Sleep deprivation making me question my choices

[mixxymay]

Hi all,

My little one is 9 weeks old and won’t sleep!! Leading up to 6 weeks he was sleeping fairly well for his daytime naps and at night, then it took a turn and has gotten what feels like worse each week. He’ll be visibly tired but just not nap during the day until he absolutely can’t help it and ends up being cranky. He won’t stay in his bouncer for too long during the day as he wants to be entertained and held. The constant crying on top of the lack of sleep just makes it even worse. Sometimes my mum will come and help out with him, but even when she has baby I can’t even nap as I have to do the laundry, wash and sterilise the bottles etc. I’m a single parent so can’t do shift work when it comes to his sleeping either.

I love him to death, but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on me and making me question my decision of having this baby..I know it’s not his fault at all, but when does it start to get better again?

Oh yes, this was me for the first couple of months. I thought I'd made a terrible mistake and the baby screamed his head of every night. It got better after about 12 weeks with the colic (but I hated people saying you have to wait it out - i wanted instant solutions! )

He was sleeping really well by 9mo, although things with both my kids were up and down for the first year or so.

Try and get into a nap schedule. For me sleep did beget sleep. I made it my job to get that baby to nap 2-3 times a day, by putting them down (after 6 wks or so mine wouldn't just drop off to sleep) or taking in pram for a walk, wearing them in a sling etc.

If you're just waiting for them to go to sleep that's probably not gonna work. Do all the stuff that becomes a nap routine - dimmed lights, milk, bit of rocking etc, and read about wake windows / how to spot when they're tired. Pick up if he cries but put back down to sleep.

You may well know all this and it's bloody tough so good luck. Keep going even if it's not working for a bit, as they go in and out of sleep regressions and you need to be consistent.

Hi OP, no specific advice but I just wanted to share with you that feeling like you have made a mistake a few weeks after having a baby is really common. I felt like that and felt like a horrible person and mother. And then one day, one woman in our NCT WhatsApp group said she felt like that - and then we all admitted it. Since then, each time a friend is having a baby I have always warned them that soon after the baby is born, you might feel like you have made a mistake. That is just because you are exhausted, scared and the hormone changes don’t help. It is normal and it passes. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mother.

7 years down the line and I can see that was just a blip. But it feels horrible at the time. I’m just saying this so that you don’t feel guilt on top of all the other feelings you are having, and don’t feel alone in this worry. It will pass. Best of luck, OP.

Definitely don’t feel guilty and don’t think you have to maintain a perfect home either. As long as you’re fed, baby is fed and has clean clothes an nappies it’s all good.

Agree with concentrating on the naps too. Adding Dentinox to their bottles might help with any gas, trying the Tiger in the Tree Hold might help when he’s unsettled, different babies like different things and dinettes it’s just a case if trying out lots of techniques until you find something that works.

The no Cry Nap Solution might help too.

If you are feeling overwhelmed though do speak to your HV and the PANDAS Foundation can be useful too

Some babies really struggle with getting overstimulated by lights, movement, noise etc, especially once all of their senses have really heightened around 6 weeks. For naps I would try a dark and quiet room, hold him close or in a stretchy carrier and try rocking and shushing calmly. By reducing the stimulation it might make it easier for him to drop off. If you find yourself getting worked up or frustrated during this, I would try a bit of singing as it's quite hard to be cross and sing I found!

I think on average a baby of this age would stay awake around 1-1.5 hours at a time so I would look for any signs of tiredness at that point and if so try the above.

In my opinion, it's always something is going on. I don't think babies just cry for no reason.

It could be hunger - is your baby breastfed?
How much does he sleep? Is he sleeping on you during the daytime?
He can easily be overstimulated- my first baby just fell asleep randomly when she was tired at that age. With my second, I always had to time it right - it wasn't clear when he was sleepy.

Do you have a sling OP? Not a baby carrier but a nice comfy sling you can pop him into whilst you do things like make up his feeds or get yourself some lunch?

Neither of mine were very keen to go down at this age and I found the sling freed me up a bit and helped them to sleep.

I don't think babies just cry for no reason

That's what colic is! Well, it's "unexplained". I took mine to GP with videos of the screaming and basically told it will subside eventually but to try elevating the head of his bed slightly and trying infacol. We had tried everything.

Google "purple crying".

My dd was like this and she still doesn’t sleep through the night and she’ll be 4 in a few months. Sleep deprivation is horrid.

The feeling that you made a mistake having a baby is very very normal in the first few months. I felt it hugely with my first (a colicky, refluxy, terrible sleeper), I truly believed I had completely ruined my life! This difficult stage will end and that feeling will go away I promise.