Does anyone else HATE the newborn stage?

[Broken7337]

First time mum, after trying for 10 years now have 8 week old DD.

this is not what I expected.

I feel like a prisoner on a constant carousel of feeding (which is a battle in itself) winding (another battle) changing and then sleeping. Rinse and repeat.

the above I expected, but I didn’t think I’d hate it so much that I’d want my old life back

now and again she’ll flash a smile which is beautiful but she’s so miserable in between it’s exhausting and draining. I’m exhausted and it’s making me miserable.

I can’t wait for her to get a bit older so she’s at least more interactive

is this normal? I’m not depressed before anyone asks

It’s completely normal. Sleep deprivation and being a new mum isn’t easy. My firstborn was a difficult crying baby. I didn’t enjoy the early weeks but it will get better. It seems an eternity whilst you are going through it, but it really is a short time. My son grew up into a wonderful young man who is now a primary schoolteacher . So proud to be his mum.
You will get through this demanding time and enjoy your baby.

I definitely felt like that.

Kids are all teens now and I still remember it clearly.

I know it's what everyone says, but getting out with the baby helped me feel less imprisoned even though you are obviously so limited in many ways.

Meeting someone for a coffee and walk was easier for me than sitting in a cafe.
Parent and baby screenings at the cinema.
Post natal yoga class.
Walk around the shops.
Walk around a gallery/museum.

Every age has its own challenges, but you're not alone in finding the tiny baby stage really hard.

Also hard for you as your baby is here after many years of trying.

Try to be kind to yourself, you're allowed to not enjoy it.

It is hard but personally I really loved it. There's no other time in your life where all you're expected to do is sit and cuddle your baby and I totally embraced that. I found it way easier than I'm finding the threenager stage and I say that as a mum of a baby who had a lot of digestive issues.

Having said that, if you don't have a decent supportive partner or you don't make an effort to get ready and go out and about at least a few days a week then it probably does feel relentless. I'd say try and make sure you get out for walks most days.

Absolutely hated it.

It wasn't until 8-9 month after antidepressants & therapy for PND things started getting better.

Took until well over a year before I started to enjoy things. Even now at 18 months I still have days when it just feels too much, but they are few and far between these days.

So that's to say, it does get easier. Gradually you start to get some of you back.

I went back to work at 6 months as I needed time away, we did shared parental leave, so dad stayed home with baby for another 3 months (& me to some extent as I wfh). This really helped me.

I feel awful now I wished those days away and have very little memory from the first 4/5 months. So even if you're hating it, try and capture moments on video each day as I wish I had more happy moments I could look back on when you're out the other side.

Totally normal. I tried for my DS for years and when he came along I felt like I'd been sold a lie about parenthood! I thought, 'why does nobody tell you how shit this is?' But like everyone says, it does get easier and better. You're in the trenches right now. Try to take each hour as it comes. Congratulations btw :) you're doing fab x

I think it depends what baby you get.

Mine just screamed constantly for four months. The only way they slept was if I was walking with them in a carrier. It was pretty awful.

I knew other people who had babies that slept through from three weeks and could wheel them around silently in a pram, or they’d nap in their cot.

I also found breastfeeding really restrictive in my ability to get my body back / actually go and do anything.

Yes, I did. It was hard work, tiring, and frankly not very rewarding, and nothing like the ‘mother and baby’ magazines pictures, where you had glossy mums with their gorgeous babies, looking serene and ethereal (no internet in my day).

It lasts for such a short time, that baby smell, that first smile, those big eyes looking up as you feed them. Yabu.

This.

Definitely normal don’t worry, the first weeks are so hard. I found 3 months a turning point with both mine - they take more each feed by then and go a bit longer in between, and they start being more smiley and interested in their surroundings and little toys like play mats can entertain them for a bit.
Personally I prefer the older child phase too, like 4-8 kind of age. It doesn’t mean I love them less or aren’t a good mum.
Hang on in there it will definitely get better !

This is not AIBU! OP is only describing her experience and her feelings. They're every bit as valid as yours, and she's not the only one to feel like this, no matter how badly wanted and deeply loved the baby is. We're not all the same, you know.

I hated it on my first. I was very young, though. I had two more later on and absolutely adored those first few months.

I also have an 8 week old DC and felt like you described at the start.

It massively helped me getting out and about - even during the cluster feeding breastfeeding stage I packed up the car and drove to the park, went for a walk and did the next feed sat in the cafe watching the world go by, then home before the next feed. I’ve also been putting some of my maternity clothes on Vinted - just to give a reason to get out and go for a walk to post the parcel.

Getting out definitely helps. Try and plan 1 thing to do a day - even if it’s an errand, or a walk around the bloc.

Everyone’s different and prefer different stages and dislike certain bits more. I personally loved the newborn bubble as relentless as it is I kind of sunk into it. But found it harder to cope with an older baby. Loved it again from around 16m plus. But someone else could have a very different experience. My friend for example hated the newborn stage but it improved for her every month.

I hated the early newborn days. I used to wonder “why have I done this, I had a lovely life!”. Feel like I came to enjoy it more about 7-8 months in as we decided to gently transition away from 100% contact naps, so I some free time for a few hours a day and also the baby used to love being sat up in the pram and watching out. We could go for walks, coffee etc without her wanting to get out the pram.
The only advice I can say in hindsight is that you have to give into the chaos, if all you do all day is sit and cuddle/feed the baby then that’s just how it is.
Try and lean on as much help as you can, I found it easier for my mum or whichever visitor to come to me and mind the baby, whilst I got ready and then we would go out for the day.

I don't think it's fair to say she's being unreasonable. This is her lived experience of the newborn stage, nobody else's.

This! Thank you. As someone who had a cmpa and reflux baby who is now 18 months I wouldn't have found this posters comment helpful at all so thanks for your post to counteract this ❤️

It's really hard when you're in it. But it really is true that the days are long but the years are short. This time won't last forever and you'll look back fondly. There will be other challenges later so try to make the most of the fact she's currently easily portable, and spends a fair bit of time asleep.

Go out for a walk with her in a sling, meet friends, eat out (we had an anniversary meal in a restaurant with a 1 month old, she slept in the pram throughout.)

Equally embrace being 'allowed' to sit on the sofa feeding and cuddling all day. I watched all 15 series of ER when my eldest was newborn. She cried if I put her down so I let her sleep in my arms most of the time. If you have a second one it's completely different because you are running around after the older one a day so make the most of the peace if the first(or only) child.

Did yours scream for 6-8 hours a day thought including from 6-9pm every night?

I think a lot of people go into having a baby with no idea what it’s like to have a baby. So they are very shocked. It’s likely tv and films fault for showing it as very easy. So people expect it to be lovely and fun.

i personally enjoy the newborn stage but i know it’s also tough

I can promise theirs didn’t or they wanted have that outlook.

Tbh op has asked for opinions and this person has given one. It’s attacking or vicious or anything?

I’m not a mum, but my sister-in-law who I’m very close to is a first time Mum and has a six month old. All she says is she can’t wait until he’s a bit older and doesn’t need to be held so much and has a bit more independence.

Snap. Mine screamed endlessly (turned out he was ill but we had no way of knowing that in the beginning) and I spent the days clock watching for DH to come home and take over.

I ended up going back to work when he was 3 months old just for a break. Things definitely improved by around 6 months though.

I know you say you’re not depressed @Broken7337 but just keep an eye out for it. PND isn’t like “ordinary” depression and it can creep up on you (or smack you round the head with a brick).