Toddler twining

[Newmum995]

How do you cope with your toddler twining?
My DS is 3 and his twine is almost unbearable, me and my partner fall out on how to deal with it, I think he must want something and try to make sure he is getting the attention he needs whereas he is more of the tough love/ignore him approach. We had another DD who is 5 months so I'm paranoid he's struggling to adjust??
How has everyone else cope with the constant twining?

What is twining, sorry?

Moaning and crying basically, but for no apparent reason

Whining?

If they do this don't respond to the whine. Tell them you will respond when they ask in a normal voice.Cant stand whining and don't tolerate it.

Whining. Twining is a brand of tea.

How do you react? Have you talked to him about it. I would stay some thing like “Jack you are making a whining noise and this makes me think you’re feeling sad. Is there a problem I can help you with?”

"Stop that horrible noise" is also quite effective I find!

Agreed. He's 3 so plenty old enough to understand. There is no reason for constant whining and I wouldn't be responding to him if he whined at me.

I hate whining as well. I think it’s a real trigger thing for most of us. Janet Lansbury has some good stuff on whining here

My DS was a terrible whiner. He still can do it occasionally now at 5 years old.
What helped was naming it the whiny voice and saying I couldn’t understand him when he spoke like that and saying it hurt my ears and he needed to speak properly.
I totally sympathise because whining is awful. I think kids all grow out of it though. Unless you give into them and they see it as a strategy that works.

I don’t have much to offer here, as it was all so long ago but I am intrigued by the use of the word “twining”. Google says it’s a Cumbrian dialect word - how interesting!

That is really interesting! I was wondering if Cumbrian children's whining is so constant that the t has kind of attached itself to the front of the word. A bit like how 'an apron' used to be 'a napron' but the other way round.

Anyway, if I said 'stop that horrible noise' to my 3yo as suggested by PP, I'd get actual loud crying instead of whining, which wouldn't be an improvement. I'd be more in the @Inarutinarut and Janet Lansbury camp because you say it's 'for no apparent reason'. So it's not like complaining when you say no, or when asking for stuff, just general low-level grizzling? When my DS does this, I tend to encourage him to identify why he's feeling sad, and sometimes it's fair enough and not really solvable, so I guess in that case he can do the whining if it makes him feel better. Yesterday he claimed he was crying because 'I want a big car like friend X and friend Y have got' (it was actually because he was very tired), so we had a chat about why small cars are also good, and how maybe one day we would get an electric car, and then he went to sleep. The other day he was sad because he'd found out his best friend couldn't come to his birthday party, and there wasn't much I could do about that except be generally sympathetic, so he just had a little cry to himself.

If it's whining because he wants something, we don't get that any more because he knows he's more likely to get stuff if he asks nicely.

Thanks for all the replies! (Didn't know twining was so niche to the north of England!)

Think I need to be a lot harsher and hope the phase ends quickly, I find it so triggering and me and my partner not getting on because it's got us both so wound up doesnt help!

I used to simply say, "I can understand you when you use that voice." I've also seen someone recommended giving a positive instruction e.g. "Use your regular voice."

Yes, somethings need to be dealt with harshly, for everyone's sanity. Whining one of, these, as is grisling and whinging!

It's not. It's niche to one specific part of the north because I live near Sunderland and it isn't a word here

Sorry, I don’t speak winge.

Whinge?

Quite honestly? I just don’t tolerate it. 3 and a half year old is not allowed to speak that way. They all have their moany moments and I let that go because I can enjoy a good moan sometimes too. But constant whinging? Absolutely not allowed and I can’t stand children who do.

You can be firm without being harsh. If he’s just whining to get something I mean. But also, I find responding to them works better.

I do find it best to acknowledge the emotion and that usually stops the whining in its tracks. Philippa Perry’s ‘The book you wish your parents had read’ is worth a read.