Hello everyone,
I am asking for some counselling about my wife treatment of my family.
Here is the story:
When my wife was pregnant, she was expecting beginning of April, my parents ask to come to our house to see their grandchildren.
A bit of context before. My parents live in the same country as us but at around 8h if travelling. Her family live in a different continent. Her mom stayed in our house for 3 months to help her after the delivery.
So as I was saying they told us they could come see us, at first, mid may. I told them, that it would be difficult because with my wife mom, the house would be a little small. I told them they could get an Airbnb but they were a bit offended. My wife told me that she wanted no-one for the first 3 months.
I ask her a bit later if mid June would be ok (so like 2months and a half) because my birthday and my mom are in June. She says, yes.
I called my parents to ask if it was okay for them. It was not, they could only come according to their holiday and other weekends were taken to take care of my nephews. So they could only beginning of June.
Here is a mistake I made, without asking my wife, I told them that it should be ok. But it was not...
She explained to me, and I understood that I was wrong.
So I called them to tell them that if they can only come beginning of June then they would not come.
My parents were not happy, they said that they don't understand, that they already planned their holiday accordingly, that it was not fair that her mom could come. My father especially, say that it will never forget what I did.
In the end, afterwards, my parents did not ask again to come, did not made any comments. Call me as usual once a week to see how the pregnancy was going or how the baby was going, they sent some gift (some clothes).
But since then my wife does not want to have my family come or go see my family for stays.
My family has planned an holiday in August with them, my 2 sisters and their children and us for 4 days (3 nights). And my wife does not want neither her or our daughter to go.
I agree that my parents have treated her badly once at the worst time (during pregnancy) but don't they need another chance ? And ain't it punishing my sisters and their children (nobody from my family has yet to see our daughter, it would be the first time)
My wife is afraid that my parents would be commenting, carry the baby while she doesn't want, or simply do as they themselves want. She really feel uncomfortable around them since this argument.
Also to know, my wife has only seen my parents twice (and she was liking them)
I offer her to create rules that if they don't follow we will leave the holiday.
But she doesn't trust me because of how I handled the first time...
What are your opinions?
I know that I should be defending my wife, but I don't know, I feel like she's a bit unfair.
PS: also her mom husband who was supposed to stay like a couple of day then pick her mom and go to sightseeing Europ. It suddenly changed and he was supposed to stay for 2 weeks at our place (even remote working) and it was fine for her. Well in the end, when he come her mom and he will take an Airbnb but she didn't know that...