My daughter had a UTI at 3 weeks old. It was absolutely traumatic, i felt helpless, guilty and like the world was ending. It sent me into depression, anxiety with terrible intrusive thoughts. Its been 2 years now and im still hating the situation ever happened. I blame myself and feel like my whole time with my precious newborn baby was ruined. She was absolutely fine. I caught so early there has been no long term effects.
I just find myself always thinking about it and the shoulda coulda wouldas of it all. That day in A&E was the worst day of my life. She had to have the spinal check thing, and then had to have antibiotics every day for 10 days. Injected. And had a canula, they struggled to find a vein and that was traumatic in itself. I am writing this to maybe help me get it out of my constant thoughts.
I always get jealous when someone has a baby girl, just because they didnt have to go through that. Ridiculous isnt it. I know i am being stupid. I just wish i could go back in time. Did i not clean her properly, i was scared to hurt her or be invasive, or did i leave her in a dirty nappy too long. I hated the idea of using a public changing room with her that little. I dont know. I just hate myself and wish i could go back and do everything again, knowing what i know now.
I guess im posting this for other parents who have had similar situations and can relate.
I appreciate how lucky i am that is happy and healthy, i just feel so stuck in this past and wonder if i will ever get over it.