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5 year old hitting me, awful outbursts

4 replies

alfi25 · 13/04/2025 08:03

Hi,

My daughter is 5, she’s always been an “angry” child as such, she comes from a loving home, she’s never witnessed any dv or anything as such, it’s just me and her generally (she sees her dad too) so the only arguments she’s seen are from me shouting at her etc.. I’m struggling with how she goes from 0-100 angry, kicking off, meltdown in 1 second.

If she doesn’t get her own way or if I’m not responding to her right away or doing what she wants, she can just go from being fine to having a full on meltdown and I’d say over the last 7/8 months she’s started hitting me, scratching me, throwing stuff.

I’ve spoke to her SO much about how we don’t hurt mummy, how we don’t throw toys, I’ve tried the naughty step, you name it I’ve tried it. School do alot with them about managing emotions and what fills our cup up and down, she knows rather than getting angry at first she should take herself away from me and go and calm down, try breathing techniques such as rainbow breaths and candles.. she manages this well at school and her meltdowns at school have decreased a lot but at home the smallest thing can cause her to hit me.

I obviously don’t hit her back but the odd time ive tapped her bum she just laughs and says do it harder 🙃 I was a really angry child just like she is and my parents didn’t do much to try and decrease my anger, I don’t want her to grow up being so angry and I feel like she knows how to manage her anger to a point at school but at home it’s a different story.

It’s the hitting me I can’t deal with. Family members have spoke to her too and she keeps doing it. She wouldn’t dream of doing anything at school, shes never been in trouble for hitting etc! She knows it’s wrong as when we speak about it and what’s happened she says mummy I’m so sorry it was an accident , also if I walk away from her and say I’m not standing here for you to hurt mummy as that makes mummy sad she will just follow me and have a meltdown!

Thanks for reading if you’ve got this far 🫣

OP posts:
DrummingMousWife · 13/04/2025 08:07

When she follows you, you have to take her back to the step and keep doing this. You have to be on repeat to show her there are consequences and she needs to stay and calm and regulate herself. Removing yourself from the situation is the best idea, but if she follows you, you have to say no and take her back. Any hitting I would be taking away a toy or something she likes for an hour after- there must be consequences to stop the behaviour.

alfi25 · 13/04/2025 08:17

DrummingMousWife · 13/04/2025 08:07

When she follows you, you have to take her back to the step and keep doing this. You have to be on repeat to show her there are consequences and she needs to stay and calm and regulate herself. Removing yourself from the situation is the best idea, but if she follows you, you have to say no and take her back. Any hitting I would be taking away a toy or something she likes for an hour after- there must be consequences to stop the behaviour.

i do, she just gets up, she weighs 4 stone btw so she isn’t light for me to pick her up as such either, she just goes all floppy and doesn’t listen to going back. I take her iPad away, she doesn’t even have YouTube on it cos I realised how much that was making her behaviour awful. She doesn’t play out with her friends, even telling her teacher at school about her hitting me (she gets a Red Cross and they’ve spoke to her loads about hitting and managing big feelings etc) .. I just feel like I’m at such a loss with it all. She is a really lovely and caring child until she gets angry!

OP posts:
Butterycrumpet5 · 27/04/2025 11:56

I could have wrote this myself OP, my daughter turned 5 in January and started school in September, I feel like a switch has flipped in her! She had never hit me until the last few months, I'm really struggling with what to do with her. She is well behaved at school, and when with her Dad, Grandparents etc. But when we come home, litetally over the threshold, she switches.
It's mainly when she doesn't get her own way, which doesn't make sense to me as I've never given in to her every want/demand.
If she asks for something new, we work towards it with a reward chart, she isn't spoilt.
The reward chart seems pointless since the hitting though as 5 out of 7 days she will hit/nip/kick. I've resulted to removing all stickers from the chart if she hurts me, as talking it through etc. Just isn't working.
I wish I had advice for you, but this is more of a 'I'm in the same boat and also lost' hand hold.
I hope things settle down soon x

FoxAndSquirrel · 09/03/2026 06:49

Hi, I realise this post was a while ago but stumbled across it as in the same boat. It’s just really kicked off the last 2 weeks and I am emotionally drained
3/4 tantrums with hitting a day when she doesn’t get her own way
Hates bedtime

please tell me things have improved and if so….any tips?

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