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Help: My 2.5 Year Old Toddler Will Not Stay At The Dinner Table (ADHD/Autism?)

6 replies

hobnobs4life · 07/04/2025 22:35

Exactly what the title says. He has a speech delay/hyperlexia diagnosis, and while he is too young to diagnose with autism, indicators are there for highly functioning autism/ADHD (confirmed by doctors, he has had an inital psychologist exam and will keep going back to monitor). He jumps a lot, which is likely him stimming, and is extremely active, runs everywhere, never walks. One big thing is that we can't get him to eat at the dinner table. He will start there for a few minutes, but then always gets up, moves around, plays. He comes back for bites of food, but can't stay seated without an ipad or something to focus on. Circle time at nursery has been very tricky but he now stays for at least the start. The speech delay is definitely part of the issue, as why would you want to sit if you can't follow what people are saying/talk back. Does anyone have any words of wisdom for coping mechanisms until his speech therapy hopefully helps fix this? I see things called wobble pillows that I'm tempted to try at the dinner table. I just feel like I'm feeding a baby bird at every meal by hand, and that we are probably keeping the cycle going. If he were a "normal" child, I'd battle it out more, rather than enable, but the situation is different and I feel very out of my depth as we start to go down the evaluation/diagnosis route. I'd love any solutions from those who have been in a similar boat, even if it is a battle it out.

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Yourethebeerthief · 07/04/2025 23:15

I wouldn’t battle any 2 and a half year old on this. I’d say that the rule should be food stays at the table but he’s welcome to get down when he wants. Everyone else stays and the food never leaves the table. Don’t follow him around or try to cajole him into eating. Just leave him be.

My 3 and a half year old eats well at the table but when he wants to get down he gets down. He’s good at knowing when he’s had enough but if there’s anything left on his plate I’m not quick to clear it incase he does come back for more. Adults sit longer at the table than kids, he knows he can leave and we stay for longer. All that matters is we’ve eaten together for however long, had a little chat, and he sees us modelling good eating habits. He’s also brilliant in restaurants but only started to get really good with that from 2 ½ - 3 years old. It takes time for any child. I’d ease up on any pressure- he’s in his own home and meals should be relaxing. By all means try the wobble cushion, it might help and that would be great. But don’t worry yourself about him coming back and forth at his age.

Definitely get rid of the iPad.

safira · 07/04/2025 23:18

The behaviour you describe is typical of most toddlers IME, NT or ND. I also wouldn't battle on it, the fewer battles around food the better!

hobnobs4life · 07/04/2025 23:28

Thanks everyone, this makes me feel better. He has always been underweight/short so I think i've been hell bent on getting food into him vs keeping him at the table (and he thankfully actually is a good eater). Because of this and general chaos in life, we have let him walk around with food which we need to stop right now. It's easy to forget he is young, and can't focus the same. Table ipad is gone already thankfully (my HD hates it, understandably).

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RedToothBrush · 07/04/2025 23:29

Get rid of the iPad. It will only make things harder later on.

Otherwise just don't stress it too much.

DS is ten. At that age he was constantly on the go and wouldn't sit still. We struggled to get him to eat and found that really stressful. He had something of a fear of missing out on stuff and just wasn't interested in food. Every meal felt like a battle.

He eventually got it. He was incredibly fussy and refused most things. He was particularly bad with fruit and veg.

Removing the pressure helped so meal times were not a source of stress he wanted to avoid. Letting him eat what he wanted and not worrying too much about whether it was good or bad. All calories are good.

We found he ate better away from home. No idea why - possibly because he knew he couldn't wander off and play with toys.

coxesorangepippin · 08/04/2025 02:06

You need to remove the iPad, period

He's 2.5, ffs

HowManyDucks · 08/04/2025 02:07

Something I do with DD that might help...
We always have dinner at the table,but i take the pressure off a lunchtime. We have a "picnic" inside mostly (outside if the weather is nice). I usually read her a story whilst she eats. Only rule is she has to sit down when eating, so no walking around and eating. It's clear when she's had enough and I take the plate away. I always find she eats more at lunchtime when there is less pressure.
I think it's important to set a boundary and to make it clear and stick to it eg. Sit at the table when you eat food. It's up to you what your boundaries are.

I agree that tablet is not a good idea, especially not at the table.

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