Development review

[CJ98]

My daughter is about to turn 9 months old and today I’ve received an appointment for her development review. When I’ve gone through the questions I’ve felt really overwhelmed and started worrying that my daughter isn’t doing most of what’s on there. I completely understand it’s just a rough idea & they don’t expect babies to be doing everything that’s on there but it’s made me question everything I’ve been doing with my daughter. She doesn’t roll over, she doesn’t crawl and although I’ve tried everything with her she’s just not one to do it. I constantly feel judged that she doesn’t do a lot and there’s other things she does do. I know all babies are different and develop at different stages but how can I be honest without feeling judged or feeling upset that she’s not doing what she’s supposed to do at this age.

My daughter is 10 Months and is doing some stuff and not others. I’m on a Facebook group for babies of June and July and it highlights loads of mothers who feel similar to you but then you realise from comments there’s plenty of babies of same age not doing what you describe. All babies are different

I am deliberately putting off booking the 12 month review until my baby is actually 12 months (not 11 months). Babies change so quickly, a month is a long time, and the HV I have met so far seem to like worrying parents unnecessarily (the words of a paediatrician we saw after an unnecessary HV referral!).

You know your baby best, if YOU aren't worried, don't let the HVs worry you.

I honestly feel like my HV has done nothing but worry me. I’ve had a “difficult” baby since she was born, I went through a stage of her waking me every 2 hours on a night, her feeds were all over the place, she accused me of over feeding my daughter. I was referred to a child development team and when I spoke to them they had 0 concerns about my daughter, she was above average in weight AND height but everything balanced out. She was concerned I was weaning my daughter early (I started her at 4 months) but when I explained that since doing so she’s been sleeping better (yes we still have bad nights with her but better than waking every 2 hours) since weaning her feeds have been so much better. I feel like HV enjoy worrying mums but more so first time mums like myself. I dread everytime I have a HV appointment.

My HV told me they only use those review forms because they are cheap, but they are American and really old and not really relevant! Take it with a pinch of salt...

You do have to take the forms with a bit of a pinch of salt, BUT they are a useful tool for getting referrals into the system. If your DD isn't rolling, then maybe a quick check by paeds would either put your mind at rest or if there is something going on, catch it early. Often they recommend a "wait and see" approach anyway - DD1 had a slight gross motor delay and all they did was agree to come back in 2months by which time she was doing the things she hadn't been doing earlier.

DD2 had massive feeding issues, HV referred us to SALT and SALT watched her feed and basically did an urgent paeds referral as they thought she might have a genetic / syndrome. Obviously all a bit scary at the time, but paeds were able to rule it out and sent us on our way. I'm glad our HV (who I've had for two DC and who is brilliant) recognised that maybe there was something going on and passed it on.

It's hard when it's your baby, but i always just try and remember that there's such a massive range of normal at this age.

Which form has she sent you @CJ98?

Was it the 9 month Ages & Stages?

Don't forget that the forms aren’t designed so that it’s a failure of they can’t do everything.

Most babies will score grey in a couple of areas. They are develop differently.

Like another poster said though, the firms are a useful tool for getting a referral to a Paediatrician, if that’s what’s needed.

If you’re looking at the 9 month Ages & Stages though the HV will only take action of she scores grey in more than 2 areas or if she scored black in any area.