11 month old starting nursery, I can’t shake off mum guilt.

[Tinydancer35]

Hi All,

My little one is starting nursery and I feel so guilty. The plan is to put her 4x a week, but the closer it’s coming the more I’m thinking to drop down to 3 or 2 days. Financially we could afford to do less days, but I would prefer to stay in job market rather than be SAHM.

Recently, I keep seeing posts about how bad nurseries are for such young kids and a lot of nursery staff say they wouldn’t send their kids so young to nurseries.
Are nurseries really that bad and will negatively affect my child?
Can anyone share their experiences?
I feel so anxious and horrible that my little child be dropped off for some strangers to look after them, who will most likely will do bare minimum for them.

Start them and see how they go. Most seem to enjoy it and it’s very good for them to socialise. I felt the guilt a lot to start with but it got easier when she happily started going in

My daughter went at 11 months because I had to work. She really thrived at childminder, and the little baby girl she went with is best friend 18 yrs later!

She was fine. Honestly!

But I missed out on so much. Reading the daily updates I kept thinking I wish I was with her! Then she was at school and time went by so fast!

I would do anything to have had more of that early year time with her.

I think 3 days is a good balance

Genuinely think our nursery is fab. Fairly small and have a really low turnover of staff so feel like they do really know my DC. Both had the same key workers in baby and then toddler room. Eldest is totally thriving at school and feel he was really well equipped by nursery.

Enjoy my job and had a promotion since going back after DC2. 100% the best choice for us.

Appreciate it’s not the same for everyone, but you don’t always hear the good.

OP, why do you feel guilty about giving your child a wonderful opportunity to learn, develop and mix with other children? It sounds wonderful for her.

My little boy was a couple of months older when he started, he was 13 months and pretty much from the beginning he absolutely loved it! He gets way more opportunity to socialise with other children than he did when he was at home with me full time and he adores playing with the other little ones. His nursery has access to so many more sensory activities than I do at home, and they’re designed for constant messy/wet play and have a million toys everywhere to keep him busy. He has access to a massive variety of meals whilst he’s there and he’s come on leaps and bounds with his speech and movement as well. His little face breaks into the biggest smile when he gets there and the staff are wonderful and keep me very in the loop, I was exactly the same as you when he started, I cried uncontrollably during the days leading up to him starting and I even wrote my own thread about it because I was so upset and didn’t know if it was normal or not. Honestly try and see the benefits and just reserve any judgement until your little one starts. If the staff at yours are anything like mine they’ll be totally fine with you ringing and checking in which was a massive weight off my mind in the first few weeks. I hope it all goes well!

I felt the guilt at leaving them really intensely at similar age to yours. But a few years down the line, I see how much we all benefitted from nursery - kids for the social connection and experiences they just don't get at home, getting used to other adults (we don't have family nearby). Me for continuing my career which, whilst it was so hard at the time, I am now very glad to have persisted with as it brings me challenge and stimulation and both the financial and mental reward.

Be gentle with yourself, the guilt is real, but nursery can also bring them on in ways they won't necessarily learn at home.

My DS started this week at 10 months, 3 full days. I’ve made my peace with it based on the fact that he’s with us more than at nursery, and he seems to be getting settled there already (it’s a lovely nursery, we’re spending a bit more than we necessarily had to for our first choice). He’s the youngest in the baby room at the moment but there’s a transition coming up in the next month or two and there’ll be more his age then. I’m going to work every Sunday to facilitate it, luckily possible in my job, and when we move shortly it’ll be to a more modest property than we could afford if I was working full time, but we’re happy to make that compromise. Do whatever is best for YOUR family.

I understand the guilt. My little one went 5 days a week from 12 months. Im in a job where I can't cut down days, and wanted another child with a fairly short gap. I really do think it varies child to child but mine has absolutely thrived. She really really loves it, gets excited to go in the morning (she's now 2) and it hasn't impacted our bond at all.
Do I still feel guilt about the amount of time she's there? Yes. I found as soon as I let go of the guilt based on what other people thought, my guilt for my child lessened.
As a pp said - do what is best for your family now.

Mine started at much younger than 11 months and for 5 full days too. I don't feel guilty at all, they've thrived.

If you've picked a good nursery, they won't just do the bare minimum. They also don't stay strangers for very long.

My little boy now three has thrived at nursery. It took him a while to settle (he was 18m at the time) but he loves it and has so many friends, his speech and development has come on loads and they were incredibly helpful when we were potty training too!