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Original poster

Should I get child to apologise

51 replies

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 00:33

My child (age 6) got in a lot of trouble with another parent recently in a playground. The playground is new beside school and it was only the second time I have been there. I couldn't see as I was watching my toddler and there was a structure in the way but apparently he threw a stick and the woman's child fell over it. She shouted at him very angrily and pointed in the direction of the park exit that leads to the road and he ran that way but thankfully hid in some bushes. I apologised, offered tissues (although the child was not crying or hurt). The woman left, I hadn't realised that my child had run in the direction she was pointing but I did end up finding him in the bushes. He was very scared. Someone afterwards told me in the playground that as she was leaving she said it wasn't the first time and that my son had thrown stones at her toddler (I don't know). Usually I am watching him closely unless I have to chase my toddler. I've never seen him do something like that and I was surprised to hear it. A lot of boys do play with sticks near the school but I haven't seen stones being thrown. When I asked him he said they been playing a game throwing stones on a different day but when the toddler came near they stopped. I don't know whether to believe him or not or whether what she said is correct. She has a child in a different class and I see her at school all the time but I don't know her. Because she left and my child was so upset I didn't get a chance to get him to apologise. At the time I was also very stressed because she had been gesturing towards the road exit and he ran that way....he told me several days later that all she had been shouting was go away and go to your mother but he ran the direction she was pointing - dangerous as he is fast at running. My question is whether to get him to apologise to her/her son when we see them again or just leave it. It is more the stone throwing thing I am concerned about now but I have no idea what to believe about that. The only time a parent ever came up to me in a playground previously about my son's behaviour was years ago and then in fact had been looking at their phone but believed what their child told them....I had been beside the incident and it wasn't my son's fault and the other child was lying but their parents believed them....this time I didn't see either incident properly and am going on the woman's word...my son was very scared by the shouting and I have not been able to get a coherent story out of him. So I don't know whether to get him to apologise - if the stone throwing thing is true that is awful and I feel strongly he should apologise but he seems confused and I don't know when it happened or if it did. I wrote another thread about this but it got nasty and now with new info I am asking again for advice.

OP posts:
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lunar1 · 09/04/2025 13:57

Leave it with this mum now, it’s done. But your children don’t have an age gap that’s compatible with the park right now so you need to stop taking them until you can supervise, for everyone’s sake.

Growlybear83 · 09/04/2025 14:05

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 12:21

They didn't all say the same thing though...it was pretty conflicting....most threads I read on mumsnet seem to fill up with unpleasant comments. If someone can't write in a civil way why bother post on someone else's thread, it just clogs up the comments and haven't these people more to be doing with their days.

Show quote history

I didn’t see any comments on your previous thread that were not civil or which were unpleasant. You asked for people’s opinions, which you got. You are now asking for opinions again, with a slightly changed story and presumably you are going to like some comments and not others.

I have also not seen any unpleasant or rude comments on this thread.

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 14:06

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 13:05

Thanks for the correction re age but I find it strange that you took so much time to proof read and also count my number of posts. Most of which were responding to people who were being unpleasant. There's no need for people to speak so harshly. They do it on almost every thread and I think they need to be called out on it. A more polite thing to say would have been I think you have made a typo in one of your posts about your child's age. 'why has your child gone back in time' is nasty snarky and clearly an attempt to be nasty.

Edited
Show quote history

I didn’t see the last post but is it true that you said:
*that you made other children cry by disciplining them and
*that you didn’t know if the woman shouted but now you are saying she did.
*And that you said your child was 7 but now you are saying he is 6.
*and that she was a queen bee or something negative.

it’s all very confusing as you are calling people rude and nasty when they flag up the discrepancies. And suggesting the posters who check are in the wrong.

but to a casual observer like me, you seem to have changed many ‘facts’ perhaps to get responses you prefer. I’m not sure why else you would have changed so much.

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springbringshope · 09/04/2025 14:08

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 09:33

I cannot get over the cruelty of people on the internet.

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Nothing about this post is cruel. It’s fact checking because it is weird to change the story. You have said it’s important to call people out.
well quite

Terrribletwos · 09/04/2025 14:10

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 00:33

My child (age 6) got in a lot of trouble with another parent recently in a playground. The playground is new beside school and it was only the second time I have been there. I couldn't see as I was watching my toddler and there was a structure in the way but apparently he threw a stick and the woman's child fell over it. She shouted at him very angrily and pointed in the direction of the park exit that leads to the road and he ran that way but thankfully hid in some bushes. I apologised, offered tissues (although the child was not crying or hurt). The woman left, I hadn't realised that my child had run in the direction she was pointing but I did end up finding him in the bushes. He was very scared. Someone afterwards told me in the playground that as she was leaving she said it wasn't the first time and that my son had thrown stones at her toddler (I don't know). Usually I am watching him closely unless I have to chase my toddler. I've never seen him do something like that and I was surprised to hear it. A lot of boys do play with sticks near the school but I haven't seen stones being thrown. When I asked him he said they been playing a game throwing stones on a different day but when the toddler came near they stopped. I don't know whether to believe him or not or whether what she said is correct. She has a child in a different class and I see her at school all the time but I don't know her. Because she left and my child was so upset I didn't get a chance to get him to apologise. At the time I was also very stressed because she had been gesturing towards the road exit and he ran that way....he told me several days later that all she had been shouting was go away and go to your mother but he ran the direction she was pointing - dangerous as he is fast at running. My question is whether to get him to apologise to her/her son when we see them again or just leave it. It is more the stone throwing thing I am concerned about now but I have no idea what to believe about that. The only time a parent ever came up to me in a playground previously about my son's behaviour was years ago and then in fact had been looking at their phone but believed what their child told them....I had been beside the incident and it wasn't my son's fault and the other child was lying but their parents believed them....this time I didn't see either incident properly and am going on the woman's word...my son was very scared by the shouting and I have not been able to get a coherent story out of him. So I don't know whether to get him to apologise - if the stone throwing thing is true that is awful and I feel strongly he should apologise but he seems confused and I don't know when it happened or if it did. I wrote another thread about this but it got nasty and now with new info I am asking again for advice.

You posted about this before.

purplecorkheart · 09/04/2025 14:16

No I would not make the child say sorry to this woman. I would explain about not throwing things. I would also explain if he wants to go to the playground he has to stay near you in the section where you can see him. Otherwise you may need to give the playground a miss.

Hollyhobbi · 09/04/2025 14:23

NeedSomeComfy · 09/04/2025 04:50

I would say the story is too confused for you to do anything. You only heard about her apparent stone throwing comment second hand, and your son denies it. You also say that it's not typical behaviour for him. In this case I would have a chat with him to make sure he knows that throwing sticks and stones in a playground is dangerous, and leave it at that. I don't like the idea of your generally good kid being disbelieved and made to apologise for something he may not have done, based on hearsay.
All you can do is try to keep a closer eye in the future.

Her son did say they were throwing stones another day?

LePetitMaman · 09/04/2025 16:27

Growlybear83 · 09/04/2025 14:05

I didn’t see any comments on your previous thread that were not civil or which were unpleasant. You asked for people’s opinions, which you got. You are now asking for opinions again, with a slightly changed story and presumably you are going to like some comments and not others.

I have also not seen any unpleasant or rude comments on this thread.

Show quote history

There aren't any.

To put it in a nutshell, OP can't keep her story straight and tells anyone who says "hang on, that's not what the story was before" that they are the worst people, cruel, unkind, nasty.

I wonder if this is how she is in real life. Would explain a lot of the issue in her (and her childrens') unfortunate social encounters.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:32

pinkcow123 · 09/04/2025 09:20

I mean I know he shouldn't be throwing sticks or stones.
But with the stick and the most recent incident, that he hasn't denied, it doesn't sound like he threw the stick deliberately at the child?
It sounds as though he threw it and the child fell over it? From what you have described?

The stones throwing sounds as if it was historic?

Either way, I think you are overthinking this and I am sure that the parent / child have forgotten it by now!

Thanks yes stick throwing was not to hurt, it was some kind of game that apparently another boy was also involved in. The stone throwing was def historic...I have no idea when it happened and it was mentioned to me by another woman who didn't see it either. But as a possible explanation as to why the woman go so cross. Thanks for your reply.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:33

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 14:08

Nothing about this post is cruel. It’s fact checking because it is weird to change the story. You have said it’s important to call people out.
well quite

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Call people out for being rude sarcastic nasty unkind etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:37

LePetitMaman · 09/04/2025 16:27

There aren't any.

To put it in a nutshell, OP can't keep her story straight and tells anyone who says "hang on, that's not what the story was before" that they are the worst people, cruel, unkind, nasty.

I wonder if this is how she is in real life. Would explain a lot of the issue in her (and her childrens') unfortunate social encounters.

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That is not it in a nutshell. Have you nothing better to be doing with your day.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:41

Hollyhobbi · 09/04/2025 14:23

Her son did say they were throwing stones another day?

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But not at anyone and they stopped when the baby came over.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:50

purplecorkheart · 09/04/2025 14:16

No I would not make the child say sorry to this woman. I would explain about not throwing things. I would also explain if he wants to go to the playground he has to stay near you in the section where you can see him. Otherwise you may need to give the playground a miss.

Thanks yes I have talked to him a lot about this. I brought him again today....I had been avoiding but his friends were there and several parents had come to me and said they didn't think I should be avoiding the park just because of the other woman's behaviour (they saw the incident). They said she was inappropriate and didn't think it was acceptable to do that for something so minor. He was very good and well behaved. But as I was there I saw several little boys throwing wood chips at a group of other kids for at least 20 mins....the other kids were asking them to stop. Their mothers were only a few meters away and didn't reprimand them once. I warned him to keep away from it. Easy for people to judge me (I don't mean you). And yet these little boys are often around doing these things and not being told off.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:52

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 14:06

I didn’t see the last post but is it true that you said:
*that you made other children cry by disciplining them and
*that you didn’t know if the woman shouted but now you are saying she did.
*And that you said your child was 7 but now you are saying he is 6.
*and that she was a queen bee or something negative.

it’s all very confusing as you are calling people rude and nasty when they flag up the discrepancies. And suggesting the posters who check are in the wrong.

but to a casual observer like me, you seem to have changed many ‘facts’ perhaps to get responses you prefer. I’m not sure why else you would have changed so much.

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I don't know where this queen bee thing has come from. It's not something I said.

OP posts:
springbringshope · 09/04/2025 18:04

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:33

Call people out for being rude sarcastic nasty unkind etc.

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But people can’t call YOU out for changing your story? Is that what you think? You don’t get to decide what should and what shouldn’t be called out on MN

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 18:06

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:52

I don't know where this queen bee thing has come from. It's not something I said.

Show quote history

so can we take it that you did change all the other facts listed then?

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 18:19

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 18:04

But people can’t call YOU out for changing your story? Is that what you think? You don’t get to decide what should and what shouldn’t be called out on MN

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I didn't decide anything. I get to reply to comments with my opinion on the thread I created. It is my thread after all. I just wish some of the comments were phrased in a more respectful manner and actually answered the query I had. Do and say what you want but I feel some of these comments are pretty unnecessarily judgemental.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 18:24

springbringshope · 09/04/2025 18:06

so can we take it that you did change all the other facts listed then?

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I already thanked you for noticing my typo. As I said already it was his birthday recently and I would think normal enough to accidentally put the wrong age for a couple of weeks afterwards...it seems so irrelevant anyway....I've had to say this twice now and I think you sticking the word queen bee in and saying that I said it or something similar would indicate you don't know the facts yourself. So I'm not sure why you'd make a list like that and claim you're fact checking when it seems you're not being particularly thorough yourself and I don't know why you're bothering.

OP posts:
Nameftgigb · 09/04/2025 18:32

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 17:37

That is not it in a nutshell. Have you nothing better to be doing with your day.

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Have you nothing better to do than obsess about this, write multiple threads and nasty responses for an entire week over this? Just be a parent and watch your kid

WhatNoRaisins · 09/04/2025 18:56

Personally I would just focus on teaching your DS that you don't throw sticks or stones ever, while it's good that he knew to stop when the toddler came over it's still quite a risky thing to do. Even if it's just a game or he knows when to stop the other adults don't know this and it may alarm them.

I don't think that this other woman was wrong for telling him off or telling him not to throw sticks. She shouldn't have told him where to go, that was inappropriate and due to her behaviour I wouldn't get your son to apologise to her.

Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 19:01

Nameftgigb · 09/04/2025 18:32

Have you nothing better to do than obsess about this, write multiple threads and nasty responses for an entire week over this? Just be a parent and watch your kid

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It's my thread. I don't know why you keep replying if you don't want to be involved

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 19:06

WhatNoRaisins · 09/04/2025 18:56

Personally I would just focus on teaching your DS that you don't throw sticks or stones ever, while it's good that he knew to stop when the toddler came over it's still quite a risky thing to do. Even if it's just a game or he knows when to stop the other adults don't know this and it may alarm them.

I don't think that this other woman was wrong for telling him off or telling him not to throw sticks. She shouldn't have told him where to go, that was inappropriate and due to her behaviour I wouldn't get your son to apologise to her.

Thanks so much

OP posts:
Original poster
TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 20:06

RockyRogue1001 · 09/04/2025 12:27

I did.
But people were supporting you on your original thread and if you reply on there they'll get a notification.
If you start a new thread they might not see it is all

Thanks I don't think there were a lot of supporters there though. Seems to be a discrepancy between mumsnet posters and those in real life as several people who saw it have come over to me and said they thought it was inappropriately handled by the other parent.

OP posts:
springbringshope · 09/04/2025 20:18

TheBrightBear · 09/04/2025 18:24

I already thanked you for noticing my typo. As I said already it was his birthday recently and I would think normal enough to accidentally put the wrong age for a couple of weeks afterwards...it seems so irrelevant anyway....I've had to say this twice now and I think you sticking the word queen bee in and saying that I said it or something similar would indicate you don't know the facts yourself. So I'm not sure why you'd make a list like that and claim you're fact checking when it seems you're not being particularly thorough yourself and I don't know why you're bothering.

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You are very judiciously avoiding explaining the other points you have changed though aren’t you. Just keep on deflecting and hoping the other points will get glossed over? You aren’t coming out of this sounding very credible

kidditsonyou · 09/04/2025 20:28

So if you and the other parents who have come up to and told you think the other woman was inapproparate and unacceptable, what are you asking?
it’s to late to make him apologise and why would you if you think she’s the one on the wrong?

what you need to do now is move on and keep an eye on your son while he’s in the park again. It’s been a week, whatever happened needs to be forgotten about now.

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