Daughters best school friends

[Whatwouldyoudo88]

My daughter started reception last year not knowing anyone and has formed close friendships with 3 other girls whose mums were friends before school. Just my luck!

My kid keeps asking for play dates but I always see them all heading off together after school and it is clear they want to do their own thing with each other and their kids, barely any eye contact etc

I’ve arranged a play date with one of them once before but nothing was reciprocated later on.

Would you just encourage other friendships, or just put yourself out there and message the mums to arrange something?

My daughter has lots of different friends even though these are the “best ones”, so I could help those develop further, but I do feel like I’m failing her a little as she’s “missing out” on out of school time with her “best friends.”

Thoughts?

It's very early days! Sometimes those friendships where the kids are friends because the mums are don't work and it can be quite awkward. If it was me and you are happy to do playdates then see if there's someone else she gets along with and have them over. I've a bit of a similar situation in my son's class ...I had a couple of boys over who dont get many playdates either. They all had a great time. To my surprise the next day one of the boys who he is very friendly with but hadn't ever had him over immediately asked his mother for a playdate with him....I guess it was a bit of a competitive thing. But I would focus probably on other children because it's good to have lots of friends.

Thanks for the reply.

I do find it quite tricky if I’m honest. I feel guilty and it’s hard to not take it a bit personally, even though I doubt it is and they are, like I said, just friends.

My daughter has been invited to a couple of their birthdays which were small affairs with mainly just 4/5 kids, so these mums know that my daughter is part of their kids close knit circle, yet don’t invite her on their play dates.

It goes both ways of course, but it’s much harder for me as I’m the outsider!

I know it's so hard....these things do happen at schools....usually children tend to get along in the early couple of years and then their personalities come out a bit more. I think you are better off not being too close in the mum group in case the children stop getting along so well ...depending on what the mums are like they could take it personally and it could go badly wrong! It's a long game! It's good to be friends with lots of people and it's ok to be great friends with someone in the yard and have other playdate friends. If your daughter is happy try not to mind too much because that's the main thing!

Hi OP, I would keep messaging the mums to arrange play dates. Don't rely on them to reciprocate or to invite your DD along to their meet ups.
We had this situation where my DS wanted to spend time with another boy whose mum was nice but not super friendly and didn't get the hint about it being her turn. I thought that the main thing is my DS gets his play dates with his friend, so I ended up organising them all including 'He would love to come to your house. How's next Tuesday?'

I understand the feeling that you're being left out, I really do! But I think persist with organising the meet ups.

As someone else said, the friendship groups will change anyway.

Thanks. These girls do everything together it seems, it feels awkward arranging with just the 1 as then the others are excluded which may cause upset or hard feelings. I don’t want to make it worse!

What would you suggest?

I'd encourage other friendships. But if your DDs continue as friends, chances are that the other children will start mithering their mothers about having playdates with your DD and so they might become more open to it.