Bed time is killing me

[Crispyduck66]

Hey everyone!
I’m writing on here to see if anyone has any advice or perhaps can tell me I’m overreacting?
I have 3 boys, 6,5 and 7 months. My older two share a room and at the moment share a double bed; they’ve slept next to each other for years so we haven’t made the change to bunk beds just yet but we are looking to do this.
Anyway I usually feed them dinner 4:30pm, bath/teeth/story at 6pm then lights off by 7pm - sometimes this is slightly later if I’ve got stuck doing something with baby but generally that’s our evening routine.
when the lights go off and we’ve said good night they then take hours to go to sleep. They talk to each other, mess around, get out of bed and get toys, play with each other, come downstairs and complain about each other, just generally delay going to sleep however they can. Meanwhile I’m usually trying to get the baby to sleep!
they will go back to bed without a fight but continue their games. Eventually around 9pm sometimes later, they fall asleep.
by this point I’m ready for bed myself! I feel like I get no down time or time to myself or to spend with my husband. Even if they could be asleep by 8pm that’s reasonable but I just feel like 9pm is too late for them, I feel like they’re tired and quite often in the morning my older one is whiny.
do I need to just accept that 9pm is their bed time?
my 6 year old told me I should put them in bed at 4pm! lol is our bedtime routine too long?
Ive even tried staying with them and they stayed in bed but just fidgeted around, tried to talk to me and again just do everything except sleep!
For a while they would listen to their tonie box and fall asleep but that was short lived, they started just stay awake listening to it and 1 tonie became 3 etc.
I feel like I’ve tried everything - they simply will not just close their eyes and try to fall asleep!
If anyone has any suggestions or advice for me or is going through the same thing please comment!
thank you
from a very tired and stressed out mum!

Hi. I just want to suggest that it may be a bit early? With my 3 year old bedtime starts at 7.30. asleep 8.30. she then sleeps until 7. Have you tried a tonies box?

Sorry just seen you have a tonies. I would suggest moving bedtime 30 mins later for a start xx

I also thought it sounded early, for my 2&4 year old we do dinner at 5:45, bath at 6:30, story about 7 and lights out by 7:25++15

I think dinner time and bedtime are way too early for that age. Would move both an hour later. My 3 year old has dinner around 5.30/6 and is asleep between 8-8.30. It is only able to be earlier than that if she's had a very very active day.

7pm is really early for the 5 and 6 year old. My DC is 6 and has been going to sleep around 8.30 for ages. He wakes around 7.

What's your husband doing while you're doing bedtime?

That does sound incredibly early to eat dinner and go to bed - what time do they need to get up in the morning? Could you give them some more down time in the evening - an hour oF TV etc, do that you get a bit of relaxation and a chance to chat to your husband while they occupy themselves quietly?

Insisting they sleep when they are not tired won't help matters at all. Can you imagine someone telling you to go to sleep on command?

That's a very early dinner.

I try to have my 5&8yo in bed for 7, however they're rarely asleep before 8. Now I'm a bit more chill about it all.

You have kept them on toddler hours!

I've 6 year old and bedtime is between 8 - 8.30 and they are usually fast asleep before 9.

supper is around 6 - 6.30

They generally have an hour after tea just to play with siblings which in this weather has been outside in the garden whilst I potter inside.

It's a tricky age gap with the baby - I'd focus on getting their routine sorted and fit the older kids in around that and if that means later bedtimes it sounds like that would suit them.

Dinner at 4.30 and lights out at 7 all sounds incredibly early. On a good night with no later clubs or activities, my 5yo has dinner at 6.30, upstairs at 8, lights out 8.30ish.

Snack when home from school, time to play and exhaust themselves a little then dinner. Maybe then your husband can keep them occupied and quiet whilst you settle baby then take an hour with them for bedtime?

layer bedtimes and can you stagger the older 2 by half an hour?

I’m convinced that some kids just aren’t “early” kids and not all kids will sleep for the same amount of time. If they are messing around until 9, they’re clearly not tired at 7, so I’d just put them to bed later.

Agree with all the too early comments. We're only getting home at 5.30pm most days and DD has two activities per week when she only gets back at 7/7.30pm.

Usual bedtime is about 7.45pm -8pm for DS4 and DD7 usually reads for about 15-20 minutes after that before she sleeps.

Agree with the others - 4.30 for dinner and 6pm is soooo early! You just have to accept you’ll lose some of your evening I’m afraid!

When my 2 were messing about at bedtime (separate beds) we put them to bed in seperate rooms (smallest in our bed) and moved them at our bedtime. It’s also a bit early for 6 year old to start the bedtime so early. I understand getting everyone ready at the same time but then I’d get the baby to bed first then the bigger ones.

My 7 year old goes to bed fine at 7pm but he gets up early lol. So I don't think it's too early but every kid and household schedule is different. Plus with the sunshine now it might be too bright for them to fall asleep easily. If you've not got blackout curtains get them.

Move dinner a bit later and give them a big filling dessert so their tummy's are full near bedtime.

Does sound like they're not that tired even after a bath and relaxing bedtime story. Maybe they need more exercise in the afternoon after school?

I'm also afraid that whilst they're sharing a room they're always just going to play together, like friends would on a sleepover.

And you're really in the trenches of parenthood right now with a baby too.
I only had one child because I could never figure out the logistics of things like bedtime with more than one 😄

Overall. I'd say make sure they're full and knackered and in a dark room and after a bath and story they should hopefully go down... Really sorry if you've tried all this and it's no use to you 😕

Wow thanks everyone for all your comments!
a bit more back story!
My 5 year old is terrible at eating so if i give them snacks after school he doesnt eat dinner. i have to feed them dinner and then theyre allowed snacks after.
ive been doing this routine for a while because before they would eat dinner 6:30/7 but it was always a battle because my 5 year old wouldnt eat, and then bath/story etc so they would be in bed by 8:30/9 and then asleep 9:30/10. i thought this was too late so i swapped the dinner and snacks and tried putting them in bed earlier but it made no difference.
i dont have many mum friends and the ones i do have their kids sleep 7-7 or whatever and bed time isnt an issue so they werent helpful lol

Okay so basically I shouldn’t be expecting them to be fast asleep 8pm? 9pm is an acceptable time? But I’m dragging out their bed time routine? so by shortening the bed time routine they should fall asleep quicker?

For the older kids I would do a slightly later bedtime, especially in summer with the lighter evenings. Maybe 7.30 or 8pm BUT have strong boundaries around bedtime. Consequences/reward chart etc.

I used to put the baby to sleep at 6pm and then sort out the older ones. No third nap for baby meant they would be ready for bed at 530/6. Get them down then tackle the others?

I read a great book for my 5 year old 'it's never too late to sleep train' got us back on track. 45mins is long enough for bed time routine it says so 645 upstairs for 730 bedtime. No screens before bed, it makes a difference (I didn't used to think it did) I would get rid of the Tonie in bed, mine would be up all night listening to it

It's probably not helping that they can see each other and will therefore naturally play. I'd put them in bunks or even separate rooms for a bit to reset expectations around bed time.

9pm is an acceptable time?

An acceptable time is one that works for your family and where your kids get the sleep that they need (this may be different from the generic view of what sleep kids need). Honestly - my life was so much better when I stopped worrying about “times” and went with the flow. (The other advantage of this is that your life isn’t constantly bound by scheduled times and I think this gets more and more helpful as they get older and you get out and about more. Doesn’t work for everyone, I know, but really helped me!)