Ds has no self-awareness

[Dunnowotot]

Ds13 has adhs and is on the spectrum. He likes hobbies that are a bit extreme like parkour, trick bike etc..

He has just started boxing and he just showed us the 'moves' he performed to his coach in front of his group. I know in his head he thinks he looks great, fast, has amazing moves, but he honestly has no self awareness at all. Its all flapping arms, exaggerated off balance confusing 'foot work'. He said his coach laughed. He thought it was a good encouraging laugh, but i fear it was not that.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. I tried to tell him to start the training with an open mind, ready to observe and learn but he obviously went in all super hyped thinking he is Mike Tyson.

The main problem is that i dont want other kids to laugh at him and think hes a weirdo. I dont want him to come accross like those people on x factor that go in thinking they can sing and everyone makes fun of them.

How do i approach this?! Any ideas?!

I think the only thing you can do is keep taking him. He will be taught the right technique and when he boxes he will be directly told what he is doing right and wrong. I am sympathetic as my dd is autistic and never the best at any out of school activities. She has gained some great skills though and I have found out which local clubs are inclusive along the way. She loves the things she takes part in and as she struggles to socialise I am glad she is spending time with peers.
It is natural to worry about other kids laughing at your child but honestly this happens to most and we all have to develop a thick skin.

That is a tough one. You don't want to destroy his enjoyment of his new activity. Maybe just praise his enthusiasm and tell him to be open for suggestions from his coach who has many years of experience.

Sounds like he has poor proprioception, it explains his lack of coordination and sensory seeking (parkour and biking). It’s very common in ND people. The good news it can be improved by ‘heavy work’ lots of the things he is already doing and it’s really good for self regulation.

He is only 13, it’s a new hobby and like everyone the only way to get good at something is to keep doing it.

Thank you for this! I just googled proprioception and this is 100% him. He attends a normal school and classroom and occasionally has social peer problems. This is what worries me. I don't want him to be bullied or socially avoided.

If you can afford to pay privately for occupational therapy they would probably be able to suggest activities which would help with proprioception.

I would tell him to demonstrate any boxing moves like he is in slow motion because top speed is too fast for his friends to get. It will look cooler that way too.

I only learnt about it recently when DD had an OT assessment as part of her ASD assessment.

I honestly would just google heavy work activities and would only see an OT if he is having specific issues with organising school work, coordination, writing speed. It sounds like he is seeking the kind of input he needs. The important thing is it needs to be things he enjoys. - This reminds me I need or order DD a peanut ball.

Be careful with the ball, dd fell off and chipped her front tooth.

My heart. This is so interesting. My son has similar traits undiagnosed. My god I shield him from everything (his still young). I know one day he will want to reach out to different groups and have hobbies, but I know people will pick up on his venerability, how they deal with it shows more about them than him but it’s a worry. Well done for supporting him and communicating how he (should) behave and present himself. X

I’d also have a word with the coach. He/she needs to understand what they’re dealing with and be sensitive to DS’s needs. I used to kickbox for a long time and the coach was really encouraging to the… ahem… less proprioceptionarily gifted among the group. A good coach will get the best out of the raw material, whether that person is a budding Mohammed Ali or Mr Bean.

@AlisounOfBath I think i'll do that and speak to the coach.
I did try and tell ds that if he did in training what he showed us at home, then it was too much and next time he needs to do less and observe more. He got very upset. He said i don't understand and that the coach praised him.

I don't want to be giving him false confidence, but i don't want to break his enthusiasm either. He has not yet found many things he's good at and just bumbles along with his peers. It is super frustrating because his younger brother is NT, does well in school, lots of friends and naturally gifted in sports. Sometimes i feel that im not really equipped to deal with child like him. He was diagnosed only 2 years ago, and ive done so much damage all his life by not understanding what im dealing with. I cant believe i only just heard about proprioception!

Also, ive just sat through a bed time teenage/adhd meltdown and a whole day of both dc winding each other up and wondering if im even qualified for this job 😵‍💫

DSS at 16 suddenly has become coordinated. Up to now he was the complete opposite.

The most important qualification is that you care about him. Genuinely.

It's hard and there are always going to be things we don't know. Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great.

Have you found the SN Teens section yet OP? There should be some experienced MNers in there