You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child

[jujiju]

This is so true, isn’t it? My eldest child is like a magnet and makes and keeps friends so easily.
Youngest not so much. I feel so bad for her, she’s bored and lonely over the holidays. When she’s happy and socialising, my heart sings. When she’s like this it really gets me down. How can I help her?

Yes hold tight. Girls are not especially nice at that age and friendships often chop and change. Some girls are obviously popular and it's easy, but I'd say a good majority are insecure.

By year 10 (ie age 14-15) things get a LOT better.

I'd just keep an eye on her and nurture and enjoy the "friendship" with yourself.

I think the saying is true, one of my children went through an awful time last year and it took a real toll. He was a boy, bullied by older boys. I’ll admit that I hate the underlying tone in this thread about bitchy girls. I have 2 of each. My boys have had more peer issues than my girls, but admittedly my eldest daughter has very good social skills. She has navigated her social world easily, and has had lovely and solid friendships. She changed schools for high school and has also settled in with lovely friends, and the school has commented that she can work well with anyone. My eldest son probably isn’t as socially skilled, so he has had more difficulty navigating the occasional upheaval.

i really do think moving away from the narrative of girls being bitchy is important.

Yes or even calling girls a bitch.

I'm not sure. I encouraged them to consider other people's feelings as they grew up and they seemed to gravitate to kids who are kind. There were definitely mean kids in dd1's primary school class, but she hung out with the nice ones.
At secondary school (the local comp) they were both able to find big groups of kids that didn't have dramas and constant falling out and meanness.

i could have written this. My 15yo is always doing something with a group of friends, off out here there and everywhere. And my youngest will talk to anyone that’s sounds still long enough. But my 12yo DD always seems to struggle with friends. After a ropey few first months at high school she found a lovely little group and now that’s recently gone to bits and I’m really struggling with not knowing how to fix it/help, I find myself constantly thinking about ways to help her and cheer her up 😢

24 hours later, my DD is happy because she’s made plans with a couple of friends. So I feel ok again that she’s ok. Parenting is utterly nuts.

I think this is basically true. In all families no child is the same as their siblings.

Never a truer word.

Completely the same here regarding my mum which has led to me being particularly sensitive to DDs feelings and state of mind. My eldest Dd also struggled throughout school with friends but she found her tribe in 6th form when she moved school. So hang in there, hopefully similar will happen for you.