I have 2 children 10 and 16. My eldest is physically disabled and has a rare illness but cognitively fine. I have always worked, albeit part time, since having kids and had a lot of help from my mum . My partner works full time. Last year my mum died, I was ill and had to have surgery, and I had lots of appointments with my daughter due to a pending big operation along with some other legal stuff. I left my job of 30 years just before my daughter’s op as I felt I needed to be there for her and was unsure how long her recovery would take. Thankfully, although it was a long harrowing recovery, she is now fine.
I am currently studing but it was more of a me thing than work related. I would like to return to work but it is not easy to find a job to fit in with school pick ups, hospital appointments and she can be hospitalized for minor illnesses from time to time. I do 99% of everything at home and kids related which would be the same whether I work full time, part time or not at all. My OH works, puts bins out, and walks the dog (I also walk the dog but he is obsessed).
As the kids get older I feel like I’m more needed as I have to support them emotionally as well as the physical support I will always have to give my eldest. I accept that I don’t work and have to do all the housework cooking and so on but I feel like every single thing is my job and every decision is mine – holidays, finances, kids, DIY, life decisions, where we go and what we do – everything. I’m everyone’s go to for everything – kids and OH. Maybe this is my fault and I like to be in control and get my own way too much. But if I didn’t take control, we would do nothing.
My OH escapes for a day every week to do his hobby and I know he feels some frustration with the lack of life we have – we can’t get childcare so never go out without the kids. He loves the kids but it’s like he has no emotional understanding and cannot think beyond his own needs. I asked him to take our youngest swimming as they do nothing together, but this still hasn’t happened. They don’t like to do the things he does and vice versa.
Is this how other people live? I know I’m lucky not to work but sometimes I think I’d rather work and not have everything else. I don’t know if I’m depressed but just recently I feel so overwhelmed with responsibility.