Someone please help can’t cope anymore

[helpamumout]

my 3 year old is really testing me to the point I can’t cope
she is so rude to me, constantly screams and shouts and has so much attitude to everyone.
i don’t know what I am doing wrong, I’ve tried absolutely everything, ignoring , coming down to her level, all the gentle parenting techniques but I just can’t do this anymore

her behaviour is fine at school just an absolute nightmare at home

any tips? Thought this was gonna get easier after the terrible twos but everyday is getting harder and harder and I am mentally drained

I found that age extremely challenging. My DD was having enormous meltdowns at home but was fine at nursery. Now she is 4.5 and is significantly easier to look after.

hang in there…

It’s a difficult age. Have you tried anything that isn’t gentle parenting? Different children respond to different things.

To be honest I snapped today and shouted straight at her and she was laughing and shouting back! :(

This is really tough. I expect you’re doing exactly the right thing, and it’s still tough. You mention gentle parenting: that is increasingly discredited. Children often feel more secure with consistent boundaries, and I expect at school she is told ‘no’ quite clearly for some behaviours.

I used to work in a school. It was fairly obvious who the children were, who were being raised by parents using gentle parenting techniques . Children need boundaries, and to understand that the Adults are in charge. I am not talking about children who are ND.

I used to put my 3 year old behind a baby gate and tell her I would still be there for her when she was calm. Then a bedtime story, snack, and cuddles. It’s a difficult age. She was totally different by age 5, much calmer.

Gentle parenting definitely does not work. It was something I tried to see if things would improve but no.
i very sternly say no and set boundaries but when I do she then cries saying ‘ but mummy I love you’ then I feel guilty! But she’s very clever and clearly knows what she is doing!
we’ve also tried the naughty step, taking things away ( ie no pudding, tv etc) but things are just getting worse

Put her in time out every single time. Tell her why and how long she has to sit there . The most important thing is to be consistent and not give in. If she gets up, walk her back to the step and then start the timer again. She knows she can play you and she is doing exactly that.

Thank you for the advice. I will definitely give time out another go!! I was thinking maybe she is too young but she does know what shes doing and is definitely playing me !

How old is she exactly OP?

You could do this simple progress checker just to rule out any communication difficulties she may be having, the ones my DD had were quite hard to spot.

Little Angels is quite a good book although as a PP says, regular discipline techniques often don’t work if your DC turn out to be ND.

And when she says “but Mummy I love you” could you say something like “yes and I love you too but I don’t like the way you’re behaving right now”?

Is she tired, what’s her bed time etc like? Is she looking for attention perhaps?

@LadyKenya gentle parenting does not equate permissive parenting. If parents are using gentle parenting techniques there will be firm boundaries.