Working parents

[virgo22]

I have recently gone back to work after having my now 11 month old and also have a 3 year old. My partner and I both work and it’s proving to be very difficult. Mt partner works on site in a physically demanding role, long long hours and pay is rubbish. I work 4 days and come out with more money than him.
does anyone have the one parent that just works while the children are young? Particularly where the woman (main breadwinner) works?

DS was at home for 8 years bringing up their three children. DiL is a real high flier so it made sense for them. The question is, would your partner be able to get back into employment. Also, it is quite lonely for a man to be a SAHP as they aren’t welcome at coffee mornings.

@Rocknrollstar i completely get that, to be fair or even an option of a job with less hours so that his body isn’t physically tired day after day and spending no time with the children . It’s so hard these days

How many hours are we talking?

I mean, financially it would make more sense for him to work pt and for you to work full-time.

Would you both be happier is the question?

@AliBaliBee1234 he left the house this morning at 6:30am and got back home 6pm tonight. Always comes out with 1,600 or less (not sure how this happens) or if even legal! But meant to be a 40 hour week.
I think we would both actually be happier if he was in a different job as we’d have more support from one another as my job is flexible

I changed jobs and worked part time after DP finished maternity leave and went back to work.

We split the bills 50/50, my part time wage covered my share and I did some freelance work for "spending money". We couldn't have done stuff like days out without DP contributing more than me though. We didn't really make any big purchases in this time either.

We did this for around 14 months until I got a job offer I couldn't really turn down. I loved the time I got to spend with DC, and the part time job I had, but with the freelance work growing legs I was spinning too many plates.

We didn't do any parent and child groups, DC was already mixing with other kids when he was with the childminder on the days I worked. We'd still get out locally go to the beach, soft play, visit family etc.

@rustlerwaiter this is lovely to hear and I can imagine how much you really valued that time with your DC. They’re only little for so long aren’t they? I know they say money can’t buy happiness anyway but If my DP was earning an amazing amount of money whilst always working then it could be justified.
I think it’s about definitely budgeting and not over spending so we are going to sit down together and go through this.
our DC is already in nursery so would still go on some days, and we have lots of children in our family so socially I know he’d be ok!

Oh absolutely tell him to look elsewhere. A minimum wage 37 hour job would be approx £1960 a month pre tax. Could probably get an early shift and be home early afternoon! My husband does 6am-2pm and it's such a help.

@AliBaliBee1234 that would be ideal for him as he’s always up early anyway. What job does your husband do out of interest?

He's a transport manager, but most of the team start early/finish early. Maybe try the logistics industry. Jobs in the warehouse, driving etc.

I was the breadwinner but with one and only child it was the only chance I would get to be the Mum I was desperate to be.

So I went pt for the first few years, DH on a good wage and he gets to wfh mostly so it worked out well for us.

He knew how much it meant to me and he still got to spend to a lot of time with our DC. Otherwise it would've meant me being out of the house every day from 7am til 5.30pm and often later, which I didn't want to do. So glad I had that time taking to playgroups, days out etc during my 2 days off a week. Xxx

Not exactly the same but we are friends with a couple where the father works 2 days a week in a low waged job, mostly from home, and the mother works FT out of the home in a middle earning job. And it's quite a demanding role as often involves travelling to other cities in the region, and a few times a year travel abroad or to other parts of the country staying for a few nights at a time etc. They have two children aged 8 and under but they've had that working pattern ever since the mum went back to work after 12 months of mat leave with the first child. It works for them, their youngest is about to start school so the dad is having a think about whether to increase his hours or not etc but isn't in a rush to.

Yes it's really tough

Childcare needs to change

Not sure show parents are supposed to work for nine weeks whilst the kids are off really

We live abroad (9 weeks summer hols) and all I can say is thank god DH and I both WFH, and thank God for day camps (which are expensive, but that's a different issue)