Looking for a bit of advice as I feel like I’m doing something wrong

[ellie1789]

Hi,

I’m a SAHM with two children (2.5 years and 6 months). I feel that my husband or I have gone wrong somewhere, and I’m looking for advice on how to get by. We limit screen time and my toddler is at home most days, with family taking him out for days out when they’re here. As he’s the first grandson on both sides, he’s always been the focus of attention. I’m finding that it’s making having two at home really tricky as he dictates the day a lot. He’ll over talk you if you’re having a conversation as he’s not the focus of attention, he screams if he doesn’t get his way and doesn’t listen to me,
and struggles to independently play. I try to be consistent but find my husband gives in to what he wants, or vice versa.

I suppose my complaint is that I feel like we’re making no progress on how to behave and to start to do things for himself a little more. I equally don’t know if my expectations of him are too high. I am uncomfortable that my baby is left on the side lines a lot as my eldest is so demanding. My husband helps when he can, but is away with work a lot so my days are spent trying to tidying up after breakfast all day long, and then just sitting with my littlest in my arms as I am bossed around by my toddler. I don’t feel like I get anywhere with jobs, looking after myself etc. I feel like we’ve gone wrong somewhere and I spoke to my community nursery nurse about it the other day and she’s referred me for a course but I’ve not heard anything on it yet. My toddler will go to pre-school in September and I think a lot of this will sort itself then, but am looking for some guidance before then as I currently feel like I’m failing my youngest. Thank you in advance

It’s completely understandable that he’s behaving like this as he’s not the star of the show anymore. He will grow out of this; my advice would be don’t tolerate ‘bad’ behaviour but give him as much attention as he needs. Your younger baby will get their time when the oldest is at nursery. I’d ignore the screaming and act very nonchalantly when he stops ‘oh you’ve stopped; shall we play a game?’ he’s doing this for attention. Play with him as much as you can, things he wants to do. He won’t be little for long so try not to over think this too much. At this age their ego is HUGE but they do begin to learn that others need a chance too as they get past 3 (I’m a nursery school teacher, with 3 grown up kids one of whom was VERY jealous)
good luck and try not to worry

Thank you. That was so helpful to hear! It’s exactly what I wanted to hear - just some guidance on how to manage it as I know that I’m not experienced.