To start off, my partner is a great Daddy. He's definitely more of the fun parent but we have joint responsibility. My DC is 2.7 and in the next week we will be welcoming baby number 2. Dad has had to probably do a little more than myself given the circumstances in the past 3/4 months. However, I'm now finding myself correcting his parenting if that makes sense. I'm definitely stern but will still offer lots of cuddles and love and once the environment is calm will speak to DC about what happened and usually it blows over. Not saying I'm perfect as I've lost it on occasion with her but I'm very aware that she's a person with wants and needs and treat that with respect where safe. My partner isn't angry or anything but he just argues with her constantly. It could be bed time, 3 am in the morning he will speak at her. I agree with him she has a good understanding but that doesn't mean when she's upset about something she's listening or processing what we say like an adult and I feel he expects too much.
I usually have to intervene to calm things down after a while and sometimes it makes it worse and sometimes it takes time to calm her which most of the time he sees as a threat and won't let me do it. I've spoken to him about giving in and not setting boundaries and he turned it and said it's actually myself who gives in. For example, we go to the park and she wants to bring baby and her pram, this is fine with me, she got these toys for that very reason. He will say no and it all kicks off and I don't understand why he says no. Another thing is bedtime snacks. He refuses them and I will allow her to have one as dinner isn't her best meal and he also sees this as giving in. Yet, I can get her to sleep on her own, she will go back to bed for me if she gets unsettled in the night and she will generally follow my instructions day to day when I'm on my own with her. When Daddy does bet time it's a batlle, he ends up sleeping on her floor and then in the middle of the night will have to leave his bed to sleep on the floor with her.
Last night I done bedtime, she played up a little which ended in no bed time story as it was just to late. DC accepted this, went to sleep calm and happy on her own and slept until 5am which is too early for her but I needed a lay in so partner got up and again, no boundaries, let her get up and she winged the whole morning so she's now back to sleep at 8am and he's gone to work. Leaving me again with the aftermath of his parenting.
He very much gets scared of her crying and will go "okay okay" and give in. He will also use empty threats such as no park etc. I'm fed up with trying to talk to him and taking the blame and also picking up the pieces. Im aware she has him wrapped around her finger which would be fine only it's really affecting her and leaves me in a difficult position when we are home.
I text him and said she's gone back to sleep but no more 5am wake ups please you need to set boundaries and even if she doesn't go back to sleep she needs to stay in her room until 6am. She always falls back to sleep for an hour when I do this even if she protests.
Again, I'm not perfect and there are many things he can manage better than me but we're struggling with being on the same page with reasonable boundaries for her age. I mean it's clear now she doesn't listen to him and he can't see it's not working also it's turning myself and himself against each other. I can't do it alone either but I'm finding I'm taking over more and more to just have some consistency. Thanks if you made it this far!