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Bedtime chaos, feeling guilty

6 replies

BrewOn · 17/04/2025 22:00

I've just had the worst bedtime with my two DDs - toddler (3 years 9 months) and baby (5 months). My eldest was always such a gem, and we always counted ourselves lucky as she was a relatively chilled toddler!! However since turning 3.5 she has pushed boundaries more and more. I also find myself so upset some nights as we've lost our connection since the birth of her little sister. DD2 is EBF and refuses a bottle, DD1s dad has been taking over her bedtime whilst I sort youngest - I haven't put her down to bed since DD2s arrival, the few times we tried I always ended up having to try and settle/feed DD2.

Tonight DH is at the football and I've flown solo for bedtime for the first time in months. It has been nothing short of a disaster - DD1 constantly waking DD2, messing and being deliberately noisy. She's pushed all the boundaries and I've found it so infuriating. I really shouted at her, I feel awful. We are doing an egg hunt tomorrow at her grandparents and I've told her she isn't doing it anymore - I don't know why I said it, it didn't help the situation and I think I was just at the end of my tether. I feel so awful now, I don't think I've ever shouted at her before - certainly not in the way I did tonight. I'm so worried we're losing our bond, I adore her so much and she is such a loving big sister but her behaviour towards me in particular is really draining. I don't know what I'm after with this thread - I've found going from 1 child to 2 so unbelievably challenging (DD2 has CMPA and severe reflux so it's been a tough start). I'm touched out, emotional and feel like I'm failing both children. Currently in bed with youngest asleep on me and eldest curled up in our bed next to me!!

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BrewOn · 17/04/2025 22:00

Apologies if none of that made much sense, drained and I don't think my brain functioning has been the same since having two kids!! 🙈🙃

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ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:04

Her behaviour towards you isn’t personal, you are her mummy and now you are attached to a screaming mini person and don’t do bedtime, she was always going to act up. Don’t beat yourself up for shouting, most parents do it at some point! Chalk it up to a bad night and start fresh tomorrow, remind yourself this phase will pass. You are in the trenches right now but it gets better!

BrewOn · 17/04/2025 22:09

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/04/2025 22:04

Her behaviour towards you isn’t personal, you are her mummy and now you are attached to a screaming mini person and don’t do bedtime, she was always going to act up. Don’t beat yourself up for shouting, most parents do it at some point! Chalk it up to a bad night and start fresh tomorrow, remind yourself this phase will pass. You are in the trenches right now but it gets better!

Thank you, keep trying to remind myself they were in the thick of it at the moment - just been one of those days!!

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YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 17/04/2025 23:09

Make sure you apologise, it'll help you both to feel better. Try and turn the bedtime things into little challenges for her maybe? Time her doing bits like undressing, getting her brush.. if you need to feed read her stories while you do? It's really hard, I feel you.

Mrsmouse71 · 17/04/2025 23:21

Jeez don’t apologise tomorrow, she’ll have forgotten. Start fresh

gradygals · 29/06/2025 14:38

You can only do your best within your capabilities. Do not beat yourself up. Not every Mum can be the ideal. Love your children, love yourself. Hopefully children and babies will not remember details in their dreams. No one is perfect, you have to teach them that as well.

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