Reward system

[LegoHouse274]

Does anyone successfully use a reward system for positive behaviour and if so, what is it like, does it help etc? We are struggling a bit recently, particularly with our 3.5yr old - although not sure if he might be too young for a system? Our elder child is 6 so also not sure how to do a system that is fair to them both? I'm thinking along the lines of sticker chart or pompom jars then picking a a reward once completed etc.

I think this kind of thing only works for specific things you want them to do eg put their plate in the dishwasher, tidy up, put clothes away rather than being kind, using indoor voice all afternoon.

Not a fan of this method. I find when a child wants something that they can only get from you to be the best time to discuss behaviour. The more severe the issue, the longer the wait to provide.

I tried that over the years occasionally but never stuck to it , just felt like I was trying to bribe him constantly. What I found had a good result was random interrupting telling him how great his behaviour was especially when it’s over a situation where there are issues . For example if they are normally silly at meal times , on the occasion when they are behaving dont wait until after the meal to praise ,so half way through ‘ I’m absolutely loving your behaviour at the moment I’m really proud of you ‘ and ignore little bits of bad behaviour, bit like with a puppy really !

Interesting, thanks. I got the idea from DC1's school, they use a points based system there and then they trade points for little gifts in a little 'shop'. She seems to like it and tends to have one of the biggest points haul in her class, or so she tells me. That being said, I can believe she'd be like that anyway tbh so perhaps it doesn't really 'work' as such. Also appreciate that DC2 is a lot younger so may all go over their head anyway.

We brought a reusable jar and stars for our daughter and everyone she does something good or good sharing just anything positive we tell her she can have a star. When she has collected all 30 she gets a prize from her prize box. The prizes are just small things like bath bombs new books ect. We don’t take away stars but everything we notice something nice for example today she shared her sweets with a child at the play centre so she was rewarded with a star for being kind.

I think it really depends on the child, and a bit of trial and error as to what works!

We tried the 'specific' routine charts i.e. ticking a box for tidying up, brushing teeth, PJs, etc but we found we were just begging her to do these things to get the star and then even if she was a bloody nightmare she still expected a star for doing the thing in the end.

We now do the same as @iusedtohavechickens
Reward for spontaneous good behaviour and (try to) ignore the bad. She gets a magazine when the jar is full. It seems to be working, we are slowly seeing more and more positive behavior

We do pom pom jars but only ever short term if we are trying to encourage better behaviour. For example she started with a lot of big emotions after starting school in September and it was a good way for us all to focus on the good bits rather than the challenging moments.
I wrote a list of things throughout the day she could do for rewards and we went through them at bed time. Usually she got about 15 a day. We were struggling to get her to sit at the table and to eat so that was four of them. Getting her dressed was a battle so cooperating with getting dressed for school and bed were another two. As well as things like being helpful and tidying toys away.
I think we did it properly for about 4 weeks and then 2 weeks of sort of doing it by which point we had weathered the storm. She was doing better and the praise at the point in time was enough to reinforce the behaviour.

Depends on your child and what you want your family culture to be like. You can make a rewards system but if your child is naturally transactional then it might work too well and they won't do things without reward. So you might want to nurture the empathetic side a bit more rather than lean into the transactional side. But it can give quicker results with less stress on the flip side.

That aside, we have a 2 and 5 year old and I use "family points" which are basically just tallies on a board, and when we get to 50 we make a rocket of achievement (aka paper aeroplane) and decorate it. Everyone's points are all combined together so there's more of a collective element rather than individualistic.
I also do "thank you cards" which are just home made printed sheets about A6 size folded in half and you just write a brief message and hand it over, I can't say they're well used but they are a bit more engaging than a pom pom but also more hassle.
Hope that's useful!

When mine were young we did a sticker chart for toileting and if they did a certain amount of weeks without any accidents they got to go pick out a new clothing item in the shop - both rewarding and practical!
as they got a bit older and during the pandemic we did a chart for the school work but it was a space themed board and they each had a rocket sticker to fly up past all the planets once they got to the planet at the top then they would get a trip to the shop to buy a toy
more recently I’ve done behaviour chart on a chalkboard they start on 20 points, get a point for being helpful, kind, complimentary, etc and get points taken away for bad verbal or bad physical behaviour. I didn’t let them know that how they were being judged. If they got 100 by the end of the week they’d get a full size chocolate bar or a bottled drink (we don’t often have them)