You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child

[jujiju]

This is so true, isn’t it? My eldest child is like a magnet and makes and keeps friends so easily.
Youngest not so much. I feel so bad for her, she’s bored and lonely over the holidays. When she’s happy and socialising, my heart sings. When she’s like this it really gets me down. How can I help her?

I’m sorry it’s the same for you. I’m enjoying her company and having some time together but when I’m working I feel so bad if she doesn’t have plans.
Kids don’t need to be entertained all the time, right? She’ll find her people won’t she? Girls can be so hard! Boys seem to have huge groups of friends and no drama. Girls - the exact opposite.

Yep, this is my experience and mine are adults.

I agree with your thread title. Not that all girls are difficult and have dramas though. Does your dd tend to get into dramas a lot then?

Where exactly does OP mention her DD is involved in dramas?

She didn’t until another girl caused drama with her. From then on she’s been really cautious about girls in general. I’ve noticed she tends to latch on to a new friend very quickly, then it fizzles out and she’s on to the next one. I don’t like the pattern, I feel it’s unhealthy.

Girls can be so hard! Boys seem to have huge groups of friends and no drama. Girls - the exact opposite.

I wouldn’t say she causes the dramas on her own - but it’s a feature of girls’ friendships, I’ve noticed. Break ups, make ups, she said this, she said that etc.

Gosh my boy is exhausting and my girl a piece of cake.

That’s so interesting - in what way is he exhausting? I’m just curious. Obviously everyone is different and not all girls have drama.

Yes, it's true. I suspect my mother would say that in her eighties she still frets about her middle aged daughters, and I'm only able to be really happy when I know that all my adult children are OK.

It isn't with all girls' friendships. Mine are 18 and 20 now and didn't have all that. I hope your dd is able to find some nicer girls or boys to hang out with. Don't believe the stereotype that all girls are drama queens who are constantly falling out as otherwise it'll seem like a hopeless situation.

Yes, I was quoting the OP

My mum has no idea how happy I was or am. I don’t think my emotions affect her at all. I know this is not the point of the thread but you all sound like lovely mums

I agree with everything, @jujiju...

I totally relate OP!
My eldest who is 8 struggles socially. He's a lovely, kind, interesting boy... but he just hasn't clicked with anyone particularly at school and I know it's starting to bother him.
I am SO happy when I hear or see him with a little friend. I just wish he could find someone who will be his friend consistently :(

How old is she OP?

I think 11-13 are the worst years for friendship problems.

This is interesting and I am the same with my own mum. She is emotionally disconnected to me. It’s so sad. I think the reason it hurts me so much when my DD is lonely is because of my own relationship with my mum therefore I try to overcompensate. Do you have a DD?

Your post is very encouraging! May I ask (sorry if it's too personal) how did you prepare your daughters to avoid toxic friendships?
I ask because I am one of those who finds female social relationships a nightmare (based on my experience) and I'm honestly dreading my daughters older years at school... 😬
Any tips? 😅

Such a true saying.

I have this dark cloud over me when I know my adult children are struggling😟

I don’t have children of my own but have children in my life iyswim. I think I’m quite attuned to their emotions, or at least I try to be. Their emotions come before my own. I do see the contrast in that and my parents’ approach.
I wish your daughter well in finding her tribe.

She’s bang on in the middle of that…I’ll hold tight. I hope it improves soon.

Thank you. You sound very empathetic and when you’re built that way it’s impossible to switch off those feelings.

Is she actually unhappy though? I have two teen/tween boys. One
of my DCs is very happy with occasional friendship meets. He has a small (but longtime) group of friends and loosely makes new friends via school but doesn’t hangout with them. I think social events burn him out and then he likes to have a few days alone. I do hate to see him cooped-up all day and do encourage him to go out (but don’t want to make him feel like his choices are wrong and he is billy-no-mates). However he seems happy and I annoy check in with him often. He likes his own company. Other DC is opposite, very chatty and sociable, loves to meet up with friends and make new friends. Will follow me around the house chatting every minute of the day if he hasn’t had a social fix!

This saying is so true. It blights my life.