Should I get child to apologise

[TheBrightBear]

My child (age 6) got in a lot of trouble with another parent recently in a playground. The playground is new beside school and it was only the second time I have been there. I couldn't see as I was watching my toddler and there was a structure in the way but apparently he threw a stick and the woman's child fell over it. She shouted at him very angrily and pointed in the direction of the park exit that leads to the road and he ran that way but thankfully hid in some bushes. I apologised, offered tissues (although the child was not crying or hurt). The woman left, I hadn't realised that my child had run in the direction she was pointing but I did end up finding him in the bushes. He was very scared. Someone afterwards told me in the playground that as she was leaving she said it wasn't the first time and that my son had thrown stones at her toddler (I don't know). Usually I am watching him closely unless I have to chase my toddler. I've never seen him do something like that and I was surprised to hear it. A lot of boys do play with sticks near the school but I haven't seen stones being thrown. When I asked him he said they been playing a game throwing stones on a different day but when the toddler came near they stopped. I don't know whether to believe him or not or whether what she said is correct. She has a child in a different class and I see her at school all the time but I don't know her. Because she left and my child was so upset I didn't get a chance to get him to apologise. At the time I was also very stressed because she had been gesturing towards the road exit and he ran that way....he told me several days later that all she had been shouting was go away and go to your mother but he ran the direction she was pointing - dangerous as he is fast at running. My question is whether to get him to apologise to her/her son when we see them again or just leave it. It is more the stone throwing thing I am concerned about now but I have no idea what to believe about that. The only time a parent ever came up to me in a playground previously about my son's behaviour was years ago and then in fact had been looking at their phone but believed what their child told them....I had been beside the incident and it wasn't my son's fault and the other child was lying but their parents believed them....this time I didn't see either incident properly and am going on the woman's word...my son was very scared by the shouting and I have not been able to get a coherent story out of him. So I don't know whether to get him to apologise - if the stone throwing thing is true that is awful and I feel strongly he should apologise but he seems confused and I don't know when it happened or if it did. I wrote another thread about this but it got nasty and now with new info I am asking again for advice.

I would say the story is too confused for you to do anything. You only heard about her apparent stone throwing comment second hand, and your son denies it. You also say that it's not typical behaviour for him. In this case I would have a chat with him to make sure he knows that throwing sticks and stones in a playground is dangerous, and leave it at that. I don't like the idea of your generally good kid being disbelieved and made to apologise for something he may not have done, based on hearsay.
All you can do is try to keep a closer eye in the future.

Your son should apologize about throwing the stick as it seems he hasn’t denied that. You should also have a rule that he stays nearby or at least within sight as it isn’t good that you can’t see him at the playground.

Did you post about this last week? Only there was no mention of sticks / stones throwing it was an intentional push?

I think leave it now, you’re over thinking it. It happened and is what it is. Tell your kid not to be sensible in the playground and to stay away from that family.

Were the 256 replies you received on last week's thread not enough for you?

I was going to say deja vu

I mean I know he shouldn't be throwing sticks or stones.
But with the stick and the most recent incident, that he hasn't denied, it doesn't sound like he threw the stick deliberately at the child?
It sounds as though he threw it and the child fell over it? From what you have described?

The stones throwing sounds as if it was historic?

Either way, I think you are overthinking this and I am sure that the parent / child have forgotten it by now!

No I didn't mention intentional push I don't think but somehow people seemed to think that it was...I got more information afterwards and it is the throwing stones at a toddler that I hate the sound of. I hate hate hate bad behaviour and my kid is good overall at home and when he's with me but there is a lot of naughty behaviour at the school gate from a lot of kids and parents not calling out their kids. If I see mine doing anything bold or even getting drawn into anything the bold kids are up to I immediately tell him to stop but I seem to be the one of the only parents who does. He's very big for his age though and if he's even near anything bad he looks like he's the main protagonist.yes that was my thread but I was v stressed out and didn't write it very coherently.

Why are you commenting?

Why are you commenting?

Yeah you've changed the story somewhat.

Have you not learned from your other thread that "boys will be boys" is not ok to deflect from your child's behaviour, and that you need to watch your children better.

How come she's not the vile queen bee in this story? And where's the mention of you making other children cry for disciplining them?

How come you finally admitted you had no idea whether she shouted or not, but are now portraying her as "angrily shouting."

Your other thread didn't get nasty. You just got mad at the ream of people pointing out your inconsistencies.

I cannot get over the cruelty of people on the internet.

I think as long as you repeat the message to your child that throwing things, especially sticks and stones is not okay, that’s all you can do. You say it’s hard to establish what’s what so don’t make your kid apologise if there is even a smidge of doubt that it happened. I would honestly just move on now and keep an eye on any future behaviours in the park - if you see him continue getting in to scraps then you have your answer.

Yep

More unkind people clogging up the thread. Just stop and go away. This is on every thread if you cant say something helpful mind your own business. The last thread was filled with cruelty

You have your answers

It's not cruelty you just don't like the answers you got.

When most people day the same thing about your situation you might want to listen.

Or maybe try reddit. If you get the same responses there you'll know it's you.

Why not update on your original thread?

Ok thank you

They didn't all say the same thing though...it was pretty conflicting....most threads I read on mumsnet seem to fill up with unpleasant comments. If someone can't write in a civil way why bother post on someone else's thread, it just clogs up the comments and haven't these people more to be doing with their days.

Read my original post on this current thread and you'll see why.

I did.
But people were supporting you on your original thread and if you reply on there they'll get a notification.
If you start a new thread they might not see it is all

Why has your child suddenly gone back in time?
they were 7 a week ago.
if it’s absolutely impossible for you to watch them and they keep getting involved in incidents then there would just be no more park for a bit . It’s sounds like you aren’t coping well (evidenced by the two threads a week a part and near 100 posts from you) so it’s probably best for you both take a break.

I didn't want to get involved with some of the people who were commenting again but apparently they've found me here. I had hoped for a couple of sensible polite opinions.

Thanks for the correction re age but I find it strange that you took so much time to proof read and also count my number of posts. Most of which were responding to people who were being unpleasant. There's no need for people to speak so harshly. They do it on almost every thread and I think they need to be called out on it. A more polite thing to say would have been I think you have made a typo in one of your posts about your child's age. 'why has your child gone back in time' is nasty snarky and clearly an attempt to be nasty.

Just leave it. She was in the wrong for not stopping him from running in the direction of the road and the stone throwing thing, your sons account sounds more believable. I wouldn't seek her out at all to apologise but just try to watch your son a bit closer when this woman is about so you know what's occurring.

It’s you that needs to apologise for not keeping a close enough eye on a 6 year boy who likes throwing sticks and stones.

If you know this, and there are toddlers in the park, it doesn’t take a lot to anticipate that your kid might want to experiment with the feeling of lobbing something at a moving target. He doesn’t have the empathy level or the idea of consequences so you, as the adult, need to be supervising and heading off bad behaviour.

Prevention, and training your child to have empathy for other children “… now watch that little girl” is much better parenting than all this vague bullshit about your son being upset because he’s been told off by another parent. If you were parenting, she wouldn’t have to.