what’s intergenerational family really like?

[happyhermione]

Sorry - the title should read ‘what’s intergenerational family living really like’

I’m fascinated by this topic. Does anyone live intergenerationally? How does it all work out? Is it harmonious? Any tips for success?

A couple of my friends who are 2nd gen South Asian live with their in laws with great success and it all seems amazing, though I’m aware this isn’t always the case. We all have tiny children so I’m often so envious of all the support they get and lack of a mortgage! I’ve been reading a lot about alloparenting and this feels like the greatest life hack. But I suppose this is a tiny snapshot of our lives - is it less rosy in later years? What if you got an amazing job offer elsewhere? I don’t think I’d be chilled out enough to pull it off myself but would love to know more!

I’d ask my friends directly - and sometimes do - but don’t want them to know quite how nosy I am!

Oh and do the older women feel put upon? Having to do so much child rearing in their elder years? Or are they just used to it and aware it’s all reciprocal etc

Really hoping I get some responses!

I know a few people for whom this went disastrously wrong and only one family who make it work.
The secret seems to be having separate spaces, good boundaries and lots of respect. It seems absolutely amazing if you can do it.

I had my MIL live with us once she could no longer manage on her own until she passed away. I know that a lot of MN's would be appalled in a similar situation and say that I was set upon but I really wasn't. MIL and I have always got on well, she was a sweet soul. MIL loved the company and being closely involved with the DCs. If any of our DCs and their partners wanted to move back in we would love it, the house is so quiet now. I think for inter-generational living to work requires a generosity of spirit, tolerance, a pinch of honesty and a sense of humour.

Thanks for responding both!

@SpikeGilesSandwich that’s really interesting that you know more people for whom it’s gone wrong. My second generation Pakistani mate who loves living with her in-laws fits all your criteria and has plenty of space - both emotional and physical since their house is utterly capacious. Lots of respect (and lip biting) too! Probably helps they’re all gorgeous people. Sadly the lovely mother in law recently passed so I wonder whether it’ll be more challenging for her now with less childcare help/more cooking to do.

Kudos to you @Copernicus321! That sounds so lovely! What a beautiful thing to do. I love my MIL lots so I’m not horrified but definitely impressed. Interestingly I have more mates who say they’d live with their MILs than mums. Maybe it helps because you don’t revert back to childhood roles like with your own mum

I think you are right about MILs, I think they can be easier than mothers as there are no childhood tensions or roles to hark back to. I couldn't have had my mother live with us, I would have moved out. Perhaps that's why with Asian families its more usual for the mother to live with their sons family. DP was very well behaved with his mother living with us. MIL was my secret weapon. 😀