Home triths

[Herecomesthesundoodoodoo]

Do you give your DC home truths? I worry I’m too harsh as I can be blunt at times, but when DC are acting in a way that is off putting, I do point it out (quietly, in their ear, for example in the half term holidays we were all at a park with friends, DS was making a fuss about hurting himself constantly (he is 10, it was over the top) during football so I said in his ear that if he keeps acting like this, his friends won’t want to hang out with him.

His temperament is on the negative side so this sort of thing happens a lot, and I worry it’s chipping away at his self confidence. But I feel like it’s my job to point things out to him rather than just let him carry on…

I don't know op, I get wanting to help them realise actions have consequences and sometimes that might mean having to be very honest and yes, giving some home truths... But I'd think talking to them calmly in private or just trying to explain things to him so he gets it? Honestly the idea of you just... Whispering "nobody will like you" in his ear, around all his friends is... Uncomfortable to think about. My home truth to you would be yeah, you are probably "chipping away" at your childs confidence. Have you always been like this with him? If so I feel sorry for him.

Hmm yes probably. Well not as a little toddler! But he has always erred on the negative side so it’s been a bit of a cycle. I try and have the conversations after when it allows. But when I can see he is going to go on and on unless he’s stopped, I do feel like I should stop him.

I would be honest with them, but I think the key is in the delivery. I would pull mine aside, wait for them to calm down, and talk to them, none of this whispering in ears.

In the particular example that you’ve used, I think I’d be more in favour of natural consequences. If he’s “hurt” himself, well then it’s sensible he goes home instead of playing football with his friends because he should be resting rather than playing on an injury. Or I would let him see what happens if his friends think he’s annoying and don’t want to play with him. Natural consequences rather than threats.