Self employed husband when to book ‘paternity’

[Alice65475]

My husband won’t get paid paternity leave, he’s a self employed barrister and will have only started full work a month before my due date as he’s still training, so he won’t have much say in the work he gets, won’t have much savings and also wants to say yes to everything to ensure he keeps getting work.

He’s happy to plan to take 2 weeks unpaid, but how do we organise that? He won’t be able to take it last minute, so will have to be booked months ahead of time. My sister’s baby was 10 days late, and it would feel a waste to both be sat at home if baby isn’t here. Do we book for 42 weeks knowing baby will be here? I feel okay about labouring by myself, but worried about the first few days having to look after a newborn alone. Any advice?

My DH was self employed he didn't take any time off as we needed the money but I had my mum nearby to help me. It could he a problem booking so far in advance as my DD was born 5 weeks early and you have no idea if they are going to be early or late.

My dh is self employed and as pp he didn’t take any paternity leave for any of our children, just the time when I was in labour and to bring us home from hospital. I found all my babies slept most of the time as newborns so I was able to get plenty of rest with the first; obviously not when I had more than one.
Unfortunately I can’t help with the timings as DH could just drop what he was doing as he had employees he could delegate to at short notice.

What would happen if he had the flu? Or a vomiting bug? Or a child in hospital? He’d have to take sick leave or emergency carers leave on the day, if he was employed. So there must be some in built process.

Technically, he doesn’t get statutory paternity leave anyway. I would insist that he takes it on the day. There’s absolutely no way you’ll be able to book it months in advance. This just isn’t how parenting works. He’s going to have to find a way to build in some flexibility.

Dh is self employed and built in contingency plans for who could take over for a few weeks, what could be delayed, and with the exception of literally the day I gave birth and maybe the day after, he kept up with admin work while I slept and he held a baby. It’s basically the same system we use for when dc is home sick or earlier this year I was in hospital for a bit during school holidays.

As a solicitor, with a few barristers friends too, let me tell you, lawyers and barristers especially, love to think they are irreplaceable and they cannot possibly take time off. Somehow, female barristers manage just fine. He needs to understand a baby is coming and that will severely and negatively impact his career for the time being.

If he dropped dead, someone else would take the cases that day. You need to drill it into him that having a baby changes your life as well as his. So he will need to take time off. He will also need to help with nights even when he goes back to work. New dads are tired, it's par for the course.

Unless you get a planned c section, he will need to take his leave on the day. It's just how it is.