Does it get better?

[Sammie1990]

Hi everyone,

my DS is just 15 months old. I am finding this stage extremely hard and I have to say I am not enjoying being a mum. Everything is hard work and a battle. Meal times I dread as I spend ages making nice meals etc and it just gets thrown on the floor, constant tantrums, terrible sleep. I used to enjoy going out with him but now I don’t because he will have a tantrum about ever little thing. Outwardly people compliment me on my parenting as they say I am very patient and loving but it is something I am actively doing not doing naturally if that makes sense. I constantly feel overwhelmed especially by the constant noise, I am a noise sensitive person and it feels like my head is going to explode when the crying is non stop. I loved being a parent when he was smaller but honestly right now I dread the days. Please tell me things will get better.

In many ways I don’t think it gets much harder than fifteen months; they are just babies really but mobile and curious. Eating very little is normal at this age and yes, sleep is often an issue, I know that doesn’t make it easier.

I am definitely not saying it all magically improves at eighteen months but it’s a turning point in many ways.

Everyone always says it is just as difficult as they got older and I remember feeling really down. Of course it gets easier as they age - you can go to the loo, cook dinner, have a bath as they get older. The 1s was my least favourite age. They are walking babies and you can't reason with them. The older generation don't always help and neither do some mums who make out it they have got it all in hand (they don't). Be kind and don't judge yourself. This is rock hard. Make sure you also take some time for you - nights out/weekend away. I am a way better mum for doing so. Take care of yourself xx

Oh and also buy pre-made food at times. Make it easier on yourself

It's a really, really tough stage OP. It will get better. Two things that helped me:

Don't spend ages making nice food. A 15 month old doesn't know or care. There will be lots of time for that as he gets older. For now, toast, crackers, cucumber sticks and whatever else you can cut into bits is fine. It's a snacky stage anyway - my daughter would basically have one bite of something every half hour through the day.

Get some noise cancelling headphones (or some loop earplugs). This was a game changer. You're not neglecting him by tuning out his noise, you're creating the conditions where you can respond to him calmly without feeling like your brain is going to explode. At nighttime in particular, if is SO much easier to cuddle/bounce/soothe them when the shrieking is half the volume. My daughter is 7 and there are still days when I have to put my earplugs in at bedtime.

It gets better, it might take a while but it does. I found 1-2 hard as they can't communicate well, they don't really play in a sense that you can really join in with - both of mine just liked emptying cupboards and moving things round the house - but still have a lot of needs and physically need a lot of help. Completely agree with PP about food, you just need the basics, nothing fancy.

Nursery?

Thanks everyone for the replies. It’s reassuring about the food and I will try some more picky options: wherever I do they sort of food I feel guilty like I need to make him proper meals. All these bloody cook books for kids people go on about don’t help!

He actually started nursery last week but I have needed to pick him up early as he’s been upset. Today he did longer which was good. However at bed time he just would not sleep and every time I put him in the cot kept waking up and crying. I was exhausted as I’m run down myself and ended up saying to my partner whilst crying that I didn’t want to be a mum anymore. Of course that isn’t the case. My partner responded basically by telling me I was being ridiculous and to get some sleep which I don’t think was a very helpful response. I know feel awfully guilty that I said something so dreadful out loud.

Sending love OP. We have all felt like this many just don’t admit it. We had this stage about 14 months I think. She was just miserable all the time and honestly unpleasant to be around. Like most things with very young kids it did turn out to be a phase. Now she’s happy all the time but to be fair she’s still WAY too loud for me. I didn’t get on with loop earplugs so I use headphones instead just to block the noise with some classical music or a podcast that I’m not very invested in.

Also, nursery REALLY helped but it got worse before it got better. She was briefly way more of a misery but now she’s accustomed to it I get time to be someone other than mum (I work full time so not going to call it a break!) and she gets to channel that energy into learning and socialising. Honestly enjoyed being a mum in all areas after I went back to work, maternity leave felt really tough for me.