

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nonmerci99 · 18/04/2025 16:24

MeePa · 18/04/2025 16:23

@IamChipmunk Yeah I have suggested it to him as we do have one but he’s said no, but maybe I’ll insist on trying it a bit next time and see if it’s any better.

@nonmerci99 This is reassuring. What did you do when he was upset whilst going? Or did he just have lots of accidents?

I’m afraid to say he pooed in his pants quite a lot, or pooed in his nighttime nappy. He’s 3, and we haven’t night trained him.

User69611 · 18/04/2025 19:52

We gave a nappy for poos for about 6 weeks and then one day toddler said she would do it in the potty, then quickly changed to loo seat. Think it’s fine to go for nappies for now before issues arise (the fear can lead to withholding and constipation which can become a big issue and hard to treat).

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